"Probably wouldn't be this way"
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| Mon, 07-25-2005 - 5:17am |
Normaly I just answer some posts, but I'm feeling so lonely. Yesterday I had a wedding to go to, and it was SO SO SO much work to put on a happy face, because that's what I was expecting in a few years(after graduating college), I mean I'm happy for my cosin, of course, but it didn't make it any easier. Then today I was watching TV and heard this song, and though the first part of the song doesn't fit how I feel, the rest of it does:
LeAnn Rimes
"Probably wouldn't be this way"
I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days
CHORUS 1:
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day
CHORUS 2:
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Probably wouldn't be this way
A week back I thought I was moving on, thought I was strong, doing good. Then having nothing to do this weekend, but dewl, got me thinking. I feel like things arn't done! I still have no idea what happened!?! He added onto his place so I could move in with him(bedroom off a studio), I moved in, April 9th said "all he wants to do is love me" and "I want to marry you someday, I just don't know when", for the last 7+ months we've been furniture shopping, also we picked out and bought a house together, we have a dog together, and last but not least, he gave me a promise ring Feb. 14th. Our two year was March. 15th, 2005. Then June 4th we break up after 3 weeks of treating me weird (I'm guessing trying to distance himself to make the blow hurt less? In his eyes anyways), not to mention he breaks up with me saturday, and my finals week started tuesday, yea, real nice. But now I feel like I need to talk to him, to tell him how much it hurts to be in his life, and building a life together, then him all of a sudden saying he doesn't love me anymore and dosen't know why, nothing I did, I wouldn't see it coming(what does that mean anyways?), I'm so hurt, The last time he called me was June 20th to make sure I liked my new apartment. This is the most lonely I've ever felt. I just can't understand. After 2+ years of in my opinion clicking, having a blast, loving eachother, he can drop me like a peice of sh*t he stepped in, and not ever call. How can he be that over what we had together? I'm so lost. I just needed to vent, and let the "world" know how much I'm hurting. I wish their was a timeline someone could tell me for when I'll feel better. I know EVERYONE says not to call an ex. but I just feel the need to meet up with him to find out what the hell happened.
My theory: WE both worked towards getting him a line job (worked in the jail for about 1 year), then he got it, and around the same time he started acting weird, he then had his 24th b-day, realized he's buying a house, and realizing that I would expect a ring in the next 2 years, freaked himself out (without talking to me about his fears), conveinced himself he didn't love me, and wanted to be single again.
Is this theory dumb?
PS. June 3rd I found out he gave his number to another girl at a bar, then the next day....we break up....how....special. I feel like such a looser. What did I do to deserve this? What does any woman do to deserve this?
Anyways. I know this is SO SO long, but any advice would help me greatly.
Possiable questions to answer:
Should I meet up for closer (also make sure my name is in no way involved in the house since I did sign some loan papers) ?
What I should do for myself to make this seem real, becaue my mind does a good job of pretending we're still together to cope. I hate it.
How do I get myself to stop hoping he'll call?
How do I feel less pathetic about the who thing?
Who ever reads this. Thank you. Any advice would help. Good luck to all.

you aren't alone
my b/f and I broke up about a week ago
but it was definitely a done deal for me
last Thurs.
I just can't deal with him being in and out of my life
Over the course of this past year he has blown me off far too many times
two months, two weeks and then for a week
he just didn't get it
do it to me one more time and I am DONE! like toast that has been burnt
not putting myself through this again this unbearable PAIN
with him or anyone else
I deserve better, YOU deserve better
I am just trying to really keep busy, put on a happy face but I have shed many tears
but I know I am okay I will be okay
trying to think more about today than tomorrow or Yesterday
I can't change anything except my attitude
and I want a POSITIVE one
for me not him or anyone else
wish you all the BEST!
I love this song but mostly I think about my friend who was a b/f but he committed suicide and I miss him like crazy
it does get better but we all need to grieve
the good and the bad
hang in there!
Lorie aka ~nightangel~
I can understand your hurt and your pain.
I was getting married in August. But something happened, my fiance had a disagreement with my religion (after three years!) and packed his stuff and moved out. Left all the cancelling of the wedding up to me. He won't get the remainder of his stuff and won't return my calls or emails or anything.
We have known eachother for about five or more years and lived together and dated for three years. We were engaged for two of those years.
I understand your heartbreak.
First of all-don't call him. I know it's hard, but do not call him. Men don't think the way we do. (he could be nice on the phone or in person, but then blow you off next time your try to talk to him, leading you to false hopes...hurting all over again) Believe me, I know.
Second-If you must talk to him, which in this regard, you should, GET YOUR NAME OFF OF HIS HOUSE. (only talk to him regarding this important matter!)
If for any reason he cannot pay for that house or it gets foreclosed, it can fall on you.
If he files for bankruptcy, you're responsible for that house. Please, whatever you do, take your name off of anything you have jointly together. For your own sake and future.
Close these ties with him for now.
Do not set yourself for disaster. You may be hurting now, and for a little while, but when you're healing down the road, you don't want the disaster of his potential downfall coming back to haunt you.
Think of YOU right now. Calling him will only hurt you unless it's to get these important things accomplished.
I know it hurts like hell right now, believe me, I know. Sometimes things like this happen because we were not meant to be.
Just think of it how I am now-I do not want to be another divorce statistic. I'm 27 and never been married. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will have children or a husband. It's a sad thought for me that brings me great pain. I was so close.
But what if I would have married him? Would things have changed for the worse? Could I handle a break up now, or handle a divorce later?
Think of your future. Get your name off of that house immediately. If you need to talk to a lawyer, do it. Spend time with friends and family. Read books, get your mind off of him. That is the only thing getting me through this. Write your feelings...read...anything. Get your mind elsewhere.
I have seen so many people, and I mean tons of them that shared a house together and a lot of times the spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend falls behind in payments...and it hurts their significant other. You do not need that kind of downfall to hit you.
If you need to talk or vent, let it out. These boards help you. People are here for you.
noahsnugs@msn.com
Take care,
God Bless
It will get better!!! Really. I had a break up 3 weeks ago and had so many feelings, thoughts, analyzis... but a couple of things. The first week, days are really really tough. You might think you won't make it.... But, trust me. It's been almost 3 weeks, and every day is getting better and better. Just trust me on that one!!!
And don't feel ashamed for feeling bad. It's normal. So, let yourself be sad, angry, confused... It's normal. It will get better.
Also, don't try to analyze any actions. You'll never know what happened. It just will drive you more crazy! (I did exactly the same) - the result - I just suffered much more, but there was no answer!
So, look at yourself in the mirror - you are beautiful, unique. There is no one like in the whole world. Just think of yourself for a second... not of him... Say to yourself - I will make it. I am a great person. Smile in the mirror. Imagine that you is a different person. How would you treat yourself. You probably woulnd't want yourself to suffer.
Go out! You will still think about him while you are out (I had the same experience), but the time will put things into place. Just be patient... Give it some time. You will better. I promise you!
Good luck!