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| Sat, 10-15-2005 - 10:02pm |
hey everyone, Iam not sure if this is the board i should be writing on or maybe the breaking up one....but i have a problem. A SERIOUS one.....and i need help so desperatley.
so here is my story.
I moved away to live with someone, quit my job, left my friends and family etc. to live with this guy in his house. We lived together for about 10 months, and things were good for a while.....and then the last few months things started going down hill. I could tell something wasnt write, and then my addictive snooping begun, I would find different girls numbers in his cell, suspicious internet use, etc. i was so ADDICTED to it. and then he started to catch on, i was honest and told him what i was doing....and told him the reason i look is because everytime i look i find something else.
so anyways, about 2 weeks ago, he told me he needed his space......but just on the weekend (suspicious?) i think so....so i left right then on a wensday night, i said if you want your space that bad i will give it to you....so he disappeared all weekend, and when he would call he was very rude to me, and then that sunday he called and broke up with me. I was and still am devestated.....iam OBSSESED with why and what happened, i am still talking to him everyday and i find it soooooo hard not too. Anyways, i had to move home and live with my parents again, and quit my job.(without any help from him, didnt offer me any money or help me pack a thing)
At first he told me that us breaking up was the only way for us to ever maybe have a future again(due to the problems we were having, and living together wasnt working) and that we would get together soon and that he loved me and missed me. so how do i let go of that hope?
Now when i call him, he isnt that friendly and wont give me a date or make plans with me together....but yet still tells me he loves me when he gets off the phone. I love this guy with all my heart and i am miss him so much but I am not getting any closer to feeling anybetter. I just want him back and my old life back. I am obsessed with what he is doing, what girl he is with, everything...my life feels totally ruined, i cant sleep, eat, or do anything. I just sit and wait and hope he comes around. I know this isnt right, but i just feel so helpless...i dont even know where to start. I have an addictive personality and have suffered with OCD for years but this is just so hard when its an addiction to a person.....especially when they are giving you hope. HELP!

My name is kathy too. You sound exactly like me, my boyfriend said kind of the same thing, after telling me for months that I was the one and that we would be married and have children together, he changed his mind, told me that he still loved me and still wanted to be with me, but that he wasnt sure I was "the one" anymore, that he just said that in the heat of the moment and he was no where near ready to be married much less children, I was like you just cant take something like that back. But I stayed, hoping he would wake up one morning and realize I was the one, did everything I could to try and prove I was, and like you said to myself he wouldnt have said that to me unless he had someone else, so I started checking his phone, calling his work, and all my worst fears were confirmed, he realized i was checking his phone so he started leaving it in the car and there would be times when i would call him and he would be on the phone saying he was talking to his friend, yet when i checked his phone there was no record of him talking to his friend, much less anyone for the whole half hour he was on the phone, he was obviously deleting the record of whoever he was talking to, then he would be unreachable for hours in the middle of the day, no one knew where he was,but here he was telling me everyday that he loved me and there was no one else. Everyone we knew swore he would never cheat on me, that I must be wrong, so I stayed for months wanting to believe him and everyone else except myself, what my gut was telling me. We broke up 3 weeks ago and havent heard a word from him since, he said this was the worst relationship he ever had and that he couldnt stand the accusations and the checking up on him and now he is with someone else. Know that you are not alone, do not call him, do not see him, because it will just be much worse when you confirm what you already know, that he has a phone he can call you, he knows where you live if he wanted to see you, and he hasnt. I have been talking to people on these message boards and it helps to know you arent alone and you hear from people that have been going thru it for months and see that they are getting thru it and it gives you hope, so keep reading and writing, I know i will.
Kathy
Don't call him or try to see him. I have broken down and contacted my ex and he also sometimes avoids me and then lies about it. Every single time I do get in contact with him I feel ten times worse. It is like starting all over from day 1.
He seems very selfish. I can't believe he had enough guts to even ask you to pay. Obviously he doesn't care about the huge responsibility you already have. I agree with Kathy you need to do what is right for you and your children. The statement she made about him being 37 going on 21 is absolutely correct. If he avoids you then he is a coward just like my ex is a coward. Please please don't contact him. I am also addicted to my ex. It has been a month since we broke up and I haven't even made it a week without contacting him. I will tell you that every time I do contact him I feel better for the time being, but later I feel like crap all over again. It is a quick fix. I have made it 3 days without contacting him and I am doing a little better. I have came to the realization that if he is avoiding me that it is really over and why am I looking like the desperate ex. Look at this way at least you found out what he was before a year or two went by.
I have found so much encouragement here and always come here when I need support or when I feel the urge to contact my ex. I hope you do the same. We are all going through the same things and we all can learn and grow from each other.
Take care.