Post-breakup
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| Mon, 04-10-2006 - 7:46pm |
Hi everyone.
I just joined here today because I am going through a tough time.
I stopped seeing a person I have been going out with for two years two weeks ago.
It is very difficult to move on. I want to feel good about myself but two years in a relationship where I was fully dependent on him wasn't good for my self esteem.
I feel better when I am with friends and laughing. But when I am alone I feel horrible. I ask what is wrong with me, am I not good enough? I spent so much time talking to my mum on the phone. She's trying to help me get over this but its very hard.
I know it was the right thing to leave him. Even my mum told me that when I was with her on vacation last year that she could tell I didn't really like him. It's very scary for me to let go and to move on. I know I have lots of things going for me. Its just this one person is plaquing my mind. He seems like he's moved on. I don't know for sure since guys do handle things differently than the ladies.
I didn't feel attracted to him anymore and I was attracted to people I had classes with. I need to find myself but I am terrified. I've spoken with many people and no matter what they say I feel like the only person who's opinion matters is his.
I think it wouls be helpful to know how other people are dealing with this or how other people have handled this situation because I know I'm not the only one!
Thank you!

Yes, I think all of us have gone through this, even if we know that ending the relationship is the right thing.
The biggest thing for you right now is to *let time pass*. You're only 2 weeks into this...it's simply going to take time before you feel better given how long your relationship was.
However, you definitely also need to stop yourself from thinking that you did something wrong or that something is wrong with you because things didn't work out. You just weren't right for each other.
It might not be a bad idea for you to talk to someone to work on your self-esteem and to help you re-focus on yourself. I've been seeing a counselor/life coach since my last breakup and it's really been helpful.
Sheri
hi ibis
guys are like that some reason they dont show their emotion. but i bet you they getting hurt also. well i guess the diff between as ladys with thiS guys. we like sitting alone in the house. thinking all this craft and them i bet you they spent time with their friend to make them busy. also to show us that they are over us. i mean life is unfair. i know its hard. what can we do right? were crazy....i just dont get it too! why as ladys like staying with this kinda person?
well i think is up to as what we really want in relationship. we let them do things like this so their used to that...so their all BIG HEADED.
SO WHAT THEY THINK IS...."SHE WILL CALL ME NO MATTER WHAT"
WELL THIS ALL UP TO YOU. WHAT EVER MAKES YOU HAPPY dO IT!!
FACE THE REALITY....TRY TO BALANCE HIS PROS AND CONS....ASK YOUR SELF IS THIS KINDA RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU REALLY WANT?
GOOD LUCK DEAR.....I PRAY FOR YOU...GOD BLESS YOU
Hi Sherri
I did end up going to see a counsellor.. I went yesterday and I explained my emotions to him. He helped me pinpoint why I felt this way and made me realize that it was normal. I lost a great support in my life that I used as a substitute while I was away from home. I couldn't help that I wasn't attracted to him anymore and I couldn't keep seeing him knowing I felt this way.
However it makes me sad thinking that he moved on faster than I have. There are a lot of things wrong right now with me now especially with the way I view myself. I don't see myself as the fun and funny person I used to be. I am a student now and I have been at this school for 3 years. I started seeing him in my first year so the full time I have been here has been defined by him. I'm slowly getting over him its just now its so hard rebuilding myself and coming to terms with my feeling about myself.
Right now I'm putting such a negative person out there to show the world. I'm not as self-assured or self-confident and it shows. I want to be able to go out and show that I'm happy being me. I just don't know how to start!
--Ibis
Thanks guys for your support. It just got worse today since I wanted to give back somethings he gave me. Except for one thing which I wouldn't give back. He wouldn't leave my room so I had to call security to ask him to leave. It was my fault for contacting him. It's hard since a lot of bad things came out.
He told me that last fall he cheated on me, which I don't believe and he told me that he is seeing someone new already who is so much better than me. I didn't take it so badly since I told him first that I was attracted to other guys. If he wants to see someone new its not because I was any less of a person. Its because we changed. He said he felt sorry for me and said people here thought I was a bitch. That was hurtful but there's nothing I can do about the way others see me. My mum, who has been helping me through this over the phone has just said its a matter of him one-upping me with everything.
We have changed. He knows now that I used him for the past year. I told him today that last year when I was really sick and he neglected me that I wanted to stop seeing him. But I decided that it wasn't a good choice for me then since I still relied on him. I'm glad were not seeing each other anymore cause I needed to be liberated. I just need to get things together for myself so that I can put my trust in other people.
Thanks again for the support. Its a tough time and I tell tell I'm not alone. I hope everyone gets over this time. Its all just a phase. Sometimes we rely too heavily on other people and forget that we must rely on ourselves!
take care,
Ibis
I e-mailed my Hypnotherapist last night...asking to speak with her at some point today. Because this is my dilemma, and maybe yours as well:
You WANT to move on, you KNOW that even though its hard to acknowledge this, the relationship WASN'T right the way it was going on...but because your self-esteem is now so low and you feel like a piece of garbage tossed aside because HE was the one walking out....you seem like you CAN't!!! I've been SO nice through all of these past 2 weeks...lovely messages....not pestering - but i get nothing back. The odd message...and all this just makes me feel even worse! So breaking contact completely, i know, is the best to do....and yet: WHY DO WE FEEL LIKE WE'RE THE ONES WHO DID WRONG? (Fair enough, no one's perfect, but hey, we all cared SO much for our men, wanted to be with them - i was even happy at 29 to say he was my last boyfriend...eventually marry him and have his children!) Just don't get it....
I wish everyone a speedy recovery because i think it's just SO unfair that we sit and cry about something that is no more, but because of the true nature of us woman, we hurt, we cry, then we stop for maybe a day, then we hear a song, hear some news like's he met someone a week after you split up, and we cry again....may our all dry our tears....be filled with motivation and enthusiasm and live our lifes the best we can!!!! Because we only have the one...