please help! i'm infuriated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
please help! i'm infuriated!
5
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:02am
i don't know why i'm amazed every time my ex does something sh*tty.

i haven't had contact with him for like a week (yeah that doesn't

sound long, but we have school together, and i count acknowledging

eachother as contact). Anyways, i called him last night, because

i need to know the english assignment that's due tomorrow. well, of

course, he didn't respond. and he probably won't.

my question is this: WHAT THE F*CK?! what is WITH him? he broke up

with ME, constantly ignores me and hurts me, and i ask him to do

ONE thing (it would take about a freaking minute to tell me the homework),

and he doesn't even RESPOND?!

i'm so angry right now. i'm angry that he still hurts me.

i'm angry that he still has power over me, that i let him get

to me.

i have school with him tomorrow. i'm so worried. how should i react?

what should i do/not do?

i want to confront him about it, but i don't want things to get nasty.

i just want to know why he feels the need to be so cruel to me.

what did i do to deserve this from him? i made mistakes in the relationship,

and i made mistakes during the breakup. that's completely natural. i regret

them, but i'm not going to beat myself up over them, and i'm not going to take

any blame for them. i apologized, and expressed the desire to remain friends

one day, after we're both "over" this.

the man i knew was gentle, and kind, and caring. i know that he is weak,

because his friends influence him SO easily. i know that he is probably

being coached by his friends, because he isn't like this at all. i know it

probably sounds like i'm making excuses for him, but i'm not. he's a COMPLETELY

different person when he's around his friends (who are all as*holes by the way),

and since we've broken up, all he does is hang around with his friends.

what should i do?

i'm really nervous for school (which i hate that i am nervous), and ANY responses

would be appreciated greatly! please feel free to offer any and as much advice as

possible. thanks so much guys, sometimes, i really think you keep me sane. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 11:11am
Look...when your attention and desire for him made his world a more ego-boosted place to be - he was all over you.

But he's "just like his friends" that is why they're friends - they're just alike in terms of values and priorities and thus they get along.

As for the English homework, nobody including and especially him, owes you that information that you didn't get on your own - in class or via osmeone else.

he's not "ignoring you" - he's not doing anything regarding you Very likely, he hasn't given you a passing thought or glance really - he was never that "into you" as an individual and once the high of infatuation wore off - it was done.

He's not ignoring you - he just doesn't "have a use for you" -and thus he's off with people that he does like and "have a use for".

Something to consider is you're spending alot of time and energy in "no contact" as if it is a solution. It's not - this guy isn't spending one second thinking about whether contacting you is something he wants to do. HE's having "no problem" with no contact...and you're having plenty of problems with it and becuase you think it's a solution to your feelings - you're going to get hurt.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 11:21am
You need to just pretend this never happened. It was a mistake to call him for the assignment (there was NO one else in the class you could have called?), but we all make mistakes during the recovery process...you just need to pick yourself up and move on. He has no obligation to be nice or kind or anything else to you at this point. Yes, it would be nice if he did so anyway, but if he did, it might be a double-edged sword because you'd be reading into his being nice.

So...just continue to have as little contact with him as possible and keep moving on.

Sheri

P.S. I know you were upset when you posted but you need to watch the language...even masked profanity (using *'s, etc) is prohibited by Ivillage. Someone could report your post and have it removed for that reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 1:16pm
well, he and i went out for a year and a half and were serious. very serious. so it's not like he just doesn't "have a need" for me anymore.

and no, there is no one i could've gotten the homework from, because this is a new school, and i don't know ANYBODY there besides him and his friend Nick. and nick isn't even in my english class, so....

i had strep throat, that's why i didn't go to class, it's not like i just blew it off. i take school very seriously, and if i had to call him to get the homework, i didn't care. i just wanted the assignment.

i appreciate your responses a LOT. but there's a lot more to the relationship, than "oh we were together for a while, and we broke up."

we were together for a pretty long time, and were starting to talk about engagement, etc.

this is why it's so hard for me, because i imagined myself married to him in five years. and the fact that HE wanted that (i didn't even want it, HE did, and HE talked me into it) and all of the sudden doesn't want ME is hard to deal with.

anyways, thanks for your responses, i'm sorry for the profanity :-\



Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 1:23pm
What about contacting the teacher/professor? For future reference only; what's done is done at this point.

And many of us have been in r'ships that we thought were going somewhere serious (talk of engagement, etc) but ended with us being dumped. So I understand completely where you're coming from and how hard it is to deal with, but the sooner you're able to accept that is no longer the case, the sooner you'll be able to move on. I'm not saying you should accept it *right this minute* ;-), but acknowledging that it's over and that he really does not have any further obligation to you at this point is the first step.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:23pm
Ok....I don't want you to take this the wrong way because I'm only saying this because I care and I want you to see it the way others may see it....

I know that it was hard for you not to contact him for a week and I think it just got the better of you so you made an excuse to call him. Part of me wonders if you may have already known the assignment....if you didn't, wasn't there someone else that you could have asked?? I don't think Jon is trying to be intentionally mean....I think he's just trying to move on and to get the point across that it's over. As for what to do at school....just act natural...like nothing ever happened. Don't confront him about it because it will just push him away further and he has no obligation to answer your calls anymore....so it's kind of pointless to blow up at him about it.

I know this is hard but you need to go back to your no contact and stick with it.....no matter what!! Try and stay busy and remember we're here to help if you need us!!!










Photobucket