Pay it forward?
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| Sun, 12-12-2004 - 2:29am |
on one of the posts somebody was asking if we all get what we deserve.
I dont think it is the case, I ve met a lot of mean people who dont care about others feelings yet they end up in happy and healthy relationship. In fact, it seems like they always get what they want.
Anyhow, with my Ex it is a different situation. My Ex has been cheated on and taken advantage of by two of his GF's. With me, it was the other way, he was the one taking advantage of me and although he did not cheat he did lie and if not for me being fedup with his avoidance he would not even have admitted that he is not anymore into me... I m wondering is it just because he s been through many bad relationships that he gets used to think all relationships should be bad and should end in a bad way.
I feel it is more of an attitude. If you dont care about people. If you move from one person to the other in few weeks, you will never be hurt. I feel the least committed to someone , the better life is.
how do you feel about this? Are you lucky if you are attached to things and money more than to people and feelings??

Maybe it would be nice to be "more" attached to money and material things than to people and emotional feelings. That kind of attitude can certainly keep you from getting hurt and feeling all the pain and misery that goes along with that hurt.
I just dated someone who was seriously afraid of commitment, never wanted to talk about ANY of their feelings and while I thought it must be nice to be so flippant and not care about anyone, I also realized that they will NEVER live life to the fullest. They will never know what it's like to love somebody and then possibly lose them...which I think needs to happen to all of us to grow and learn.
I have thought many many times as I'm dealing with my breakup that I would much rather be going through any other tragedy than this breakup. If I was only attached to money and material things, maybe if I lost my job, or if I went broke and became homeless, anything else would be easier than dealing with the loss of my relationship. Sometimes I even wonder if dealing with the actual death of a loved one would be easier than this breakup. I wonder if it would be easier knowing the person I loved "left" loving me. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, none of those other things have ever happened to me, so I can't honestly say how I would deal with them if they did.
Juliara,
I don't think people get what they deserve, so much as they get what they ask. In your case, I don't think your ex gave himself enough time to heal from his last two bad relationship. You accepted him on his terms, and you were dumped on because of his insecurities. If you had set your own requirements on how you wanted to be treated, you may have been able to avoid being hurt by him.
Yes, there are mean people who don't care about others feelings. That is a fact of life. (My pet name for them is "demon spawn".) However, I believe your view of their relationships may be a little skewed if you think they are happy and healthy. The selfish person is only happy as long as they get what they want. How long can that last? Getting everything they want is a bit juvenile. If a 5 years old has that attitude, we call them a brat. What difference does it make if the person is 25 or even 75? Healthy relationships are a matter of give AND take.
If you move from one person to the other in few weeks, you will never be hurt. You won't grow and become a better person either. What good is that in the great scheme called Life? Whether you believe in Eastern or Western philosophy, you're pretty much screwed in the end. Being attached to material things rather than to people or feelings is unlucky as it makes you empty.
Don't let other's past negativity affect your outlook. It's your life, and you can make the best of it.
Mimiche
It may be "easier" to go through life without getting attached to people but I would hardly say it's better that way. People who always want to take the easiest way because they are scared have a pretty sad life to me. My ex too had commitment issues and pretty much freaked out when we started getting close, instead of embracing what we had he got scared and ran with his tail between his legs and I'm sure will be in some other unfortunate woman's life and do the same to her.
Relationships are always a risk and frankly anything in life that is worthwhile has some risk to it. In a different perspective, I am moving in a few months to a big city 12 hours away from me because of something I have always wanted to try and do, there is a tremendous amount of competition and risk involved and I know only one person up there. Does this mean it would be easier for me to just stay where I am and keep doing my safe job in the same safe town I have lived in most of my life? Sure it would be easier. Does this mean this safe way of life will make me a happier person? Not at all. I would much rather accept the risk of going into something and have the chance of coming out in the end with everything I wanted than to just be scared and decide that the risk of failure was too great for me to even try.
So, yes it is probably easier for some people to have a life without personal attachments but it is not a worthwhile life at all.