please tell me this is normal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
please tell me this is normal
1
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:45am

Hi all,

My ex and I broke up about 7 mos ago. We were together for over a year, and prior to that we were best friends for over 10 years. We have a long history together. We had a long distance relationship, and towards the end we started fighting etc, and he ended it by saying that he loves me, but is not "in love" with me. I had a hard time dealing with that but over the course of the past few months I realized that maybe thats how I feel as well. I have tried my hardest to move on; dated others, go out with friends. The problem is I still think about him daily, I miss him like crazy when I don't talk to him, and everynight I go to sleep, I have a dream about us. The other night I dreamed that he was getting married to another girl. I woke up very sad, and ever since then I have been wondering if my feelings for him are true love. We have had the ability to hang out lately, and its been going well without any complications from our old relationship. But I am feeling these old feelings coming back. Did I really love him? Do I love him still? I can push him out of my thoughts for the day, but I can't control my dreams at night. Please tell me if theres something I'm missing here. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 5:44am
IMHO, you're not ready to hang out with him as friends because you're not over him yet. You need time to grieve your loss and accept that you two are over. You have a long story together and such, but you didn't work as a couple. Talking to him every day or seeing him doesn't help you at all. You need time for yourself to think about what you want and what you feel. Tell him not to contact you and to respect your wishes. You're doing this for your own well-being. You'll be ready to hang out as friends when the thought of him dating a woman, having sex with her or marrying her doesn't disturb you or makes you feel jealous or sad.