Pinning Badly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Pinning Badly
19
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 5:59pm

Hi everyone,

Im am pinning so badly over what I dont have anymore. I cant believe that he just left. That he could walk away , i keep hoping hell miss me and call but its been 12 days now and nothing. When I think that he's not going to call i get the urge to call him and tell him he's wrong that we are perfect together. We were so perfect together, everyone was so shocked to hear we broke up. And ppl keep telling me if its meant to be, it will be. But im having such a hard time concrentrating and getting it out of my head. Its all I think about all the time, him. And I got back and forth loving him being mad loving him being mad. This is such and ugly feeling, i just want him back and everything to be back to normal again.!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:28pm
Write UNSENT emails and letters - burn them when you are done. Have your say on paper. Don't send them.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:20pm
i went thru that when my husband left me almost two yrs ago, just like you, he simply walked out and didn't look back. i waited for him to call, but of course he didn't. i also went thru the same emotions: loving him, hating him, etc... move on girl... we tried to reconcile a few times, but it was not the same. it was ok for him to do what he wanted as long as i was home waiting. my advice to you is to move on, something i should have done a long time ago, but kept wishing he would come to his "senses" and come back. he left for a reason (a reason only he knows) and obviously we weren't meant to be together. it'll be hard, but in the long run, you'll be better off and stick to your friends and family - people who have good attitudes is what you need right now! good luck
Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 8:23pm

P143, maybe I can help you with this. I am one of those foolish women who kept up contact with my Ex much longer than it was good for me. We were broken up, not seeing each other about two months and I continued to call him and e-mail him. I sent about 30 e-mails of all sorts describing my extreme hurt, my crying jags, my depression, my anger and rage, my disbelief, begging him to reconsider, asking him to consider counseling, predicting dire circumstances if he left me, and on and on.

You know where all that anguish got me? Just a slower recovery. He ignored most of my communication or sent cold cryptic replies. It not only was a disappointment, but it hurt way more than I was even hurting. It prolonged the agony.

So, maybe you can take the advice of all these wise ladies and save yourself more wallowing in the pain. If he wants to come back to you, like my Ex, he knows how to do it.

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 8:29pm
My Ex did the distancing and cold shoulder thing to me for several months at times, and it hurt so bad, especially when I had made an effort to drive to his house to be with him. He also seemed irritated with me a lot and at times almost didn't acknowledge I was there. This distancing was the sign of the end that I ignored for months. He had fallen out of love with me and I refused to see it. I will never make that mistake again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
In reply to: lamago
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 12:57am
I am still in contact with my ex, although he complains that i am short with him/ignore him a lot....we are trying to be friends...he is all for it....i am having a hard time....basically, i only want to talk with him if we are going to get back together...otherwise, i don't want anything to do with him....but how can we know if there is a future for us if we don;t somehow stay in contact? is this making sense? (i am sooo tired right now). How do I tell him this and seem mature and reasonable about it? just wondering how you girls have dealt with your exes....
I
Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 1:13am

I am not sure how long you all have been broken up or how much effort you both have expended to mend your relationship. But I guess it boils down to the fact that if he is not willing to work toward restoring your relationship, then it is fruitless for you to stay in contact for that purpose.

And then, it becomes a question of if you can be friends right now. I think the consensus of this board has been that maybe that can happen in time, but at first and for a while, no contact is by far the best thing. Even though you are having no contact, he should understand that if he decides he wants to be with you 110%, then and only then should he contact you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
In reply to: lamago
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 2:20am
we have been broken up for about 4 months and we have been going through a "let's be friends/wait, i'm still hurt and i need to ignore you for a whil/he gets hurt that i am short with him/he says he still loves me stage/but we are still broken up" situation.
basically, i want to be mature and keep some dignity...but inside i am crumbling....i don't even know what to say to him...we are going to talk next week about this, and i need some words with what to say to him....i know he is going to push for us being friends, but i am the one who gets hurt by it, who keeps a hope there (by the way, i was the one who broke it off, but he was acting like such an ass, i feel like he drove me to it. now he is all sweet and caring again).
I
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
In reply to: lamago
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 6:43am
Hey. No offence but just do what I am doing. Your only going to get hurt more so just move on. I am ignoring my ex completly ( not that he's tried to contatc me). I even may hook up Saturday night. I was like you in the way that I didn't see why it had to end. he was my first love and I was his. I thought I meant something to him. I guess it is hard, but think about how much better off you will be by moving on. I was in this vicious circle for a week where he said he wanted to be friends, and then when I called he ignored me and his mother was rude to me. I now have to see a shrink, and lost 4 kilos in a week I was that messed up over it. Just be strong, listen to people's advice and words of strength and praise and move on. You will find better.......for sure. Good luck and keep smiling...........
Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 3:28pm

This is the dance many of us go through at the end. I know as well as anyone the hope that you have that if you just talk to him enough, he will decide to get back together. I did it for about four months.

I now know that after six years of being together and talking, there is nothing I can say to make him love me again. He decided about a year ago to exit. The only thing that really gets men's attention is action, which in this case I am referring to No Contact; actually, lack of action, lack of talk.

My Ex is still trying to remain in contact with me even though I am sure he is pursuing another woman. He wants to remain my friend. He just wants to have lunch with me! After 6 years of living with him! I turned him down flat.

I am even getting e-mails from his best friends. I have deleted them, too. I don't want to know even one iota of what is going on with him, through them.

I have made it clear to him that if he wants me back 110%, only then will I accept contact with him, and he knows what he has to do (show up with roses at my door). But strangely, the longer I go without contact, the more I am convinced I do not want him back, he is wrong for me, and I would probably shove the roses down his throat.

I am on day 10 of No Contact. It is hard, but is the only thing that is making me feel good about myself now. I put myself through four months' of pain trying to communicate with him. Take it from me and all the other good folks on this board, NC is the only way to minimize your pain.

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