PLEASE HELP: I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
PLEASE HELP: I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE!
5
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:11pm

To anyone who has read my story (I NEED YOUR ADVICE RE: THIS MAN), his common-law partner DOES NOT know about me as we only went out once; and that was before I found out that she was living in his house. The house is in his name and the phone is in her name. This man and his common-law partner DO NOT have any children. I would say to make things easier on him, he would have liked for her to come to him and say that she found someone else or that she is moving out. When he came into my life, according to him, the relationship was over. The reason why he has been still staying in that house with her all that time is that he is trying to find a way out FINANCIALLY....He told me that he CAN NOT even afford a place of his own. Having to find a way to give her half of what she is entitled to, plus being able to have enough money for a place of his own, really has him in a financial bind.

Also, he still wanted me to go out in public with him; but I AM the one who would not go out with him while she was living in his home. I am definitely not his SIDE ACTION as WE NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER. When we did call each other it was at work and he also called me on my cell phone.

This man and I work in the same building, and even after he told me we should stop seeing each other FOR NOW; we have already spoken a couple of times where he told me he loves me.

And on (Friday, March 16, 2007) when I got off the elevator after work, he was in the lobby area waiting to see me. I started to head for the door as I was not going to bother with him, and he just looked at me as if to say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?". He couldn't believe that I was going to leave without talking to him. He wanted to find out how I was doing as he was concerned about me. I told him that I don't know what to expect from him anymore. He told me just last weekend that I shouldn't wait for him, we should let things cool down for now, and no more phone calls. He told me that he only said those things as I was stressed out dealing with everything regarding him and my family, and that it was best for me. He said he only meant that we shouldn't spend time together in the Food Court, but he still wants me to call him when I want; and that he still loves me and to remember what he wrote in the letters and the cards, which included poems that he wrote himself.

It was like he was scared not having any contact with me at all. He basicly took back what he said to me on the weekend about us not seeing each other at all and no phone calls.

I told him that I did alot of thinking over the past few days, and it is best that we don't see other the way we used to. He told me not to do too much thinking (I guess he is afraid that I am going to give up on him altogether.) Regardless of his situation with her, she is still living in his home, and we both deserve better than just seeing each other in the workplace and talking by phone. I told him that. When I was leaving, I told him that I will talk to him soon; and he said "I HOPE SO."

I have a feeling that even though I have toughened up the past week regarding him, he is going to be the one to do his best to keep in touch and find ways to see me.

Now, isn't that a change in his attitude from just last weekend!!!!

What is your opinion now?

ALMOZA

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:40pm

Here's the link to your previous post:


I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE RE: THIS MAN!!


My advice is the same.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 8:17pm
How old is this guy? Just curious b/c it doesn't sound very mature in what he is doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 8:29pm

This man is 56 years old.!!! I wish he were more settled in his thinking, and new exactly how to fight for what he wants.

ALMOZA

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 8:43am

My dear Almoza,

What are you thinking? Please, I am not trying to be harsh, but wake up. This guy is, like cl_sandradee said, good, really good! Run, don't walk, RUN as fast as you can. Tell him to grow up. I have this feeling that he is still very much in a relationship w/ this common law woman. And this crap about her mother...bullhockey! He is a grown man, and if he wanted to get out, he could. If the house is in his name, he can have her evicted, he WANTS her there. I know this hurts, but tell him he has a decision, her or you! Tell him no more excuses...if he wants you, the two of you will work things out together, but you are not going to be his playdate on the side. He needs to know that you think more of yourself...you say he said he loves you...how can he love you..no man would do this to someone they love. If he truly loved you, and for some unforseen reason you could not be together, he would WANT you to move on.

As I said, RUN, as fast as you can...YOU deserve to be loved by someone who can give you their whole heart...and it seems to me that this guy's whole heart is with someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 9:01am

My advice doesn't change, his attitude hasn't changed, my opinion of him and this situation has not changed and in fact he sounds actually slimier now than before.

I understand you want to believe he wrote those poems just for you, but I'm going to go out on a very short limb and suggest you may be able to find them in some obscure book of poetry just by doing a Google search.

I understand you want to believe he is being 'held against his will' by that mean, horrible common-law partner but he isn't. People breakup everyday, he just doesn't want to. Why should he? You're still around, providing fuel for his fire that oh-by-the-way, he takes home to that common-law partner of his. You know, in some places, they call those people 'wives'.

I know you want to believe he really means what he says about wanting you to continue to be with him, you probably feel that he really respects you and maybe this isn't so bad because you haven't actually had sex with him, only talk on the phone, but the truth is you ARE having an illicit affair with this man. If you cannot in good conscience bring your relationship with him out in the very wide open for the *entire* world to see, you ARE his dirty, nasty little secret. You are better than that, you are no one's dirty little secret, and believe me when I say that a man who truly, deeply, and honestly cared for you and loved you, would NEVER even consider to make you one.

THAT is the truth about your situation. Whether you *choose* to believe it and act accordingly in your own best interest, is up to you.

Best,

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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