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Question of the day
| Wed, 05-03-2006 - 11:30am |
I've heard plenty of stories about men who break up and then go back anywhere from 1 or 2 months later all the way up to a year later and then make that final commitment. Cold feet?
How do you tell the difference between a case of cold feet vs incurable commitment issues??

Really? I've rarely heard stories like that...I've certainly heard of guys changing their mind and coming back but only to leave again.
One way of telling the difference, though, is to look at other areas of their lives. Do they make long-term commitments in their jobs, friendships, living situations, etc? If so, then they probably don't have commitment issues. But if they don't, then it's more likely that they do.
Sheri
Hi Sheri,
My exes best friend broke up with his wife out of the blue and then went back two months later with a ring and they've been happily married for four years and have two kids. Another friend broke up with his wife for six months before getting engaged and they've been happily married for 7 years and have two kids.
My ex has been at the same company for over 10 years, is still close with his friends from high school and college, lived in the same apt for over 10 years (finally moved about two years ago). He's even had the same car for about 10 years. So maybe he didn't have commitment issues, so then what happened? Fear of change?? Is that just as problematic?
We were really in love and had a great relationship. His friends told me they've never seen him with anyone the way he was with me. We literally went from 100 to 0 in an instant. It was so abrupt. I really thought I was getting a ring like any minute (he even asked me what i liked) and we broke up instead. It devastated and stunned me...
What happened to him??
I really appreciate your input - I've been reading this board the last few weeks and you always give such good advice.
Wow, interesting about your friends. I guess those guys just needed some "space" before committing. I would say that's much more the exception than the rule, though. The only successful "getting back together" stories I know of personally are those where the *woman* broke up with the guy, he stayed in love with her, and ultimately she changed her mind and married him (that's happened with two of my best female friends).
Anyway...it doesn't sound like your ex has commitment issues. What reason did he give when he broke things off? How long were you together? I apologize if you've posted those details before, I don't remember seeing them.
Sheri
Oh, gosh, that's hard. It could be a timing thing or it could be he doesn't think the two of you are right for each other for some reason (which of course doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that he doesn't love you).
I think all you can do is move on and put any hope you have about getting back together in a little box high up on a shelf in your emotional closet--it's still there, but it's not something you focus on, if that makes any sense. If it's meant to be, it'll work out...but if not, it's best that you move on in the meantime.
Sheri
You're so right. And I have been out enjoying life throughout all of this, giving myself myself just small little windows to be sad and ponder, I even started dating again recently. It still just perplexes me so. I don't think I'll ever really understand what happened...
Thank you so much for your input - I really appreciate it!