Please I need help SOON
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Please I need help SOON
| Mon, 10-18-2004 - 8:01pm |
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 mths now and we've lived together for 4 of them. I met him through a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. The night I met him I didn't get to see him until a 1 and a 1/2 later b/c I was out of town for knee surgery but he called me everyday and even got disappointed if I didn't call. When I got back in town he came over immediately. We spent a couple of days together before he finally went back home. :) I got a call from him when he got home and said he just had his first fight ever with his father. His father hit him and he didn't want to stay there. He didn't want me to pick him up but I told him I was going to anyways. He stayed at my apartment and I told him he could just live with me. He refused at first cause he said he would just move back up north florida where he could have a place to stay. I told him I didn't want him to go cause I felt such strong feelings for him and I didn't want us to end. He admitted he didn't want to leave me either and he decided to stay. Everything was great, I was so happy and he told me he was so happy with me and he never had any worries when he was with me. We didn't have sex for a while just cause we didn't want to ruin anything. Once we started though we never stopped. Getting to my problem we just recently in September moved in with his best friend and his girlfriend and at first everything was fine but it just started to go downhill. He just stopped being the person I knew. He didn't clean anymore after himself, he didn't cook like he used to always, he just changed. We used to take my puppy to the park every Sunday which was his idea and now when I ask him to go he says he doesnt want to spend his time at a park. When ever we go out at night together he's very attentive to me but it's like when we're at home he shoves me away. He works pretty much every night long hours so I don't know if that's it but I miss the good times we had. I was talking to him the other day about what his best friend was saying about getting a house in June and he said we could live there so I told that to him. He said you and me as we in a playful voice but it was still hurtful. I started arguing with him saying I was just going to live with my mother up north and he finally said I don't care if you go or not this time or not(cause I was going to leave before but he told me I didn't have to go and he wanted me to stay), I dont' care if we stay together or not. So I was hurt and I left. I came back cause I wasnt able to stay at my mothers so when I came back he called me from his sisters house who he was staying the weekend with and said he didn't want to deal with it anymore. He said he didn't want to deal with a relationship anymore and I said with me and he said period. I haven't seen him since cause he's working. I would leave if I could but I have no place to go...I love him so much and I don't know what to do cause I don't want to lose him. I talked to his best friend and he said this is just him...this is what he does not living with someone cause I'm the first but with his last girlfriend his friend said they were off and on off and on. So what am I supposed to do if I can't leave and still have to stay in the same apartment with him. How do I get him back???? Please help

Hi
Your bf is a typical man, sorry to generalize but it's true. This is a big problem and you are stuck, because you have nowhere else to go. He tells his best friend he cares about you, but he tells you he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Ok, I care about my plants, because I really like nature, or whatever, but I do not love them, and if they wilt, I am not going to cry over them. This is how your bf feels about the situation, in my opinion.
He may care about you, but may not want to be with you. I bet that if you told him that you want to work things out, he will retreat even more, and will say he does not feel like it. He is playing mind games with you. He doesn't want a relationship, with you and he is happy to end it on his terms, so he is in control of the situation. When you say you will leave, he is scared of being alone, and dumped. No one wants to be a dumped loser in the end.
He is comfortable as long as he is in control and he uses you for comfort, whenever he feels like it. If I were you, I would try to get a job or another one if you already have one, so that you would be able to move out. In the meantime, I would ignore the man completely as much as I can, talk to him only on "a need to basis." Otherwise, live your own life and do your own thing, obviously still contributing your share to bills, etc.
No amount of talking, pleading or telling him how you want things to work out with you guys, will convince him. He has to come to you for this, if he wants to be with you. Let him be, do your own stuff, live under the same roof but be his roommate only, it will be hard, but eventually you will be able to move out and move on.
The only way to get him back is if he decided to come back, so there is nothing you can do to change his mind. You have to be strong for yourself and plan your life without the guy. Once you start doing your own thing, he may be curious about what you are doing and may change his mind or not. He will never come back if you try to get him back.
Take care of yourself.
Stand up for yourself, girl. Do not remain friends with someone who has rejected you. He hasn't acted like a friend!
hugs