Please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Please help
1
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 11:10am
I just recently broke up with my bf of 3.5 yrs. It was a really messy breakup. Basically, we couldnt get married because of his religion/culture (he was arab/muslim)..his mom wouldnt accept me. And he wouldnt stand up to his mom. Also, he had a bad temper.

I am having a really really hard time getting over him. He was the closest person that i've ever been to in my life. We had so much fun together, we never got tired of being together. I've never loved someone or been so close to someone as I had him. I guess i became pretty attached/dependent on him. Near the end of our breakup he said a lot of harsh words to me that broke my heart , and spirit. It hurt me really bad, to have the one person in the world i trusted and cared for the most, say things to me that i wouldnt even say to my worst enemy (i started dating other ppl when he said he wouldnt marry me..and he didnt like one of the guys i was seeing). I was under so much stress because of him, that i stopped dating the new guy as well..i couldnt take it at the time.

I dont know how to move on. I compare every single guy to him, and feel like no one measures up. He was so funny, so much fun to be with. We dont talk anymore at all now. I feel like i'm going to be sad the rest of my life. Every song i hear..so many things, remind me of him, and the good times we had together. I am having a hard time forgetting him. I dont know if i ever will.

Also, this new guy i met is pressuring me to start a relationship with him. I feel that i am not ready yet, since i just very recently got out of the long term relationship with my ex. I feel like i need time to myself. At the same time tho, what if i am missing out (and lose) someone good (i cant expect the new guy to wait around til i'm ready for a relatinoship)? I dont know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: sweetness6
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:12pm
it really hurts doesn't it? I understand... one thing I "hear" from your post is that you are remembering the good times only... but I sense there were some not so great times too... from the bad temper... you need to view this as objectively as possible and stop putting him on a pedestal that he may not deserve...

it would be very, very difficult to marry into a family that detests you for your beliefs, or for not having theirs... there are people that make it work but both people have to really want it and have to be willing to stand up to their families negative opinions. Pretty tough to do, and sounds like he's not willing... to me that means that his family is more important than you, which means you are not considered "family" by him... probably a tough pill to swallow... this kind of rejection just stinks...

as to getting into a new relationship... you can't be pressured into it! You should get into a relationship when YOU are ready... if you're not ready, you're not ready. If this new guy doesn't wait, so be it... I truly believe that there are many people out there we are capable of loving... I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let your fear of "missing out" drive this decision... you sound like a lovable person... when the time is right you will find someone deserving of all that you can offer...

I hope my rambling made sense and maybe helped a little...take care...