pregnant and dumped

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
pregnant and dumped
13
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 8:53am

Im so so sorry but please could you take time out to read this, thank you. I really need some advice from people that I do not know........

I have been with my boyfriend (ex) for 8 years, things were good, we got on well and I thought this was the man I would be with forever (im 27 and he is 30). Anyway 5 years ago we started trying for a family and unfortuently I had 2 miscarriages that left us both broken hearted, so after the second one we decided to leave it for the time being and just enjoy our lives and have some fun for a few years (holidays, nights out etc).

Things were going fine up until Feb 2006 and we started arguing a bit mainly over me going on that we should prehaps start growing up a little and wanting to start settling down. We had w really rocky couple of months and then my partner left me in May 2006, I was devastated. Anyway I tried to pick up the pieces and had a little bit of a breakdown as I found out in June 2006 that my partner had met someone else and they were getting married, yep in just a month or so they were getting married, I dont know how I got through the next couple of weeks and then came the biggest blow, she got pregnant. I was just in pieces, Ihonestly can not remember how I got through that time.

Anyway in the August my ex started contacting me saying how he had made the biggest mistake of his life and how he wanted me back and he didnt want to get married he even went as far to say he did not think the unborn child was his, anyway I started falling for all this and he broke of with the girl and I took him back, but I said he must stand by his unborn child if it is his. I took a lot of grief from the other girl calling me a family wrecker, I also found out she was deperate for another child, and I thought my ex maybe was just in the wrong place and the wrong time (stupidly blind of me). Anyway we got back together and things were fine, the baby was born this year and I told him to go and see it, but the girl would not let him see the child unless he finished with me, so in April 2007 he finished with me again saying he needs to see his child so he cant see me no more, again he left me broken hearted.

The girl caused me grief again saying things like im not a real women as I cant even carry my children (my ex told her about the misscarriages), it really upset me. A week later my ex wants to come back and yes I take him back. The girl stops him seeing his child but constantly on his case about getting back with him, we kind of got through it and my ex wanted to try and start a family with me, and in June of this year I found out I was pregnant, we were over the moon but so scared too.

Anyway my ex started going out all the time and not getting in til early hours (i know girls were not involved, just drinking and his mates), I asked him to stay in with me and help me through this pregnancy, this pee'd him off and he used to cause rows all the time, I tried so hard not to get stressed out for the babies sake. The other girl was giving us hassle too, but then she started going out with another fella, all of a sudden my ex took offence to this saying that the other man better not try and be a father to his son (how can he have the cheek to say this).

Anyway in July my ex left me and said we just should not be together, its been a blur since then. The one thing we wanted was a child and now we had the chance, he never asked about my scans or anything, thankfully im 14 weeks pregnant and never got this far before, but I have now since found out that he is allowed to see his son coz he is not with me anymore and he is basically at the other girls beck and call. They are not together (I dont think). I had not heard anything from my ex until a week ago when asked me if I had been saying stuff about him as the other girl would not let him see his child again as i had been saying stuff and I swore on my unborn childs life I had not said a thing (which is the truth), anyway he ended coming round my house and he tried it on with me but I said no, he made an excuse and left and I have not heard from him since, so obviosly he tried to use me.

Why is he playing these games with me and why am I being giving grief from the other girl, im trying to leave them alone but I still get accussed of saying things. I really do love my ex, God only knows why, but he is treating me so mean, he never asks how im doing , he never calls or anything, instaed he is out having fun with his friends, he dont ever answering my texts and he is playing the doting Dad to his son that he didnt even care about. Please please dont think I thnk that is a bad thing because I dont, it just hurts that I was going to stand by him and help him and get to know his son, but its all been chucked in my face. I just need some outside advice. Im sorry if this is too long.

I would be grateful for any advice please

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 10:59am

Hi,

I am sorry you have to go through this. Your situation is extremely difficult. From your story the only advice I can give you is to get rid of this guy once and for all. If he is not willing to commit to you and only you then he is not worth it. He is playing games with your head and stringing the other girl along on the side. It definitely complicates things even more since you have a child on the way but that child would be better off with a single mother than with an active father who cheats on his wife on a consistent basis and will not commit to her. Congratulations on the baby. Turn all of your energy toward getting ready for the child. Everything will be okay and will fall into place. Just take it one day at a time and spend time with your family and friends.

Best of luck and congrats

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:09pm
I am also sorry you are going through this .I think this man is playing with you and with the other woman as well. You are going to be a mother and that is the most important thing right now. You and your child do not need a man like this in your life. DO not contact him, and focus on taking care of yourself. We are all here to support you !
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:24pm

Welcome to the board lonelygirl27,


Sounds like he's true to form, he's doing to you what he did to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:26pm
Awww thank you so much for your kind words. I know what he is like but I cant seem to take my rose tinted glasses off! Just feel very emotional at the moment but maybe I feel a whole lot worse because of my hormones x
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:30pm
Maybe this is what is called karma, this is my punishment for getting back with him while she was pregnant. Im trying to concentrate on me and the baby but its soooooo hard :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:59pm

I'm a big believer in karma, BUT I gotta say, there is a gift in all this for you - you get to see the 'real' him, you get to see what you don't want in a man, what you don't want in a relationship and you will come out stronger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 1:16pm
My friends and family are being brilliant, but the reason I have turned to here is just to take the pressure off them a little, give them a break from my constant crying. Also an outsiders advice does help too x
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 1:18pm
Post here anytime you need to or want to.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 2:34pm
You need to be strong for your unborn child.
This man is immature and unstable. Your child deserves a father who will provide a constant and stable relationship, obviously your ex is not capable of that right now.
I realize that this is a scary and uncertain time for you right now. I am sorry if this is harsh but this has become about the child.
God Bless~
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 8:39pm

I dont' think you need any advice. You've done what any objective outside person would have done...stopped playing his merry-go-around game. Don't contact him. Contact a lawyer, and MAKE sure that when your child is born, he's footing the other half of the bill.

My mother had a good friend from high school whose father ran off with a younger woman while she was pregnant with their second son. For 10+ year, he was off carousing with this woman's son from their first marriage. Taking him on cruises, and lavishing money on this child (which wasn't even his) while his kids could barely afford to go to university...until one day the 'relationship' finished and he came back trying to build a relationship with the kids he'd abandoned. Guess what? They refuse to have anything to do with him. So this man is now without the OW that he's spent years with, his sons won't acknowledge him..and he regrets it..very much.

Everything you do comes back to you..if you wait long enough. Best advice is to take care of yourself, and take care of that child.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your

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