part 1 alessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
part 1 alessa
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 1:14pm
Alright, I apologize to everyone for posting this message, because I know that everyone must be tired of hearing the same story. But, I'm feeling a bit down right now, and I just need to get it out. So here is my story:

Ben is the youngest son of the pastors of my Church. Last August, August of 2003, he out of nowhere, invited me to have lunch with him. Before this, honestly, I barely knew who he was, we had never spoken before, so it came as a shock to me. Okay, so I am 19 years old, at the time, he was 24. Before him, I had never had a relationship before-- quite honestly, I am not even used to guys asking me "out". Alright, so he asked me this while we were still at Church. People were around, and I didn't know how to say "no", so I accepted. Our date was to be a week or so ahead-- the entire time, I was dreading having to go. Ben was completely NOT my "type": I thought he was unattractive, and I was very turned off. But I went to this lunch, and I ended up being very surprised because I had a great time-- he's a gentleman, and one of the funniest people I know. After the "date", he mentioned that I should go to one of his basketball games sometime.. and I just said, "oh yeah, okay," very nonchalantly-- I of course, never had the intention of going. So weeks passed, and I never called him, I didn't even look at him at Church. Finally, one Sunday afternoon, I was extremely bored, and I remembered how I had absolutely no male friends and how it would be healthy for me to befriend Ben! So, I actually called him to see if he'd want to go see a movie. His father answered-- the Pastor- and said that he wasn't home. Blahblahblah. Within the hour, Ben called back-- it was apparent that his father had called him and that Ben rushed home to call me back-- and we went out to a movie. It was great. We saw a few more movies together.. all the meanwhile talking constantly. He had an office job.. my classes hadn't started yet.. so we would literally chat on-line from 10am to 5pm. EVERYDAY. It was crazy. But so we got to know each other very, very well-- and we'd still go out to see movies. Of course by this time, I had a "crush" on him, a very big crush. One day, in the beginning of December, he invites me to a holiday party, where I'd meet the rest of his friends. At the party, I have a few too many drinks, and I completely let my inhibitions down. That night, I had my first kiss. That night he told me how he liked me so much, how all of his friends knew everythign about me, because he couldn't stop talking about me, etc, etc. So, we date. We dated for a bit over six months. The problem was that I could not tell my parents about us. Because of this, I would have to lie to them, in order to not let them know that I was hanging out with Ben. Then I started getting upset because he would NEVER call me, and he stopped asking me out. He said that it was because I had told him to not call my house-- because of my parents-- and that we didn't spend time together very much because I was never able to. So one day-- on the phone-- we talked and I mentoined that we should seperate; however, I never WANTED to seperate, I honestly just wanted to get some sort of reaction from him, I thought that he would say, "seperate, no why would we seperate, I love you." He did not. He said, "oh, well, okay." And that was the end of it. I realize that it was my fault and that ... AHH, SORRY EVERYONE I HAVE TO CONTINUE THIS ON ANOTHER COMPUTER!!!