Part II alessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Part II alessa
3
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 1:31pm
AHH SORRY EVERYONE!! OH, AND THIS IS SSOOO LONG! =( sorry!

Okay, so it ended. So that was between june, july. At Church, I completely ignored him, everything. I couldn't stand to look at him, it hurt too much. AND YES, i made the terrible mistakeS of calling him every now and then..but he'd NEVER answer. So some weeks ago, I just thought, "you know what Alessa, if you miss him, if you think that this guy was a good thing in your life, then FIGHT for it!" hhahahaa. So one day I told him that I missed him, that I made a stupid mistake that day on teh phone, balbhablh. He chuckled a little bit..and thought..and thought.. and thought. He finally said that I was "putting him on the spot" and that he needed some time to think about it. TWO WEEKS later, he finally sent me an email, saying that he missed me, thought about me, caught himself staring at me sometimes, etc. BUT that he had recently starting talking to someone, and that he'd like to see where that goes. It hurt so much. Somehow though, i was able to put those feeling aside, and go on with my day-- in the back of my head, I knew that something could be done. So then one night I see him at Church, and we actually say hello to each other.. adn then... we hug. A very loonngg, tiggghhhhtt, full-body hug. Very long. and during it, I whispered, "i miss these hugs," and he said, "oh, I miss you too." So then we said good bye again, and he said that we should hang out, that he wants to see my dorm, and we hugged again. So then I'm thnking, YAYY!! Then I don't see him for a week or so. He sends an email asking, "If were were to try this again, would you tell your parents about us?" I email him back giving him this long story about how right before we seperated, I was goign to do it, blahblah. and I went ahead and confessed how my feelings for him hadn't changed, it was very long, very revealing. weeks pass, no answer, we see each other at a Church event, we sit next to each other for a few minutes... NO conversation. Then last week I see him at Church, and we start talking, and he's smiling and everything. and I ask what he's doing that evening.. and he says that he's busy..and I ask, "all evening??"..and he says, "yeah, kind of, I'm going on a date with Brittany." Brittany, being the other individual. Then he says, but we should hang out this week. So then I'm just confused. He DOESN'T call that week, and I'm super angry. Then friday night I call him, and leave a message about how I'm so sick of his mixed signals, blahblah. He calls back.. and pretty much he says that it wouldn't be fair to brittany. Today I woke up, and .. I was sad. Just one of those sit-on-the-couch-like-a-gluttonous-pig-kind of days, you know? He is a good person, I know that he would never intentionally hurt me. But I just remember all these things he said to me.. about a dream he's had since he was 11/12, that it was about him standing in front of his house, playing with his kids, with his wife standing in front of him.. bu tthat her face was always blurred. and he said that isnce he started dating me, the dream was making more sense. all these sorts of things. *sigh*. First of all, I do not understand how he started seeing people so quickly. They must have met just a few weeks after our break up. Secondly, he's choosing her fver me, someone he "loved". Now I still have to see him at church every week.. I'm great freinds with his brothers, parents, nephews, nieces.. and I have to help him out in the children's church. I jus tdon't understand.

Well, I want to thank anyone who has taken the time to read this entire story. Thank you for...listening. Now it is time to write my paper for class... and go stuff my face like the glutton I am. =(
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: alessalp
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:50pm
Sounds like this was a difficult relationship for you Alessa. I'm sorry for your pain. It also sounds like he has decided not to become involved with you again so you're going to have to move on.

It's hard, I realize that, but we're all in the same boat here. All of us have broken up with someone we loved and we're suffering.

You will survive this, and you will love again. You're still really young. There's a lot of love in your future!

But you do need to move on and leave him behind. He has made his choice, and his choice appears to be Brittany.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: alessalp
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:51pm
Welcome to the board!! I'm sooo sorry you're having to go through all this. I guess it's one of those "you don't know what you got till it's gone" kind of things. I'm sure he does really care for you....but from the post it sounds like he thinks you're ashamed of him ....the whole you wouldn't tell your parents about him thing probably really hurt his ego. I know this is hard but he's made his decison and all you can really do is learn to accept and respect it because you can't make him change his mind. I would suggest trying to distance yourself as much as possible and then after your healed....if you want to try a friendship...go for it but if not, that's ok to. As I said, I'm sorry your going through this and we're here to help you in any way we can. Good luck and keep us posted!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
In reply to: alessalp
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 3:57pm
Hello everyone, thanks so much for the advice and encouragement. You are both right, I need to accept this and move on. It is just so difficult hahaha. But of course, anyone who's ever been in a relationship knows of the agony hehe. Thanks so much for your replies!