Please help me!
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|Wed, 10-09-2013 - 2:36pm|
Hi all.. I'm having a very hard time getting over my most recent break up. It happened a little over two weeks ago and he broke up with me. I rely and have all the family and friend support in the world but there's some things I feel like I can't tell them truthfully so I feel like their advice doesn't count although appreciated. So I was hoping I could give you a rundown of my situation (please bear with me) and let me know what you all are thinking. And yes I am crazy! I can't help it
So here we go... and thank you so much in advance from the bottom of my heart.
Three months ago I got a text from an old friend. I haven't seen him in almost 5 years but we have kept in touch. The text was about how he always liked me, how he wants to try having a relationship etc. etc. Needless to say after MUCH though I agreed and we tried it out. The only problem was he lives in Washington DC and I in NJ. We agreed to meet up for a weekend but for the first month I was unavailable due to makeup school so we finally got together after that.
I went to DC... I was supposed to go for two days but we were instantly crazy about each other so it stretched into 6. We decided we were going to be committed and continue the relationship. We talked about so many things regarding our future and things were amazing. I went home with the plan to go back that Saturday for a few more days. He wanted me to move down there. We went to Target one night to buy things for me to keep at his house so I wouldn't have to lug stuff back and forth etc.
When I went back that Saturday I noticed he was different. Not noticeably but I'm super receptive to things like that. I was there until Tuesday morning. I noticed he was a bit more distant. We got into an argument that Monday night about our relationship and it just seemed to me he got scared we moved too fast. He talked about all his insecurities, how he didn't understand how I could like him, how he thought I was so much better than him etc.
So I went home upset but we were still together. The following Monday morning he called me and broke up with me. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, how he was too immature, how he wasn't willing to put in effort and that I was too good for him.
Needless to say I am still devastated and want him back. When we were together I never knew happiness like that. I want that back.. and with him. I miss him more than words can express. We were SO happy, he just freaked out!
Now here is the kicker... and why family members have told me I should move on. A day before my first trip down to DC he texted me with some very disturbing information. For me at least. He told me when he was in his late teens (he is 34 now) he dated and experimented with transsexuals. The individuals that are post-operation. I'm not sure why he felt the need to tell me this but he did. Needless to say I was very disturbed BUT believing that he hadn't tried to be with one in years I tried to not think about it. He even told me that "if we don't work out I might explore that avenue again."
So my second weekend down there he handed me his phone and asked me to look up something because he was driving. When I clicked on Safari a website address came up that I got a very quick glimpse at before I typed in the address he told me to. It didn't really register. So after the break up, this website popped into my head. So I did some digging. I found out he has an active profile on a dating website to date or just hook up with transsexuals. WONDERFUL!!!!
When we were together we obviously had sex a few times. He used to make jokes (not during sex but other times) about doing other things sexually and then he would laugh. I would laugh too and shake my head thinking he was kidding. But deep down I kept thinking maybe he wasn't kidding, maybe he was trying to get my reaction. I also think this may be a reason why he broke up with me.
Anyway... we really aren't speaking. We are still friends on FB. He did call me last week because I was having an ebay issue and he walked me through it. His birthday was Monday and I wished him a happy birthday and he responded but he just seemed beyond miserable.
Anyway... I don't know what to do. I miss him so much it hurts me every single day. I want him back but I think I'm crazy for even considering it knowing what I know but I just don't care!!!! I'm explored different avenues on how to get him back like spellcasters (see im crazy) and this course called Text Your Ex Back.
Does anyone have any advice for me?? What should I do???