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| Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:09pm |
I was a very overweight girl about a year ago and I began to date a friend of a friend. Well, I was a very passive and insecure person because I was so heavy. I didn't ever make any demands on him and he was used to much prettier girls harping him, and we got along famously. He helped me exercise and before you know it we were spending every day together and I moved in with him. I was in heaven, he was my first boyfriend and he was good-looking, athletic and caring. We spent our days exercising and hanging out. Soon though I began to hunger after the physical attention I wasn't getting. I felt bad because he had invited me into his life and was attentive and fun but not very cuddly. We had sex and he would stop and kiss me or give me an occasional hand hold but that was it. One day we were on our way back from the gym and he told me that he didn't like it about himself but he was more affectionate towards thinner girls. I appreciated the honesty but things began to unravel. I felt very insecure. I had gone from 240 to 180 at the time but was still considerably overweight. We only fought once when we were together and it was a drunk and silly arguement but I still felt we weren't going to make it. I began to realize how smart he was and it made me feel inferior. He was educationally based and I had yet at 23 to start college. He broke up with me after 5 months and told me I was his best friend and he wanted me to stay. He asked another girl out that night. I was shattered, how could he move on from me like that? I was so in love and he was fine with being my friend. Then I got angry. I shouted and then ignored him and made up only to get angry again. We continued sleeping together inbetween his other girlfriends. We still spent alot of time together. I would get angry everytime a new girl came into the picture but for a year we would have some distance for the month he dated them and then right back to spending all our time together. I felt like I was constantly waiting. He encouraged and begged me to find someone or something to move onto and supported me in starting school and getting a better job. I love him for so much but I find it hard to be just his friend. After awhile I started to irritate him. He thought I was weak and said I didn't take any of his advice. He couldn't handle me anymore. His other friends took in his advice and he could respect theirs. But to him I was ignorant and didn't have anything to offer him. Now we don't spend any time together. I feel lost but worse than that I feel guilty and stupid. He hates being around me because I get angry. I guess it's always lurking there now and anything can set me off, I think it's because I feel out of control when it comes to him because I need him so bad and he could take it or leave it. So instead of being my relaxed self I become needy and push him further and further away. He says he understands and doesn't think I'm a bitch but I feel like one. I feel horrible knowing that this person that used to want to hang out with me would prefer to have nothing to do with me. Worse yet I have to watch his friends come over and hang out and we used to be inseperable. I used to be his fun, laid back friend, the person he included in everything. Know he sees me as weak, and whiny and annoying and it's destroying me because that's what I've become. I've ruined my friendship and on top of losing him I feel guilty for annoying him for so long but I was trying to hold onto this amazing person any way I could. Am I crazy or just too pathetic for words? i think it's both. Please be as brutal as you like.

Hi civiljenna and welcome to the board.
it takes 2 for tango and its not good to carry relationship on your own back.it seams to me that you were to him just something sure..something he can always come back to cuz he is using fact that you love him,but he actually dont have right attentions..not the one you are hoping for..but hold on girl..you are not the only one on this roller coaster of broken hearts..
I'm going to point out a few more things for you...
::First, I hate that I lost my cool laid back attitude and became "the most psycho girl he's ever had to deal with."
It's ok to 'hate' that.