Please help me
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| Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:09pm |
OK - here's the sad tale.... We were dating for almost two years. At first it was sheer bliss. I really didn't think I would feel that way again after a long, sad marriage. But he made me feel wonderful. There was a catch tho - there is always a catch. He was damaged and I KNEW that. He was in a relationship for 7 years prior to us hooking up and I spent the last two years being compared to that relationship. His past relationship really seemed to have scarred him and made it very difficult for he and I to really move on in our relationship. But being the positive person I am - I hung on thinking that it may get better. My bad. So - is it any wonder that I find out they had dinner last Friday and that they have been talking for months now? I should have known! I just don't get how this person can spend the past week telling me how he loves me and that how lucky he feels to be with me and how I'm the greatest girlfriend ever and then to find out he's been talking to his X (and another woman) all this time... How does a person do that?
How did I find this out? That's the scary part. I went online to check my email and I was trying to open up another page when his email account spontaniously opened up. SERIOUSLY. Just opened - how does that happen. A session times out after 10 minutes or so - so how could his email just open like that - FATE! Being the nosey person I am - I looked around. To my surprise I found all the emails he's been sending his X over the past few months. I was crushed. I went on a rampage and texted him that it was over and emailed her and told her the deal. Petty - yes it was - but damn - I was pissed!
So even tho I know that this is the best thing that could have happened to me and that somehow, somewhere the universe is truely telling me something - how do I not feel the pain of this? How do I just accept it and be happy being alone (again)...
Someone please tell me how.

Arquez70,
Hey girl, Im sorry for what you are going through. I spent 7 years single before I started dating my bf. Now we're broken up and I'm trying to readjust to my life without him. It's so weird that the majority of our life was spent without being in a relationship with our ex's. Yet once we get into a relationship we forget that we lived without them for three, four, five or six times longer than we did with them. You just have to try to get back to you. When it was all about you and not about him. It's hard because us humans get attached to people. We miss them once they're not around. Oddly enough the thing that gets me through my hard moments or days in this breakup is remembering my breakup before this. Remembering what I went through in that relationship and how hurt I was reminds me that I can get through this and that once I got distance on the relationship I realized I deserved so much better. I don't know if that'll work for you but I know most all of us have been through something difficult that we thought we would never get through. But we did. Remember those times when you start thinking you can't or won't get through this.
Hugs,
MsTil
Thx MsTillie - I guess I'm beating myself up cuz I think I KNEW that this was a waste of my time all along. I hate being alone, but what I hate even more is the fact that I held on to this when I knew it wasn't right for me.
Thx for your words of wisdom... I just hate feeling like this and am NOT looking forward to the grieving process - it took me months to get back after my break up with the husband (granted that was 16 years of marriage vs two years in a mini relationship) - can't I just be OK with this tomorrow morning and be happy again... really - can't it be my choice.... LOL!
I know how you feel. I feel the same way. I think I knew this was coming too. That's why I kept my feelings locked down so much this time. I didn't want to fall apart like I did the last time we boke up. I too wish I didn't miss him and didn't wish he would call. I know I need to let him be but I can't help it. I really miss him. Right now he is probably at the bank, then he'll go get a haircut. See! I'm sitting here thinking about his Thursday routine. (Sigh) God help us!
Hang in there. <<>>
Mines at a banquet for a team he coaches. Tomorrow he'll have lunch at the usual place and drive to the post office. Friday routine. But there will be a new addition this week, her.
I hate feeling this way, I want him to call, I don't want him to call. I hope he'll call, I hope he doesn't.
I want this to go away now, but this is only the beginning.
(sigh)
God help us is right
I know what you mean. I'm sure he called his X the minute I texted him - has to have a back-up plan. I wonder what he'll say to her when he finds out that I email her and some other chick he was talking to (from his email account). Was that wrong of me? LOL - I don't care. I know it was petty and very high school of me, but damn I'm so mad right now.
Don't call him, don't accept his calls. Why should we be available for them? What purpose does it serve? I sound bitter right? I VOW not to be a bitter old lady with 50 cats - I swear I won't. My skin crawls when I think about him just moving on to the next one, so easily, no thought to the damage he's left in his wake. I couldn't even tell you what he's doing now - he lied so much that I'm unsure of anything he's told me these past few months.
This to shall pass right? We will be OK, we're stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I'll cry tonight when it's quiet and there is nothing to distract my mind from the reality of this situation. I'll wake up with puffy eyes so that I'll have to wear dark glasses to work tomorrow.... UGH!
I'm glad I'm not the only one sitting here thinking about what their ex is doing. I need to start thinking about all the things that infuriate me so I won't want to miss him or talk to him.
Shall we make a list? I'll start.
1.He complained that we didn't get to spend enough time together, but hasn't asked me on a proper date for nearly a year!
2. He snores (wonder if the new girl will try to get him to wear those nose strips? Didn't work for the last girl he cheated on me with!)
No you can't. You'll know when you're ready. I couldn't even imagine meeting someone else and dating right now. I'm still exhausted from going through this right now. And I'm still going through it. You never know where love will find you. But that's just it. Let it find you. The thing about love is that it happens when you least expect it. It sneaks up on you. You never see it coming. So I'm trying to just go on with my life and remember what it was like to be happy alone. I was happy alone for years. I learned to do it after a 6 year relationship because I didn't ever want to feel like I needed someone to be happy. I know I can do it. We all can. It'll just take time.
Goodnight ladies,
Till