please help!!!!!!!!!
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| Sun, 03-04-2007 - 9:23am |
ok heres the story: my girlfriend and I were high school sweethearts. I met her when i was a Junior in HS, and she was a Freshmen, and she was my first kiss, and we took eachothers virginity. So everything is fine in our relationship, now I'm a Junior in College and shes a Freshmen in College, and since this last semester she was acting a little weird. She got a job at this new restaraunt, and there's been this 23 year old guy who's been telling her how beautiful she is and etc.
So things are fine, and we go out one night. All she says is "I'm unhappy." But that night, she puts a note on the wall in my room that says "I LOVE YOU" and we had sex, and I kissed her on the forehead the next day before I left. I get a call later that day, she's crying just saying "You're selfish" and I absolutely do not feel like dealing with that after a day at work/the gym.
So she just says she's miserable and doesn't know if she wants to be with me or not, and we break it off (I was thinking it was some stupid thing where we'd get back together). I later find out, she went out, hours after this fight, and had sex with this 23 year old from work, I also find out she cheated on me while we were still together. So we don't talk until the next week (its Valentines day) and I tell her we're going out, I got reservations and I'm gonna buy her some jewelery from this store, and she just says no. She tells me she wants to see other people, so I run over to her place to see her.
She won't say she loves me, or look me in the eyes, and that she needs space to see if she wants to get back with me or not. Could be weeks, months she says. The next night I find out she's been having sex with this guy the whole week, so I run over to her place and she says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She's acting really condescending to me, and kicks me out (after four years thats how I get it). I come to find out this guy came over after I left for sex....wonderful.
So she goes home that weekend to see her parents. I surprise her by going home just to try and win her back, and she tells me she fell out of love with me. And still won't look me in the eyes, so I leave and I was like this could be the last time I ever see you again.
I shouldn't have contacted her at all after this, but I called her a bunch of times the day after and she was "*f-word* annoyed!". I emailed her 7 pages of our memories on word, and then messaged her online a few days after this. That was last friday (2/23) and I haven't keep in touch with her since.
This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through everyone, I feel so betrayed by someone I held so close. The fact that she's moved on so fast, and how she gave it to this guy so fast, shows me she's (1) immature, and (2) did not care about our relationship.
However, when she was with me, she was really loving, and just a genuine sweet person, I do not understand how someone can be like this? Just having sex, I hear she's skipped a few classes now, and fights with her parents over this. This is not like her. This 23 year old, took advantage of her knowing she was extremely drunk that first night. He says he works at this fast food place, and is a personal trainer, and is a pro wrestler. He also wants to be a cop, and all this with a psychology degree from UCONN. He defends himself by saying he's not a drug dealer (even though he admitted being busted for selling in his past). He also won't let her see his apartment because "it's in a bad neighborhood" (aka he has a wife & kids, or will have people knocking on his door for drugs). And plus, the fact that he would take someone else's girlfriend just shows his character.
The thing that hurts, they have already said "I love you", 1 week after our breakup. She's said she's moved on already, and wants to be my friend (which is B.S., I will not be her friend). She told her friends that she's "real happy" and this guy pays for her alcohol, and takes her to these fancy restaraunts, and buys her things and "she never knew anyone could be treated like that." Well, I couldn't have done that I'm just a college dude. She was living the regular college life with me, and I guess she didn't want that.
I believe in karma though, what goes around comes around. I mean I'm not made of money, but I had good intentions with her and, genuinely loved her, and it's not like I'm a loser I'm a relatively smart guy with a bright future. The way she's handled this really hurts, and she's really betrayed me. Her and my mom were real close, and my mom called a few weeks ago to find out what happened, and she hung up on my mom. My poor mom just cried telling me the story.
Just to know that the world works the way its supposed to, I want her to regret this one day and say she made a mistake, just to know that the world turns and that she really is human. I'm moving on with life though..
Sorry for the lengthy post, but what are everyone's thoughts? (be nice, at least please)

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~Kelly~
i have different emotions i go through, like sometimes im angry, and sometimes i just miss her.
like right now i miss her, but i guess, i miss the old her.
i miss what we used to have i suppose.
ugh this sucks so bad, especially since i know she doesn't miss me at all.
it's like, the whole "stages of grief" process im going through, she should be going through as well. she's delaying it cause shes distracted by this guy, but she'll go through it at some point, at least i hope. and if she doesn't, shes a robot.
You know the hard thing about it though? You may never see or know if she goes through those stages. She could wake up one morning when she's 30 and be like...how the heck did I get here and what the heck am I doing? Just know that you're doing all the things you need to be doing. Do whatever you need to do to stay strong...probably keeping distant from her family if at all possible would be good too.
I know it's difficult. Don't get stuck thinking...I'll never find anyone else like her. You know what? You will and she'll be better because she won't hurt you like you've been hurt. You'll learn from this and be better in your next relationship.
~Kelly~
it's so funny cause she pulled this same stuff.......when she was 14 years old!
she was dating this one guy, telling him she loved him (after the first month), and they got in a big fight, and she just started sitting next to this other guy, and pretty much kissed/made out with him before she ended it with the first guy. of course, this was over 4 years ago, but it shows how much she has failed to mature, really.
she always looks at her ex's in a negative light too, and i feel she's doing the same with me. not saying im a guardian angel by any means, but before she was with me, she was in poor classes and getting poor grades, and hung out with the absolute WRONG CROWD (kids who are in jail), and dated some of those kids who are in jail right now, and had a reputation as being a "slut". her parents would randomly thank me for helping their daughter out, i mean im no angel but i have a good head on my shoulders and looked out the best for her. it's like she's reverted back to her former self. hopefully she realizes the positive influence i had on her. but i think it will take her longer than the normal person, considering how immature she's acting (by blocking ME on aim messenger, what gives her the right to want to block ME)
she was always capable of this, i fear. which means she'll be capable of it in the future too. but god, i pray that karma works in this case (i don't want her to get pregnant or die or anything bad like that), i just want her to realize what she's done in her life.
she gave up EVERYTHING, her reputation as a sweet girl, relationship with family, and some friendships, and me............FOR A GUY SHE HAD KNOWN FOR 4 WEEKS AT THE TIME!!!!
my brother put it correctly, she's "mentally weak". but you know what? i still feel like i would take the hypothetical "bullet" for her, i still feel like i love her after she put me through all this, that i would melt if she came into my arms. that's true love, yo.
....."my brother put it correctly, she's "mentally weak". but you know what? i still feel like i would take the hypothetical "bullet" for her, i still feel like i love her after she put me through all this, that i would melt if she came into my arms. that's true love, yo."..... I hate to point it out while you're still grieving, but that's not love, that's a broken heart and a bruised ego talking. Love doesn't mean you just let someone keep abusing you, or taking advantage of your trust, your faith in them. Loving someone doesn't mean you continually turn the othe cheek so they can sock it to you again. It means the partners don't hurt each other to being with. Don't confuse a savior-attitude with true love.
Now it's becoming more and more clear the more as the details of your ex come out. The truth is, your ex-gf was more likely than not like this all along, and for a long time, your influence with her probably prevented her from acting it out, but eventually, the truth-- her true character and true colors-- always come out and this girl that you loved, IS this way. I don't believe she truthfully ever stopped being exactly what she was the whole time she was with you, she just hid it really really well. That's not to say she's inherently bad, but she's not good for you.
You said something earlier about saving others and how the ones who don't want o be saved can't be saved. Honestly, you can't do any saving, none of us can. The only people we can ever hope to save is ourselves. I'm concerned that you will at some point, get involved with another person who you think "needs saving" and you'll try to jump in there and be a hero to her, maybe even to make up for not being able to "save" this girl. I'm saying this now because I hope someday you'll remember it: You're a good guy, that's plenty enough for most any girl, and the ones it's not enough for, are really not worth your time.
Best,
~~.: Sandra :.~~
CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
i see your point sandra, thanks for the insight ! :-)
i'm trying to build up my karma real well, like today i saw this poor old lady carrying groceries and i carried them for her to her house. i just smiled because, before this breakup, i never would have done that. i'm using this time to work on myself, and be a better person. hopefully god sees this, and karma works its way into my favor, whether that means getting back with this girl or letting my heart rest easy.
i feel so bad though, i never bought her/treated her to stuff in our relationship, partly because im a college kid and can't afford what he's doing, but sometimes i look back on the past and wonder if things might have been different. honestly though, i would make her so happy if she could have given me one more chance.
like i said though, she put a quote in her info on facebook that said "life's too short to be anything but happy :-) ". that just kills me, inside and out. she should have sat me down and talked to me about this a while back, you know in a MATURE way. relationships are hard work and there definitely needs(ed) to be better communication.
my co-worker (a female) was telling me that she's suppressing all the memories we had, because she (1) is distracted by this guy and (2) was fed up with things, but that in 3-6 months she will start to realize what she has done. hopefully her and this guy are no longer together by then. but i dunno, my bro said if i took her back it would be like having no self worth.
he said that i want what i can't have, but once (if) i do get it, this whole action of events will haunt me.
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