Progress
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| Wed, 11-14-2007 - 10:01am |
So I am making progress. He did things this past weekend that were somewhat disrespectful given that he knows EVERYTHING about me including how to push my buttons. What was more disrespectful is that he chose to make sure I found out about everything he was doing. So I realized that I really do not want him back. In the beginning, even if I knew it was over for him, I wouldn't accept that it was really over for "us". But then I realized that I was holding onto someone who didn't want ME. Even after i asked for him back and he denied me, I still didn't give up hope. His actions this weekend made it apparent that it was over, but moreover it made me realize that all this time I wasn't respecting myself.
He was out having fun and forgetting about me, while I was wallowing in self-pity and grief. That is not healthy. I am much better now that I know he really wasn't the one for me. Why would I want someone who chooses to disrespect me time and time again? I'm eating again. I'm smiling and laughing genuinely again. I know I am not completely over the whole situation. You can't get over a 5 year relationship in 2 weeks, but at least I'm making progress.
I do feel that I am having an identity crisis of some sort. He was my life for 5 years and my other half. Now I am all alone. It's quite scary. I feel emptiness and a sense of being incomplete. But I am not devastated that this relationship ended anymore. I know now that it was for the best.
So here is my question, if I do not want him back why can't I stand picturing him with someone else? Kissing her, making love to her- it pains me. We broke up due to his thirst for freedom- not due to another woman. But just imagining him being intimate with someone else is still enough to hurt me.

Hey ming_88 -
I'm so proud of you that you soon realized you are better off without him!! Kudos!
That's one step toward your freedom and recovery from this breakup.
Honestly, what he did was indeed disrespectful. After five years of being with you, he decides to make you suffer even more by knowing that he's out having fun with this guy you hate, while you're at home crying. How incredibly rude and disrespectful!
You should be SO happy that he's being a jerk cause it'll be easier for you to get over him. My ex is totally not being a jerk and it's so difficult for me to move on. If he was a jerk, it would be so much easier. Take this as a good thing.
You deserve so much more than him. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you.
I understand your identity crisis especially since you've been with this guy for 5 years. You will get through this and you will have a better sense of self. Meet up with friends you've lost touch with, find hobbies, do things you enjoy doing just for yourself. Make sure you get out there and create a social and occupying life for yourself. It won't be easy, but you have to do it. Even if it's taking baby steps, you will get there.
You are not half of a person. You will realize how amazing you are just by being you and that you don't need him at all to be happy.
And girl, don't be so hard on yourself! Of course you won't be able to stop thinking about him being with other girls and being physical and all that gross stuff! I want to vomit every time I think about my ex with some other girl. UGH GROSS BLAGG gross gross ew.
But the more you do things for yourself, the more you hang out with your girls and family, the more you try to put the focus on you, the less you'll care about him being with other girls.
He lost you! All you lost was a stupid boy that didn't give you what you needed. And didn't realize how special you are.
So he wanted his freedom? Let him have it. That sucker can indulge in all the superficiality he wants. He's leaving something real and meaningful behind. And you deserve so much more.
Good luck to you and hang in there!!
Hi Ming,
From reading your posts, I still get the feeling that you still 'care' about what your ex is doing, where he's going, who he's with, etc. While you may be making some progress by not talking with him, you need to readjust your focus away from him and back to you.
I read somewhere the other day that guys have an easier time 'walking away' from relationships because they have a lot going on in their lives - work, school, 'the boys', working out at the gym, hobbies, etc. and the relaionships they have with women are just 'a piece' of their lives whereas sometimes we let the guys become 'our world'. That's why when they leave, we feel lost and empty and emotional over everything. I have to be honest, I felt a little empty when my ex left, but then I realized that while he was in the relationship, he still maintained his interests whereas I let mine slide in order to 'work on the relationship'. So while I'm grieving and feeling miserable, he's outside snowmobiling. This just irritated me, but I forced myself to figure out the reason behind what I was feeling.
I came to the realization that
Thanks so much Lisa! You have no idea how inspiring your posts are to me. I completely agree. Sometimes I feel that I'm thinking of him too much. Frankly, it sickens me =) I guess I am feeling somewhat unsure of what to do with myself so I am reverting back to what I did for the past 5 years- which is think about him.
You are completely right. I was thinking of drawing and painting again. Something i stopped doing a few years back. Not because of him but due to school and work my artistic interests faded away. I bought some charcoal and a sketch pad. I think that's what I'll be doing when I don't have any social outings to go to.
I read your posts too and you are doing so great! Thanks for helping me throughout all this =)