Putting Away the Memories
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| Sun, 03-23-2008 - 7:04pm |
Hello everyone,
I'm having an absolutely awful day. I tried putting away the mementos (I think I succeeded), and packed up his things that he wants back to be mailed tomorrow. In all the tears and upset feelings I was having during the process, I got online and checked his photo site, on which there were photos of his current vacation on the other side of the world...with another woman.
He had just emailed me the previous week (I did not respond) saying, "There's a rumour going around that I cheated on you while I was away (LDR), but I just want you to know that isn't true."
...but obviously, even if he wasn't cheating on me (I do honestly believe he did not), he'd had a new girl waiting in the wings.
And I am so. hurt.
If anyone wants to chat, or would feel okay listening to me rehash the story again tonight, I'd be most grateful. Try out this little chat room if you're available tonight (http://gabbly.com/http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking). And of course, if not, no biggie--hope you all are having a wonderful Easter celebration with your families and friends.
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll

ugh, i'm really sorry you had to see that. seeing/knowing there's someone new just stings. (my ex got with someone immediately after we broke up)
lots of people
new girl huh? i can totally relate to you on that one. it sucks! it makes you look at the entire breakup differently. one minute you're like "oh my ex left but he probably just doesn't want a relationship and wants to be single, ok fine. i'll just learn to live with it" and then you find out there's another girl and you're like "well, i guess it was just me, he doesn't mind being committed, he just doesn't want to be committed to me. looks like i'm going to have to go through the whole grieving process again".
You'll get through it, its a form a shock treatment. i think its more pain than we deserve being that we lost them. isn't that enough? apparently not. i guess we're meant to have to deal with knowing they're happy with someone else while we are here on this board hoping one day to get over them and find someone else.
you can email me too if you want cuz i feel your pain and would love to chit chat if you feel like you need someone to talk to who has had a similar experience.
"i guess we're meant to have to deal with knowing they're happy with someone else while we are here on this board hoping one day to get over them and find someone else."
Sorry I just need to jump in..but what makes you think they're REALLY happy with someone else? Because they post a bunch of pictures online? Think back to how long it took you two to develop a working loving relationship - heck of along time I'd hope. You really think a few weeks or a few months are enough to reclaim it. nope.
Case study - I had a friend whose first love left her out of the blue. One minute he was there, next minute he'd left and slept with all her best friends on the way out. Posted some raunchy stuff online too. She was a serious mess. Yet...two years later, she runs into him at some bar while she's with her boyfriend (who would go on to be her husband), and he's sorry, begging her back, realizing he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. No cigar, dude. 10 years after that, he starts stalking her on instant messenger. So the take home message - pictures..mean..nothing. Oh, and one last thing, he's working in some dead-end job in th e middle of no where right now - so the day he left her was the luckiest day of her life - only she didn't know it at the time.
It's a long and arduous road, but one day you'll look back and realize why it didn't work and b. laugh at how childish his antics are.
cheers
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
Thank you all for your kind support.
showtime,
Thanks. It's nice to know someone's feeling the same thing I am. It always feels so lonely when it's happening, but I'm definitely not the only woman to have experienced this, nor am I the last (sadly!).
greekgirl,
You definitely hit the nail on the head when you said that one minute you're dealing with the breakup okay, and then as soon as you find out he's with someone else: BAM! You're back to square one. By the same token though, I guess it's good for me to really solidify that it's over and to let go of the hopes that "if I give him enough space, he'll come back."
Susanna,
Thanks so much for the real-life "case study". I can't tell you how helpful it was reading that. Not that I hope that he's miserable, or even that he will come begging to come back one of these days--I don't--but it is definitely helpful to put things into perspective. Just because there's a photo doesn't mean it's true, or not true. But the fact is that it doesn't matter either way. Just gotta keep reminding myself of that (and staying away from the online photos!).
Thank you again, ladies--I can't tell you how many times I've thanked my lucky stars for finding this board with so many kind people. showtime & greekgirl--I'd love to chat/e-mail with both of you. It's really helpful to talk with people who are going through similar situations!
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
We can only WISH that would happen right now so we could SEE right? I, too, agree that my bf left me for some nutjob who is obsessed with him (and vice versa) and he totally cant see that he is making a HUGE mistake.
I would love for you all to email or chat with me. Drop me a line!
Liz
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
I took his things to the post office today to get them mailed. It took all that I had not to break down in tears right there at the counter, but thankfully, a friend from work accompanied me, and I actually did it. I feel a slight release now, because that was the last reason for which he would need to contact me, so I guess it's officially over now. All I have left on my end is to go through my closet and pull out the things that I bought because "he would like them" and give them to the Salvation Army.
I'm a little bit at a loss now though, because, what do you do when the "milestones" are out of the way? Now it's back to day-to-day life being single, and after 5 years together, I don't really know how to be single. :(
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
hey unicornssong. i know where your coming from on that. lol. the thing is with my ex, he does jump right into loving relationships fast. he doesn't let them grow, they're usually the best at the
"mine was very manipulative and made me think there was something wrong with me and thats why we couldn't be together. he told me i was spoiled!"
Good for you, greekgirl! My bf had done the same thing to me...they are SO similar arent they?