Please tell me have we made a mistake?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Please tell me have we made a mistake?
11
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:41pm

Hi everybody

Well we broke up yesterday. It was a 'mutual decision' and we spent the whole day discussing it. I've never been so exhausted. The thing that makes it so hard though is that we are such a good match.

Basically the issue is taht for the first few months of our relationship he had a girl mate that he neglected to tell me about. He saw her maybe 3 or 4 times before decided it wasn't fair on me and stopped seeing her. He assures me nothing was going on and I believe him as I read texts that were just normal and friendly. However, I couldn't let it go. We would have a month of everything going really well and then it would come up again. This went on for a while and I would check his phone and snoop a lot which he hated because he's a private person. He just wanted me to trust him but I couldn't get over it. I just want to say though that during the times inbetween things were so great. We click so well and care about each other so much, I've never been with someone who I've felt so myself with.

We have talked through the issues over and over and now I think yesterday was the last straw as I snooped again and we got to talking and admitted that perhaps things would never get resolved. I cried. He cried. We changed our minds numerous times throughout the day but eventually I left.

We are still in touch. We emailed a couple of times today saying we felt awful and all teh 'what ifs' came into play. We said we will meet up in a week to see how we feel. Bad idea?

I just wish I could get over these trust issues from the start of the relationship. Sometimes you just know when someone is a good person. There are only so many times someone can apologise before it gets unfair to them.

What does everyone think should we work on it?

Hel x

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:15am

Hey Sandra

Sorry I'm not being very clear. When we first started dating after a couple of dates we both said we were 'exclusively dating each other' but it took a while before we got to 'girlfriend/boyfriend' status if that makes sense? That's kind of what I meant by exclusive relationship but I can see that wasn't very clear. Basically we knew we were exclusive to each other pretty much from the start.

I never showed him text logs, that was sarcasm on my part :P sowwy! I know where you are coming from though. I know have my own issues and they were exacerbated by finding out he'd lied to me...however innocent it was. I never told him to stop seeing her he just did I'm not sure why although I'm sure a lot of it had to do with him feeling guilty at upsetting me.

I guess I have to examine whether we can be compatible. I'm a very open person whereas he greatly values his privacy. There are things i know he won't tell me, for instance: his ex girlfriend (who lives in australia but used to work with him) came back for christmas and popped into the office to say hi. I found out by reading a text. His reasoning was it wasn't important enough to stress me out over. He also won't tell me much detail about his past relationships and how they ended etc which is annoying as he's still friends with one of his exs and i'm sooo curious.

We're a perfect match in personality, likes/dislikes,sense of humour etc. I really was falling in love with him now it seems like he's gone for good. I want more than anything to get back together but i know that would be really unfair if the old issues just crop up again and we have to go through this twice. We are still in touch, i amseeing him later this week to pick up my stuff :(

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