question for pianoguy and everyone else

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
question for pianoguy and everyone else
4
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 12:41pm
I guess I just kind of wanted to get a man's view of this as well. The man I was dating for 6 months broke things off with me over the phone almost 2 weeks. ago. I have been devasated emotionally but have been very good in the fact that I have not tried to contact him, email him, etc. Well about a week after he broke things off..he started instant messaging me at work (used to do this all the time w/ him ). Nothing major..mostly small talk..asking me questions about my weekend ,etc. He IMd me last Monday and Friday and then again this morning..he pops up..just..talking. Not saying he wants to get back..just small talk mostly. Question..is ...do you think this is an attempt on his part to be friends? Or..do you think he is just kind of stringing me along..hoping that if he gets lonely..needs a booty call..etc..that he can just call on me? Now when he does IM me..I just simply answer his questions and thats it. Have not gotten into anything about "us". These contacts he makes to me..really set me back...as far as how I feel..like maybe giving me false hope that maybe he does want something with me. I was thinking about emailing him before I went home tonight and asking him why he has been contacting me. I dont know if I am able to be friends right this moment..if that is what he is after. I may be able to at some point..but not if he is constantly "around" so to speak.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 4:30pm
Hi blossom, I'm bumping your post back to the top in hopes that a guy will reply to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 9:28pm
He's just playing with you. Men are like that. He's probably wanting to know if you are seeing anyone else. Try not answering his IM's and see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 2:36am

Hi blossom40!

Pianoguy is sorry to hear about your breakup. . But here's something to consider:

Sometimes a man can have '2nd thoughts' when it comes to a breakup. A few of us will ask ourselves: "Did we handle this properly?" "Were we fair and honest about our feelings?" Or "Did we leave the lady with the impression that ALL MEN ARE SCUMBAGS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T PROVIDE ADEQUATE CLOSURE?"

While most women---who have communicated here and on other ivillage Love & Sex boards--- would prefer some reason (aka closure) for a split...there are many men who don't feel it's necessary to provide them with a reason? WE JUST WANT O-U-T!

Then after thinking things over for a few days...an "instant message or two" is a man's way to check in and see how the former g/f is doing? Sometimes we'll resort to a snail mail card instead.

Personally...I think you're handling this VERY WELL! You aren't required to provide long explanations or even carry on a conversation with the EX! Keep your answers short and to the point!

If the man is truly interested in 'reuniting with you'---let him prove it with more than just a text message!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 5:28am
Thanks so much for your input, I really appreciate it. And thanks for saying Ive been handling things well because this has been such a tough time and I feel like a mess. I never did email him..work was too busy yesterday and I was busy w/ my kids when I got home. I am going for my first counseling appointment today and will get her opinion as well. Like many people on this board..I woke up at 3am..that seems to be the witching hour, so to speak. Since the breakup I wake up at 3am every single day..no matter what time I go to bed..and I wake up thinking about "him". Its the worst feeling. And then to go to work and get an IM from him....its just crazy. I just answer what he asks and pretend I am getting along okay. I dont know what I would do if I had not found this board..so thanks everybody!