please help with my confusion...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
please help with my confusion...
8
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 1:02am
I was in an exclusive relationship with what I thought was a really great guy at work and he abruptly ended it without any explanation...we had been seeing each other & then one day he said he'd call me the next day to plan a date & then he never did...he just disappeared...I tried to call...he didn't answer & I left a voicemail of concern...no response...I sent an email of concern with no response...I can take a hint & didn't call or write again, but what is confusing & hard is that I have no idea what happened & this is someone I still see at work occasionally which hurts & makes it difficult to move on...any advice would be most appreciated...thanks...!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:41am
How long were you together? If it was only for a few months, he probably realized that he wasn't interested in an exclusive relationship and doesn't have the backbone to tell you to your face. My experience is that some guys can justify to themselves that they can just walk away instead of facing the consequences of what they are feeling. It is really too bad, but it's better to accept that it is over. My bf of a year dumped me in the span of an hour, and then never talked to me again. We were in a serious relationship, so he couldn't just dump me by ignoring me, but I think it just illustrates that he would rather never talk to me again than deal with any emotional stuff that comes after you end a relationship. I'm sorry he is disrespecting you by not giving you any explanation, but you need to put that on your list of reasons why you are glad he is gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:35am

I know exactly what you are going through. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a very intense 8 month relationship. Told each other how much we loved each other, he told me I was the only one for him, he didn't want anything to come between us and BAM he disappeared over Father's Day weekend. We had plans to see each other that Friday night and he never called or returned my calls. I called him around mid-night explaining my concern and how hurt I was, but no return call. Even his friends which some are mine don't understand why he did that. I think you and I just ended up with little boys who can't handle commitment and are too inmature to break up with us in an adult manner. I was very hurt, confused, and angered (still a little anger) but each day gets better. Each day will get better for you, I guarantee you that. Try your best to stay away from him at work and not have any contact with him. If you have to, get another job or get transferred to another department.

It is so hard since we don't know why our exes did us this way, it's like we don't have closure BUT look at it this way, if they did this to us, they will do the same thing to another woman or women. Men who think they can commitment but can't have a bad track record of breaking a lot of hearts so be thankful that your ex and my ex are not our problem anymore. You and I have great women and we deserve better and will get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:28am
thanks for the reply ...we were together the first time for a couple of months, then he bolted...we were apart for a few months, then got back together for around a month, then he bolted again...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:30am
thanks for your response...I appreciate it...and I hope both of us & all of us find that special someone someday...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 6:31pm

I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. This just happened to me last week. I really liked this guy. I'm kind of a jackass magnet, so normally I'm not as devastated when it doesn't work out...but this one hurts. I also work with him and can see him throughout the week. I was sure he was sincere. My son had even met him which makes this even sadder for me, b/c his dad hasn't been around for several years, so any time my boy thinks there's a chance for potential dad his eyes light up...and to see his disappointment makes my heart ache. This guy and I spent a great night together just b4 Turkey Day. He called the next night and I wasn't home. I returned his call the next morning, and I could tell something was different. Said he'd call, didn't. Stupidly I called a couple of more times (and he seemed happy to talk to me), invited him for dinner though and after a long pause and whatever excuse, said "we'll figure something out"...interesting that was last Wednesday. Saw him in the office the next day and he didn't even speak to me. Saw him today chatting up some bitchy, lumpy co-worker and all I could think is "God I hope it's not b/c of her" (She' always been such a catty wench to me). If I figure out how to make the tears stop and make this lump in my throat go away, I'll let you know. In the meantime though, I hope it's a little comforting to know...your not the only one!

Take Care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:17pm

I know it sucks. I'm going through a similar situation, my ex pulled away every time things started going good....in his words "when things were going good, he waited for the other shoe to drop" and expected it to turn out bad, so he would pull away. The last time it happened, I told him I cared a lot, but couldn't handle being shut out... so he ended it.

I understand how much it hurts and how confusing it is for you... wondering what you did wrong or what you could of done differently...plus wondering if he really means it because things were good, it's not like it ended because of an argument or something. Very confusing.

As easy as it to say, but as hard as it to do....you can't take it personally. He has issues that you probably have no idea about and that are above and beyond what the two of you had in your relationship, meaning it had nothing to do with your relationship.

And believe it not, it does get easier...one day you'll wake up and realize that for at least half the day, you feel "whatever" about him!!! :) Then each day the "whatever" attitude increases, and the hurt decreases.

I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:00pm

Thanks for your heartfelt response and I'm sorry you are also going through a similar situation...and yes, it must be hard for your son, too...I have also tried to keep my children sheltered from a guy until it seems like it has some hope for the future, but I have been wrong about that before...they seem very sincere, but somehow they aren't...

Thanks again for writing & I wish you the best...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:05pm

Thanks for your heartfelt response & I'm sorry that you are going through a similar situation...I am wondering if all these guys are just 'commitmentphobic'...? Not that they would tell us that...or maybe they just can't be with one person & so they move on...I really have no clue, but it does hurt & it is very confusing...

Take care & thanks again for writing...and I wish you the best of luck & happiness, too...