Proof

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Proof
9
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:25pm

Okay...my boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for two years now. At the end of August, he came to me and stated that he needed his space and that he was wanting to see other people, but went on to say he still wanted to see me. After much back and forth about this, and my demand that he be committed to me and me only, he stated he wanted to give our relationship another shot. He has been spending a lot of time with me and truly seems to be making an effort in repairing our relationship. Oh yeah, let me say that when he first stated he needed his space, he was already talking to a few other women (one in particular quite often) and it came to my attention that his vehicle was spotted at her house late in the night.

On Halloween weekend as we were leaving for a Halloween party, a phone call came through on his cell phone. It was her. I was there. He had no choice but to answer as I saw the number when it came up. I didn't say anything until he got off (the conversation was very short and to the point, that being he was busy and didn't want to talk). When he did get off the phone with her, I stated something along the lines of...well, guess that tells me your still talking to her. He told me he hadn't been talking to her. I dropped the subject and haven't brought it up further but to tell him that he needed to discuss her calling him as he had a girlfriend.

Now, heres the situation. I stayed at his house last night and he was gone for a few hours for a meeting. While I was there, I was cleaning up some things and noticed his cellphone bill in the garbage from the month of October. I took that cell phone bill and have it in my possession now. In reviewing the bill, I see approximately 26 phone calls to/from her during the month of October. Most were from her to him, but some were from him to her. Do I confront him about this? If so, how do I say...look, I found this in your garbage...explain. Help!!!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: beccachele
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:30pm

Absolutely you should confront him with what you found! He'll probably be angry you snooped on him and I'm not saying it's right that you did so, but you had a feeling he wasn't being honest with you so you did. I personally think that's excusable IF you own up to it (if you don't, then you're being as dishonest as he is).

But now you have proof that he's a liar. Is that the type of man you really want to be with?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:56pm
Thank you Sherri...I keep on telling myself, I'll give him one more month, then, when next month gets here and he is still talking to her, I can prove to myself once and for all I was correct. It's like I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I truly want to believe that he is trying to make things right with me. A close friend of mine has confirmed that she feels that way as well. But, I can not trust him whatsoever if he is still talking to this other woman. You know, I feel bad for discovering this information, but if any other woman had the same suspicions I had, and ran across the bill as I did, I feel certain they would have done the same thing. Now it's just a choice of what to do or not to do with the information. I'm at a loss. I'm so confused. Why can't any of this be easy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 4:56pm
i'm just so curious how did you know it was her calling...you mention it was a cell phone bills....i mean correct me if i'm wrong...isnt incoming call doesnt show in your bills...only the number you call out???
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 11:32pm
To be honest, when you resort to going through your bf's garbage to find proof that he's been lying to you about another girl then it's time for you to really re-think your relationship. Is this how you want things to continue with you not trusting him and you wondering if what he is telling you is really true? I did exactly the same thing with my exbf from 4 years ago. It was just awful, because I not only went through his cell phone bill, I went through his emails, his files, his drawers, just so I can find things I didn't want to find out. It ended up that he was cheating and lying to me, the very worse part of it was, are you ready for this.... it was with a guy who was posing as a girl! He ended up having this secret life I knew nothing about. Did I confront him? yes. Did he deny it? of course. Did I believe him? hell no. From that day forward our relationship was over. Packed my bags and moved back to California. I was humiliated and devastated. That was 4 years ago and I swore to myself I would never allow a man to hurt and betray me like that again. Trust in a relationship is sooooo important, when you don't have that you have nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:52pm
For the provider he uses (which I use as well), each and every call dialed and received is itemized on the bill. I new it was her number on the bill as I had seen her number come up before on his cell phone with her name on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:57pm
Thanks for confirming my feelings on trust. That is something I have totally lost within the relationship and I question really hard whether or not I'll ever be able to gain it back. I do want to clarify that I was not "digging" through his garbage per se. The bill was in plain view. If he didn't have enough sense to dispose of it in an area it couldn't be located by someone else, how could he not expect it to be located. The trust issue though is going to be the deal breaker I'm sure. This sucks!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 1:33pm

okay i hope you will understand what i will tell you...dont assumed to fast maybe there just friend...if you wanna make sure about everything call the girl(nothing is wrong with this)..ofcourse she doesnt wanna play games also right?(unless she a big time "B") thats a problem.

as a friendly advised i dont want you to make a wrong step and later you might regret it....cuz it happen to me...i always listen to what people tells me (why his that...why his this blah blah)....ofcourse i end up being paranoid. who end up broken hearted its me not them....i hope your getting my point it happen to me several times with my recent relationship. but i never learned...now what i told my self before i'll be in a relationship AGAIN...I NEED TO DO SOME IMPROVEMENT FOR MYSELF CUZ I KNOW I'M THE PROBLEM NOT THEM. just like my recent relationship his so perfect...BUT I SEND HIM AWAY CUZ WHAT PEOPLE PUT ON MY HEAD.

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 11:55am

Ok so basically I know how you feel. I had to confront my ex (we had broken up because of long distance before I check his e-mail) with the fact that I looked in his e-mail and saw pictures of a naked girl lying on his bed. Now how do you explain that one? "Sorry hunny I went a little psyco one night and look what I found." It came down to he didn't care about me checking the e-mail but he did care about loosing me as a friend.

Now to your situation; he has already made the mistakes, it is your turn to confront him with what you know. More than likely his concern will not be on you snooping, but on trying to get his butt out of the lie. And if it is any consulation, legally once something is in the trash, it is fair game for anyone to take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: beccachele
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 4:49pm

I once had a boyfriend whom I caught in more or less the same way.

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