Question to all

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Question to all
12
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:39pm
Hey there everyone! I have a Question- Is it my business?

Me and my X broke up after an 8 year relationship 2 and 1/2 months ago. I just found out this weekend that he had sex with one of my former co-workers (she runs around the same circle of friends). We broke up on my side because he didnt want to go any further in the relationship than what we had and the same girl from work had been a little too flirty with him and he claimed nothing would happen but later after we broke up it did. He broke up with me because somehow I was beginning to do things that annoyed him such as not putting stuff back in the right places of the house, accidentaly leaving makeup on towels etc- hes very anal. He felt like I was pushing him away by doing these things. I was just under alot of stress at the time. My question to all of you is how soon after a long term relationship should someone be out there having sex (not to mention the co-worker situation because thats another problem)? Second thing is he claims it was non of my business since we had broken up so how long after the relationship ends should it be non of my business? Betrayal- I hope non of you have to ever go through it! Please respond- Thank you- stacy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: stabu2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 8:10pm
Thanks again Heidi and all who have replied to my board! I do have an update. Jeffrey(my X) just called me today- said hes been trying to get ahold of me since "my big daybue" ( the confrontation). He was crying- he told me he was wrong with what he did and he felt ashamed of himself. This will never excuse him from his actions- but it makes me feel good to finally hear an apology from him! He begged me to call him tonight atleast to try and save face. I will humor him but unfortunatly the damage in this department is done. Time to move on reguardless. He doesnt want me back and nor do I. My mother prewarned me about relationships when they hit the 8 year mark- ( shes been married for 35 years to my dad) that when you hit the "8 year mark" you actually have to start working to make it work. He and part of me was not willing to go the extra step to make it work. The fact still remains he did the unthinkable and after tonight I can finaly move on and improve myself- so I can be ready to face another relationship for the future. God help me.. not anytime soon!!!!!! We originaly broke it off in pursuit of different things to one day find out if its greener on the other side of the fence. For me it is now but for him- most possibly not. I know I was there for him through his brothers suiside- oops did I forget to mention that- and I was there "working" the relationship so he never had to. I did everything for him and maybe he can look back now and realized what was real in his life so that he never makes another mistake with anyone else. Thanks again for the good advice all! stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: stabu2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:14pm
I'm so glad to hear you're in better spirits!! It's always good when they apologizing for being fools....it doesen't happen alot witch makes it that much more special. I'm glad to see that it's not enough for you to excuse his actions and that you are ready to move on with your life. I hope this was the closure you needed!! Good luck and keep us posted!!
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