Please help..I want to call so bad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Please help..I want to call so bad...
4
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:00pm
I can't stop thinking about it today and over the last few days. Once I start crying I cry and cry and cry, it's like everything I pushed away for the last month or so just burst through the floodgates. I keep picturing him, he is in all of my dreams. In my dreams things are normal like we are dating. I remember every little thing we did together. This feels like slow and painful torment. I want to talk to him, I want to call him so bad, I don't feel like I can just walk away and not say anything. I wonder if he is feeling this and I wonder what went wrong. I never saw it coming so it just feels so wrong and like hes just making a huge mistake. Please tell me why I shouldnt call because I am so close. It'll be almost two months now and I feel like I can hardly even breathe...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:24pm
Calling will just keep you stuck in the same place. It may feel better momentarily if you get your "fix", but as soon as you hang up, you'll feel worse, and the whole cycle will begin again. Or worse, he'll be cold to you on the phone and make you feel like you're bothering him. Or he won't take your call or return it.

The only way to feel better is to resist the urge to call and string together a significant period of no contact. I know how hard it can be, but I also know from experience that nothing else works.

Hope this helps,

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:28pm
Chloe,

This feeling will pass. Don't call him. If you call him you may feel worse. I speak from experience. Initially it feels good, but then you realize you're not together and you have to say good bye again. Your healing will have to start all over.

You will get through this. Go for a walk, call a friend instead, anything, just don't call him. I feel silly admitting this, but I have called my own voice-mail and left a message as if I were leaving it for him. I said everything I needed to say and realized I would have felt dumb, had I really said those things to him. Make sense? Stay strong!

Keep posting. (((hugs))) to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 10:55pm
I know how you feel because I'm going through the same thing. It's only been a couple of weeks for me so I think you're way ahead of the game. Contacting him will only set you back. It's painful, anti-healing-, anti-growth, a waste of valuable energy, stupid and irresistible. Call a friend that can help you move through the urge when you feel like calling him. It sounds like you need closure. I was thinking about sending a "letter of termination" which would basically give me a way to express myself because I walked away too and didn't say anything. If he hasn't called you... DONT CALL HIM. There's a reason why he's not contacting you so don't humiliate yourself. Don't add to your pain and suffering. Good luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:18am
Chloe,

I know how you feel. There are so many times when I would love to pick up the phone, talk to him and everything will be worked out. But I think we all know that it doesn't work like that. I have my bad days where I cry and wonder why it happened. But I have not for awhile (moments, but not days) I just stay busy. I think of what I am going to do all day. I stay busy and once I have my plans, I know that calling him is not in it. I just take it one day at a time. I am hoping that the urge will go away. If someone doesn'twant to talk to me... why bother? There are lots of people who do!