Please tell me have we made a mistake?
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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:41pm |
Hi everybody
Well we broke up yesterday. It was a 'mutual decision' and we spent the whole day discussing it. I've never been so exhausted. The thing that makes it so hard though is that we are such a good match.
Basically the issue is taht for the first few months of our relationship he had a girl mate that he neglected to tell me about. He saw her maybe 3 or 4 times before decided it wasn't fair on me and stopped seeing her. He assures me nothing was going on and I believe him as I read texts that were just normal and friendly. However, I couldn't let it go. We would have a month of everything going really well and then it would come up again. This went on for a while and I would check his phone and snoop a lot which he hated because he's a private person. He just wanted me to trust him but I couldn't get over it. I just want to say though that during the times inbetween things were so great. We click so well and care about each other so much, I've never been with someone who I've felt so myself with.
We have talked through the issues over and over and now I think yesterday was the last straw as I snooped again and we got to talking and admitted that perhaps things would never get resolved. I cried. He cried. We changed our minds numerous times throughout the day but eventually I left.
We are still in touch. We emailed a couple of times today saying we felt awful and all teh 'what ifs' came into play. We said we will meet up in a week to see how we feel. Bad idea?
I just wish I could get over these trust issues from the start of the relationship. Sometimes you just know when someone is a good person. There are only so many times someone can apologise before it gets unfair to them.
What does everyone think should we work on it?
Hel x

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Carrie
I don't know why but I never even thought of counselling as an option. We have been going out seriously about 6 months so maybe that is why (because we aren't a married couple or anything). I just feel like it is something I should be over by now. All my friends tell me that everybody makes mistakes and I need to forget it and move on.
Thanks for the advice. I am wondering whether a fresh start is best but at the same time we had something so good...
Carrie
I feel quite protective of him when you say things like that - is that odd? He never did any of those other things. This friend he had way before i met him so in some ways you can't hope to interfere with that. Another factor is that I didn't ask him to stop hanging around with her, he did it because he didn't want me to be upset and felt bad. After that he tried his best to tell me lots of stuff and keep me in the loop to regain my trust even though he is naturally private.
I don't know. It probably is for the best just have a clean slate but there is so much good in him and in our relationship...
Carrie
we have similar problem "TRUST" issue...well like i told my coworker today before i could be in a relationship i have to work on my problem...trusting the guy that i'm dating..cuz what i recognized all my break up are similar...i dont trust the guy..or either they dont trust me too...LOL
i think this is bcuz of what we experience to our last relationship "or" either bcuz of what we seen in our family member when we were younger..you know what i mean...
just like i remember when i was younger my brother likes to play around with different girl....my male cousin too...their like a big time player....girls cry for them begging them...too much drama...so now i guess i'm the one who's getting affected..right??
i dont trust guys...so what i promise my self...before i'll be in a relationship i need to do some self improving...samething with you....try to manage yourself...esp if you really LOVE this person....GOOD LUCK
Why would either of you want to be in a relationship where someone couldn't get over something. Learn something from it and move on. I don't know if I would twist myself
inside out to save a 6 month relationship, but if you think you contributed to it based
on something inside you, maybe you want to go to counseling by yourself.
If it's over, it's not a good idea to stay in contact. It will just keep you from grieving and moving on.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others."
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Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
I don't believe the acts of betrayal were on his part, but rather (and pardon me for this) on yours.
Thanks for all the messages guys.
Sandra - as far as the exclusivity goes we were exclusively dating from the start which then developed into an exclusive relationship after about 3 months or so. We had talked about this and it was relatively clear. This girl he was seeing every so often was not a date, just a friend that he knew from before we got together. I think the reason I find it so hard to move on from is that he kept it from me. He said it felt like less hassel at the time not to tell me, and that he hadn't planned on seeing her that much longer anyway because he didn't like lying to me and because they weren't majorly best buddies anyway. I think I believe him but still I can't stop dwelling on what might have happened and the fact that he kept secrets when I honestly thought we were being honest and open and everything was fine. There are only so many times he can apologise but you're right this magnified my insecurities which led to snooping which made me blow every little thing out of proportion and worry all the more just because he hadn't told me about a text he'd received or something (like I give him a running log of all my texts!!).
Its the second day and I feel awful. Can't stop crying. We are still in touch, probably a bad idea I know but we said we'd help each other through it and I'm not sure we have 100% accepted that it's over yet because if this issue could be dropped we'd be perfect for each other.
Do I sound like a wuss?? :P
No chica, you're not a wuss, but you're going to majorly mess yourself up if you think that the person who broke your heart is the same one who's going to help you put it back together.
I ask you, does that make sense?
Ok, one thing caught my eye, and it ain't pretty.
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