please help - doubting my decission
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please help - doubting my decission
| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 6:31pm |
Please help! I need to stay strong.
BF and I of 2 years broke up 1 1/2 weeks ago. I finally had had it as my needs weren't beeing met and it wasn't going anywhere. (He knew that but was just keeping me hanging on).
He contacted me a number of times since and asked me to let him know if I wanted him to stop contacting me.
I wrote an email yesterday and said that I needed him to leave me alone and I'd get in touch with him if and when I'm ready to be friends. It was REALLY hard to send it but I did and he appears to be respecting that.
I know I did the right thing but I can't stop thinking about it and doubting myself. Can any of you just help me be strong and let me know I did the right thing?
Thanks for your support!

I know how you feel...it's hard to take space, but let me tell you-it's a blessing in disguise. My gf and I of 3 years broke up a few months ago, but we stayed extremely close throughout the summer...then things got messy when I lied to her about something pretty big...anyways my story is here on the board, so if you want to, you can read it-it might help. Anyways, communication was pretty rough for the last month, so finally I decided on Monday that we take something like a month to clear our heads...she was shutting herself out, and putting up walls...as oppossed to me, I was trying to be extrememly open...anyways that mix never works...I decided we were going to keep hurting one another if the communication continued...so I proposed that we don't talk for a month just so we can clear our heads, and so she can open up to me...she has a lot of festering thoughts right now, and she has to really sort through them before she can open up to me which I understand. Me being so persistent, wasn't helping her cause either...anyways have I made the decision for space, I started regretting it...I was almost thinking "I might as well take what I can get." However, I realized that whenever we spoke to one another we both were just hurting...and it was hindering the healing process...I felt like everytime I text msged her, emailed her, or spoke with her on the phone...it hurt just a little bit more, because we weren't talking like we normally would...and the communication wasn't fixing anything...just making things worse. If you feel like you need space, then that's okay! Everytime I am feeling down about it, I always think that space is a good thing...and that it is giving both of us time to heal...and when we do talk again, I am hoping by that time it isn't like pins and needles...and I don't think that it will...because if you notice if you don't talk to someone for awhile, and the last time you've spoken you've left things relatively 'okay' then when you talk again, you almost feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders...and by that time it's easier to sort things out. So just remember, this is still fresh...emotions are raw...time heals all wounds.
the initial couple of days/weeks are really hard. You're trying to break a habit, and that is always hard, no matter what it is. go for a run/walkl everytime you think of calling him.....you'll get some exercise (which will help your mood anyway) and you'll be away from the phone and internet. Just keep at it. I break down every now and then....and every time I feel worse after being in touch with him. Cause he's fine. And I'm not. Gotta get fine again if I'm ever going to entertain the possibility of even talking. Hugs,
Karen
But I'm hanging in there - each day is another one that gets me closer to healing and I realize that it's been less than 2 weeks.
Thanks to both of you!
I still doubt myself but your words are keeping me stronger.
So many times I questioned my decision. After a few days of not talking to him, I was besides myself. Only pure stubbornness stopped me from picking up the phone and calling him. I also knew that if he had woken up on day and realized that he made a mistake and did want to totally commit to me -- that he would have found a way to get in touch with me.
So over 5 months later, I know I did the right thing. I am almost healed and feeling stronger than ever. The longer I would have stayed in contact with him, the longer it would have taken me to get to this point. Stay strong.
Lois