Put the blame on me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Put the blame on me?
1
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 9:43pm

Hello All -

I've posted before - my ex broke up with me out of the blue about a month and a half ago. Anyhoo reading all the posts here and being a part of this online community has really helped. However the past few days have been so hard and I thought I was getting better.

My ex said all these really rotten things when telling me he decided he must move on. Mind you the night before he was declaring I was the love of his life. Anyway why is it that when a man breaks up with you he puts the blame of the relationship on you? Some of the highlights was telling me how now we are in a routine and this can't be in - my ex was not full of adventure. His main passions - soccer and acting rule his life and routine. So the routine we found ourselves in was dictated by him playing/teaching soccer coming over, eating dinner and falling asleep - yes I know my part was not speaking up and letting him dictate our time. Many times over the last few months he kept asking me if he was boring, apologizing for being a boring boyfriend when we would go to events - that mind you I thought of or pushed for us to do - and he'd tell me he didn't want to be out too late.

Another thing he said that bothered him was the way we would sometimes communicate in babytalk - stressing that I was the one who would bring up issues in babytalk. HELLO - he started the whole babytalking business with me. He is the youngest and has been given everything on a platter. Over the course of our relationship he would revert to this childlike behavior (which I also noticed he does around his mother and older siblings) to get what he wanted. Yet he points that out to me as if I'm the one who initiated this behavior and act that way - when I do not at all. Near the end of our breakup I told him I wasn't going to beg him to stay with me as it seems he made up his mind - and he actually said - I Could Try! WHAT?!

Why is it that all the things he was saying to me as a reason for him to move on - were really things he does? It makes me sick that he actually thinks he was so perfect in the relationship while I was the one with the flaws - so he has to move on?

Has this happened to anyone else? I rack my brain and my friends tell me to let it go but it has really gotten to me. I have dreams of punching him in the face and telling him off! But of course I won't because we don't talk. So try as I might to forget this I just can't seem to let it go.
Sorry for rambling....

-Rachel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:37pm

Hi racheljoy99,


It's way easier for people to blame others than to take responsiblity for their actions, choices and behavior.