Please explain??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
Please explain??
1
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 3:52pm
I was in a really great relationship for almost a year and a half. It was consistent from our first date, but it was a gradual build to love and commitment. We both took our time and enjoyed getting know each other and being together. It took him almost seven months to tell me he loved me. We were at the point where "we" talked about our future and spent the holidays with each other's families. He asked me what kind of ring i liked and what kind of wedding I wanted, he referenced our kids and future often, then poof! One night out of the clear blue sky - literally - he said he felt pressured and acknowledged it was him as much as it was me and it went downhill from there. Being together was uncomfortable and stressful after that night, it was horrible. I felt so betrayed and hurt inside. He became a stranger to me. But he was always so good to me, I tried to be understanding and give him time to freak out. I never gave an ultimatum of any kind ever during our relationship or breakup. We spent the next two months holding on by a thread until we finally officially broke up. He initiated the final break - that was almost six weeks ago. I didn't fight him on it and felt the weight of the world come off of me once we did finally end it. I was utterly heartbroken, but I found limbo land to be so much harder. He dropped my things off, but forgot a few items. He said he would drop them off soon, but hasn't. He sent me an email a few weeks ago checking in and asking about something unrelated to me or us or my things, but I haven't responded. I just can't. What happened to him?? Why didn't i see this coming? Should I ask for my stuff back again or just forget it? I'm just so disappointed in him.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 3:58pm

I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you did everything you could to reduce the risk that goes with any relationship...yet things still didn't work out.

You both took a chance...and for whatever reason, he decided that the two of you weren't right for each other. That's painful, but it happens. Sometimes it takes that long (or longer) for the other person to make up their mind. It doesn't mean there's anything *wrong* with you or with him, he just didn't ultimately feel that the two of you were right *together*...but he gave it a good try (as did you).

Unless the things of yours that he still has are valuable or irreplaceable, I'd let them go. And I wouldn't respond to his email either--having contact will just set you back in the recovery process.

Sheri