Post Break-up Thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Post Break-up Thoughts
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 5:36pm

Hi All, it's me again. I am hoping to share my thoughts with you ladies.

I haven't seen him for a month and the last time I talked to him was a week ago. I knew he would stop calling one day after I told him it was over and done. Although I broke it off, it doesn't make me feel any better. I didn't break up because I met someone new, I broke up because he has been hurting me mentally for a long time. Although I thought I was mentally prepared for this pain with NC, it is still hurting me so much. I am in pain for a loss. Someone who I have thought of 24/7 is completely out of the picture. Maybe I won't hear or see him again. I am not capable of being his friend. We were never friends to start with.

I had my ups and downs. Someday I cry nonstop, I feel sad, depressed, being used etc. Sometimes, I feel peaceful, like now. I want to reflect on what has happened in the last year.

I don't know your takes on the friends after the breakup thing. But for me, for now, I just can't. It will kill me if I see him with another girl, it will also kill me if I initiate the contact, and he doesn't reply, or he says something sour. So before I get over him, I shouldn't make the contact.

I am going through the pain of losing him, the pain of being apart from my family and the frustration of professional instability. Maybe I am going through a quarter life crisis. So I really can't distinguish where my frustration/sadness is coming from. There is a lot on my plate right now, and I really wish I had more time to deal one by one.

Somehow, I feel the experience with this guy makes me more complete. I have never experienced anything like this, this is my first adult relationship. I guess I was addicted to the pain - "so exquisite" like Carrie puts it in Sex & City.

Maybe God is teaching me to know myself better and to find the inner happiness and peace.

I know I am not alone. A lot of you guys are going through the same pain. I really really hope this phase in our lives will pass faster.