PLease dont make me let go :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
PLease dont make me let go :(
8
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 8:45pm
Last night was so hard. I woke up and tossed and turned I couldnt sleep so finally I just sat up and I guess wallowed in this depression I have right now. The shock is wearing off and Im starting to grieve the end of our relationship. I finally went over sunday to get my stuff I think that opened all wounds again its too soon to see him. That look in his eye. Something missing. No love there anymore. Hes just ready to move on. I snooped I found out yes there is someone else. I asked he denied. So I left it go. I wonder if hes calling her if hes seeing her this very moment. Wondering why he cant call me back. Why im not worth it anymore. I cried yesterday, he as well as we backed our daughter's stuff up. I told him he could keep what he needed He told me no I should keep it all. He cried I thought it was a moment of possibility. Would he break down and want me back now? Surely he cant leave me we lost our baby together. Im crying now. Oh my god I dont want to let go. I wish you could force love. I wish we had more control over it. I love him so much and its just not there for him anymore and I can not accept it. This hurt is so extreme right now. I feel it through my whole body I tried to sleep it off today I just laid there and thought of him. Wondering If i could change something if I could fix our problems. WHY doesnt he love me! How can he be w/someone else so soon. I have to go back to get the rest of my stuff. And then that day wull start no contact. How can we all walk away from something that means so much and be ok. How can I possibility believe I will love someone else like I loved him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 9:21pm

OMG, I know. Its so hard.

My chest still hurts, as does yours probably.

You are worth it. You are amazing. You are special. He's not worth it.

/hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 9:25pm

I'm so sorry to hear your pain. I wish that there was something that we could do to make it better. You are right in the worst of it right now. Just take it day by day the best you can. Each day is an accomplishment. I'm sending you hugs!

Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:43am

I just want to hug you so badly right now. there is nothing I can say or do or anything anyone can say or do to make this go away this minute which is all you probably want right now. all the advice in the world that I could give you isn't what you need. I wish I could because I've been there - we all have - just remember that you're not alone in this.

You're not alone in this. I promise.

Take it one day at a time - one minute at at time. Post soon and let us all know how you're doing.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 11:36am
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I lost a baby last year. I was (am) so in love with my ex boyfriend and that child would have been so special to me because it was his. He never understood my pain when I miscarried and he never will. He acted like he was relieved and that made it hurt worse. I still have trouble dealing with it. On top of that, the loss of our relationship has been like a death. I feel as if I'm mourning the loss of a loved one, and really I guess I am. I know it feels like a crushing suffocating weight is bearing down on you. Keep posting here and let us know you are ok.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:36pm
It will get easier, I promise. You've been through so much, so you must give it time. The only way is to go through it. I wish there was another way. Have you considered going to talk to someone like a therapist? They can be enormously helpful in a time like this. Take extra care of yourself. I know this is a difficult time. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will feel better! Hugs!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:23pm
You know what I am going through the same thing right now and it hurts. I cant relate on the child part. But you know what I can relate on everything else. I mean the wanting him back and wondering if you will every love someone else the same way. I agree that it so hard. I dont understand how people can move on so fast after a really bad break up or a sad one at that. I mean you love someone so much and you give them your heart and soul and then they want to end it. Im sorry that you are hurting and I know how you fell I havent been able to go a day without crying and its been hasnt been that long but still, I just want him to say that he wants to try again. But reality sucks and I dont want anyone else. I know how you feel and I am here if you need to talk. Im sorry for your grieving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:30pm

Sorry to hear that you had a bad night. It was the full moon too.
I also had a bad night and didn't fall asleep until after midnight, then this morning there was a message from his friend in my email. Like I care if he's happy or not!!
His friend even told me that he *seemed* happy.

I do want to relate a story about my losing a child at 5 months gestation.
My husband and I had been married for approximately 8 years at that point and I filed for divorce not knowing I was pregnant.
I lost the baby too, and it pulled us back together, but nothing in our relationship changed. Well it changed, but only for a short few months. We even moved 500 miles away, and still ended up seperated. I wish now that I had filed my final papers becasue ten years later we were back in divorce court over his philandering.

So take heart and please consider that even if the child had been born, the problems would still be there.

I know it hurts to wake up everymorning and then realize there isn't a baby waiting to be born, and I know it hurts to break up with your boyfriend.

Have a tissue and know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.

(HUGS).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:51pm

Sounds like you and I had the same horrible sleepless night last night. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through but please be assure that everyone on this board supports you and know what you are going through in regards to having someone you love break up and move on so quickly. It hurts to no end but what you need to do RIGHT NOW is concentrate on YOU. Lean on friends and family right now and I can guarantee they will be right there for you and will listen to every word and do whatever it takes to help you get through this difficult time. I don't know how long it has been since you and your ex have been apart but my and ex & I have had no contact for almost 4 weeks and it is still so painful but time heals a broken heart. If you keep having sleepless nights go for a good work out at the gym or even a run around the neighborhood before bedtime to help clear your mind. Also, Tylenol PM helps. I really wish you the best and I am also sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I am a mother and can't even imagine what you are going through right now.

Please take some time for yourself, your family and friends. We are all here for you!