Please! I need advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Please! I need advice.
3
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 4:55pm
Hi all. I'm new to this board and I need advice. I've had an online relationship with a guy for about a year or so before meeting. Stupid, I know! But it's long distance and something always came up. It was great until we met. He's sweet and smart and nice and kind and everything a girl would want really, but there was no physical attraction for me. I didn't know I was so shallow and it makes me sad that I am. I really tried to get past it, but I couldn't. It's not that he's ugly or grotesque, he just didn't do it for me at all. All I could think was please stop kissing me. I didn't say anything before he left because I was too ashamed to do it to his face and he was so sweet and sincere. I couldn't hurt him. Now I don't know how to end it. I feel like such a jerk. Please, someone help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 6:47pm

First of all, you are by no means being shallow by not being physically attracted to this guy. If it's not there, it's just not there. I was just in the same situation. I was seeing a guy who was very sweet, easy to be around, very attentive, and would have done just about anything for me. He was nice looking too. But once we started being physical, I just couldn't go on with it. There was no physical attraction. It's a frustrating feeling, but don't fool yourself into thinking it could change. I made that mistake - I married my ex thinking that it would change after we were married (I couldn't tell you how I came up with that thought process, but I did). Well, needless to say, it ended in divorce. And when it happened with this last guy, I knew to end it immediately because I knew it wouldn't change.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who you were physically attracted to? If so, then you definitely know when it's there and when it's not. If you let the relationship go on, you're only going to end up hurting yourself and him worse the longer you let it go on. You could tell him that you enjoy his friendship, but that you really don't see it going past that. I don't think I'd tell him that you weren't physically attracted to him - it would hurt his ego. You could also mention that the long distance thing would probably make a "relationship" difficult. If he sticks around for friendship via online, fine. If not, then that's fine also, because if he wants more, you won't be able to give it to him and be truly happy with yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 12:08pm
Thanks for your reply. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I tried hinting - not kissing back, moving my hand away, etc. but that didn't work. Some men must just see what they want to see. I guess I'll just bite the bullet and tell him I don't want to be more than friends. It's going to be very hard because I really like him and care about his feelings. :( But, you are right and I know I won't suddenly become attracted to him. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 4:33pm
Welcome to the board!!
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