please talk to me
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 10-17-2004 - 3:18pm |
for about a month now if i say i love you he will just 'hmm' an if i push it he sez 'i dunno'. He keeps telling me when he graduates he will 'be gone' just leave me. usually he only sez it when hes cross but part of me thinks he really means it. some times hes fine - when he wakes up he always pulls me over for a hug and eery now and then wants a cuddle. other times he just gets so moody - like if he cant find something then he will start the 'i hate this place etc you do my head in etc' . i just dunno what to do - i love him so much and he makes me happy sometimes but i dont wanna loose him and i want him to say he loves me and i ont want him to dump me after uni. his mum sez its just him being homesick but i wish i could know for sure whether he is serious bout leaving me.
i just dont know what to do. does he love me? what should i do - i cant dump him - i have to live with him and i dont have any friends. why does he have to be so mean.
right now hes in a moody and i dunno when he will be cool again - usually he just snaps out of it for no reason. if he sees me upset though he will be more cross so i will just saty up here in the study till im not crying.
im sorry this is such a long post i just dont know who to tallk to and i dont know what to do and i hate it - i just wanna be happy with him.
please will someone talk to me. ive probably bored you all before you read to here anyway.

I am very sorry for the pain you're going through now. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years just about two months ago. I still have days where I can't stop crying, but it's getting better. From what I'm reading about your boyfriend, I'd say you need to start preparing yourself for life without him. I was in a similar position as you when I was 20. Instead of making a clean break with a man who showed less and less affection for me, I managed to get him to marry me. I spent the next 17 years in a loveless marriage trying to make him love me as much as I loved him. In the end, I began to drink as heavily as he did and suicide was always on my mind as a way to end the misery. If I had simply faced my fears of life without him, I would have survived and likely become a stronger individual because of it. You can't force anyone to love you. Ultimately, you can only count on yourself to love yourself. Please carefully consider separating from your boyfriend...he shows all the signs of a man who's already ended your relationship in his mind and in his heart. Good luck...
I know that it's really hard to deal with someone who is constantly up-and-down---
especially someone who hints at a future breakup after you've already invested so much energy,time,love,etc. in to the relationship. However, it is ultimately not worth sticking out a relationship where you do not get the kindness, respect, and love that you deserve.
Since you guys live together, it's probably even harder to deal with his emotional turbulence, but it's an issue that ought to be confronted if you want to salvage or improve your relationship. If he wants to have a future with you, then he needs to acknowledge that it takes two people to make a relationship work.
You totally deserve to be appreciated and not just "happy sometimes" because you have too much going for you to let someone bring you down the other half of the time.
good luck to you and best wishes
I'm sorry to hear your story, but I hope I can give you a bit of helpful advice cuz I was in a very similar situation myself not too long ago.
My bf also used to say things about me when he was angry - 'you've put on weight', 'are you really that stupid?' etc, and it used to get me so down. He also used to threaten to leave me every time we had a fight - and it got to the point where that was more than once a week. I didn't tell him how much this affected me, and I kept my feelings all bottled up. It got to the point where one day I just lost it.
I screamed for a while, but then I found myself actually talking to him and telling him how I felt . . . To my surprise, he actually listened. He said he never realised how much his comments upset me - cus he thought I'd know he was only saying things cuz he was angry and he thought that it wouldn't bother me and I'd soon forget about it. He was pretty upset when he realised how down I'd been about it all. He cared enough about me to try and change, and I'm happy to say that we are still together and things are going much better. If we disagree, we sit and talk calmly and openly about each others feelings, and if he ever does say something stupid, he immediately apologises, and I know not to let it bother me cuz he doesn't really mean it.
So, my advice would be to be completely open and honest about your feelings to him, and see how he responds. But whatever you do, try to keep calm, men hate being yelled at, and immediately stop listening if you start to raise your voice. If he does truly care for you, he'll try to make things better, and if not, you'll know that it's time for you to move on and do better for yourself.
I'd also like to suggest that you go out and make some friends, this will serve two purposes. Firstly, it will make you feel happier and more confident about yourself. Secondly, you made reference in your post to a time when your bf thought he was going to lose you and he was all nice? If he sees you going out and having fun with other people, he should start to realise what he'll be missing if you meet some man who sweeps you off your feet.
Hope this will help you, and i hope things work out for you one way or the other
Ms xxx