possibly moving away
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| Fri, 02-23-2007 - 10:26am |
Okay so I feel like I've been here a lot in the past 2 months. Lately I've been mostly responding to other and just reading but today I've down and out.
If you've read any of my other posts you know that my ex and I broke up right before New Years. We live together but he's been sleeping elsewhere so we barely see each other (maybe in passing). I moved here for him 4 yrs ago and have been looking for a job back home with my family due to the circumstances. I know I've been sort of putting it off in hopes that he might realize he was wrong (even though deep down I knew he wouldn't) but still I did. Well I'm going home for the weekend and a company I applied for called me yesterday. So I let him know this am that I wasn't going to be here for the weekend so that he wasn't wondering where the dog was if he stopped over on the weekend (he does that sometimes to get stuff for the gym or maybe just to piss me off I don't know). He asked when I decided to go... I said about a wk or so ago. He asks why I didn't tell him. Why--well b/c I didn't think it really mattered if he knew or not (he lost those privelages remember) I also told him about this other company and he asked what type of company it was and where it was. I told him insurance and in NY. I think couldn't control myself and my mouth was running before I could stop it. I told him that I'd hopefully be out of his hair soon and he could have the apt back to himself and wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. He started to say something like "it's not that I want you to move out of state but... (to be honest I don't really know what b/c I talked over him b/c I was starting to whimper and knew I wasn't going to hear what i wanted anyhow)
Now I'm real sad and could cry at the drop of a hat b/c I just want him to tell me to stay. As much of a jek as he was I can't imagine him not being part of my life and even though I don't see him all the time now, I know that his stuff is still at the apt and that I might run into him (even if I'm a jerk when he is there-b/c I can't think of anything nice to say or usually anything at all).

Hi belly, it's normal what you feel.
I know it's best if I just do my own thing but you know how we women think. It just make me sooo sad to know that he's just gone like that. I will be calling this company back to see what they have to say so we'll see. The ex did call me on my trip home (he calls usually during the week but I don't answer the phone that often b/c as far as I'm concerned he lost those privelages when he broke up with me ). On the other hand I'm so afraid that we'll never talk again once I move and I just don't know how I'll be able to stand it. I know I will b/c c'mon we've all had this happen before it just seems so much worse when you actually thought that they were the one that you'd be with forever and that no matter what happens I thought we'd work it out. Now I'm forced to start over AGAIN!
I'm just trying to spend time with my family and hopefully that will distract me enough to make it easier to move on.