please help me make sense of this

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2005
please help me make sense of this
2
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 2:04pm
Hey, i am posting again to vent...
I broke down and called him yesterday...he wasnt very nice and was saying that since i left he has been working hard to clean up my messy bathroom(this guy has a cleaning problem, he is obssessive with it) and that if i ever move back...i will know this is how it will stay... he doesnt say anything about getting together to talk, or show any interest in my life. but ya the only thing i look at is wow he said maybe i can come back sometime...i know its sick. so i got off the phone, and i was ok for the rest of the evening (cuz he told me got called into work, so then at least i would know where he is) and then he called me before he left and talked about himself and then let me go...i told him if he wanted to call me tommorow.
its so hard, i just dont know what to do. I want to let go, as i know i am so addicted to him, i need to talk to him, to get reassurance just to feel a bit better. but at the same time maybe there is hope....but there is no substance to what he is saying, if he wanted to talk and get back together, see me, etc......he would. iam so confused someone please say something to make this make sense to me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 3:28pm

We all know the urge to call him to talk, but empower yourself by knowing that you don't have to give-in and call... You don't have to put yourself in the position of being hurt by him again.

Imagine a relationship sometime in the future in which you call a new significant other and he is warm and caring and values everything about you. *That* is the relationship you deserve, not this jerk! I believe that a new and better relationship can happen for you. Please believe that it can happen for you, too. Completely cutting ties with your ex will help. Tell him that you deserve better by letting go. I know it's the hardest thing that you'll ever do, and I probably don't yet really understand how hard it is, since I'm still just working through the beginning of *my* breakup. But, at this point, I do know that the 40 or so hours that it's been since he broke up with me have been the first 40 hours of the healing process (and the 40 hardest hours of my life!). For me, calling him now would set me back to hour 1 - and I fear that's also what you're doing to yourself. Respect the time, effort and tears that you've put into starting the healing process. Don't throw that progress away by falling back into trying to reconcile with him. Think about that better relationship that awaits and how great it will be and how much more quickly you will get there if you stop contacting your ex. Hope that this doesn't sound to preachy. I just want to see you heal from the hurt!!! :) You're great and deserve great people in your life. Walk away from the one who clearly is not being great to you now.

--hurtingbutstrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:14pm
I agree with hurtingbutstrong. Having contact with them takes us back to hour 1. It has been a month since I broke up with my ex and I saw him a couple of days ago. I am hurting more now than the first day of our break up. I made the contact and I have been the one who has since we broke up. It kills me every single time. He has moved on and it hurts to hear it. I am only punishing myself. I look at it this way if he wanted me back he would be asking me to come back and he isn't. It has been 3 days with NC and basically is the hardest thing to do. Today is his birthday and I have made the decision not to let him know I care. My best advice from my own experience is try to break the contact and focus on yourself. It is so much easier said than done. Hang in there. We are all here for you.