Pinning Badly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Pinning Badly
19
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 5:59pm

Hi everyone,

Im am pinning so badly over what I dont have anymore. I cant believe that he just left. That he could walk away , i keep hoping hell miss me and call but its been 12 days now and nothing. When I think that he's not going to call i get the urge to call him and tell him he's wrong that we are perfect together. We were so perfect together, everyone was so shocked to hear we broke up. And ppl keep telling me if its meant to be, it will be. But im having such a hard time concrentrating and getting it out of my head. Its all I think about all the time, him. And I got back and forth loving him being mad loving him being mad. This is such and ugly feeling, i just want him back and everything to be back to normal again.!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 9:49am

lamago...

3 Suggestions from PG:

1. Do not base your personal feelings on the words you hear from others....simply because THEY AREN'T LIVING YOUR LIFE! YOU ARE!

2. "Loving him being mad" sounds a little sick to me! Especially when most relationships are (in general) supposed to be HAPPY?

3. What you thought was "normal"---really wasn't! Oh sure...you were temporarily happy with the status quo? But everybody goes through changes...including yourself! You can "revisit the past" at high school reunions, by listening to old record albums or cds, by watching old movies, and by thumbing through photograph albums.

BUT what's happening now....is the chapter of your life that's unfolding. SO get a grip on it and LIVE IT!

Pining for the past will take you absolutely no-where!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
In reply to: lamago
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:43pm

Thanks Piano guy,

What I meant was i go right now from loving him to hating him. Though most of time I still love him. I look at his pictures and they dont make me sad, they make me happy. Isnt that weird, its like I think were just on vacation and some day he'll come back. This must be a serious sign on denial. I feel like i pushed him away by being so needy. I would get upset if he didnt send me flowers at work for special days, and i'd get drunk and cry at his friends parties b/c we werent moving as fast as I wanted. I have so many freaking regrets, and I think if only I could change that we would work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 7:51pm

lamago...

CHANGE has to happen between 2 people....not just one!

PG thinks the words: CHANGE & COMPROMISE often get mixed up with one another?

Confusing...huh? !

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
In reply to: lamago
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 9:21pm

Oh I know!!!

My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago (well he did). But it wasn't until this past weekend, that I realized we really have to cut contact. It hasn't even been 5 days and I already want to call him. Good for you for making it to 12 days! That's almost 2 weeks, just stay strong and continue to do whatever it is you're doing. - You're an inspiration to me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:08am
I feel almost the exact same. I want to see my ex and beg for him to take me back or something. I love him still so much and everything was great, I thought we were going to last.........but what can we do? Ringing and clinging makes us seem needy and will push them away more.......sitting here though is drving me insane, just the thought that maybe he has moved on already. I want him to miss me & to take me back......I feel your pain, I really do.......in a way I am angry at my ex for making me feel so sad, and all.......maybe call him just ONCE........in a few days???? Don't know I tried to call mine & he hung up...............good luck with it though
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:50am
I am feeling the exact same way as you all described...I can't believe it's over, it doesn't feel right to me...I think we belong together. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago this saturday...the first week we talked ever few days just casual talk and I told him I couldn't do it anymore because it hurt to much...he wants to just be friends and I want more, I want what we had because it was great...sure there were problems but not anything I would end a relationship over. It's been 5 days now with no contact and I mis him soooo much I wish he would call me but he won't because I asked him not to and now I regret that...I want to call him so bad but at the same time I'm affraid he won't answer or hang up me or not return my call. I hate not having any control over the situation...I feel like if I call him without expecting anything at least I've made an effort to open the door to communication wheather or not he will reciprecate. Good idea bad Idea...I'm not sure it might make me feel better...it might make me feel worse but I feel like it's a chance I need to take if there is any hope of getting back together....any thoughts?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 12:16pm

This is why I always advise that when you ask for no contact, you make it clear that if he changes his mind and wants to get back together then that is an exception to your request.

Did you do so when you asked him not to contact you? If so, sending an email with that information will set your mind at rest...you'll know that HE knows it's ok to contact you IF and only if he sincerely wants to work things out.

Sheri

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:07pm

You do have control, but it is over yourself. If you contact him, I can almost assure you it won't help the situation and will make you feel worse.

Even though you asked him not to contact you, he knows the door to communication is open. Telephones, e-mails and all still work. For whatever reason, he is choosing not to contact you right now. Whether he ever will is anybody's guess. The acceptance that we can only control ourselves is the key, and what is so hard for everyone, including myself. Focus on yourself. It's the only sane thing you can do now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:32pm
I wish I could just send him an email so I can say everything I want to say but he doesn't have email! I know it's hard to believe but he doesn't and it sucks and if I sent him a text message I wouldn't know if he got it or not and it would drive me crazy. The only think that I said to him was that if he ever needed to talk...he's going through some personal issues and doesn't talk to anyone about it just keeps it all bottled up...but even when I offered that he said he wouldn't call and I think he's upset that I couldn't be friends with him...so the only way he will know if it's okay with me to have contact is if I contact him to open the door. I am prepared for the fact that he may not answer or may not call me back right away or for some time...and I'm prepred for the fact that it's gonna hurt but I'm already hurting anyways so I'm just hoping for the best but expecting nothing in return.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 2:12pm
It's so wierd to know that so many people go through the same thing you are going through especially when you feel like you are the only one. That's why I love coming here because it really helps. I broke off my relationship because although my boyfriend says time after time that he wants to be with me, he just does not act like a man in love. It's just not like it was when we first started out 8 months ago. He doesn't do the "extra" stuff anymore. And when I've complained about not getting the attention that I'm used to, he tells me that complain too much and I'm just being too sensitive. Then I'll stop speaking to him and when he can't take it anymore, he'll call days later promising to change and the cycle will start all over again. We've broken up and gotten back together so many times since Christmas that it's starting to be the norm. We have an argument at least once a week, mostly that we don't spend enough time together other than at work (we work together). Well, the argument for this week was that I went over to his place for a sleepover the other night and he acted totally irritated that I was there, although he invited me. He was so just so distant and I felt so unwanted. I left the next morning feeling very hurt. Well he's on vacation from work for the rest of the week and I'm using this time to "get over him". He's called, and I refuse to pick up the phone (thank God for caller ID). This is only the second day of me "ignoring" him, but it feels good so far. I'm hoping after not speaking to him throughout the weekend, I'll be ready to handle running into him at work next week without it being too awkward. I do love him so much, but something has to give. All this bickering and him acting so nonchalant about my feelings just have to end. I can do bad all by myself. Anyway, hang in there!

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