Question? smeone please help
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| Mon, 11-13-2006 - 6:53pm |
Ok I have posted here before and really didnt get much replies so im hoping that this time i get some help :)
So i broke up with Mr. Man A month and a week ago and no contact for over three weeks (I told him not to reach out to me anymore and whatever I have left at his apartment he can throw out for I have thrown everything out that he left at my place...His response NO PROBLEM..OUCH) ok so on Saturday one of my male friends texts me that he sent him a message on Myspace (he doesnt even talk to my friend at all even when we were together he wasnt like his friend and called him or anything)and they were chatting back and forth then my friend logs off of my space and gets on IM and my ex hits him up there also so my friend chats with him not to be rude...
my ex asks my friend what he was upto that night and my friend says nothing just hanging home and my friend asks my ex and he says about to jump in the shower to get ready to hang with my boys ok my friend says have fun yada yada yada...
My ex gets back on half an hour later and tells me myfriend ahhh decided to stay in and make it a blockbuster night alone...now my friend is wondering why is he telling me this duhhh lol...also my friend asked him how has he been and my ex responds ugh ive had better days today im not feeling to hot...
Well stupid me i go on Myspace and check out his page, now he has a blog on there that says growing up i click on it and on it it says heres to growing up, growing ballz and walking away...matters of the heart by India Arie (See on my Myspace page i say im my own hero for finally growin balzzz and walking away from the love of my life) so he pretty much was on my page....I looked up the lyrics to that song and I cried like a baby...
Now here where im confused did he do all of this so he can try little by little to get in contact with me? WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?can someone please analyze this better than I can...HEELLLPPPP

He is a grown 32 going on 33 in Dec father of 2 young men...Ill give you the scoop on us we have been going together for 2 years we lived together for a year and we have broke up a gazillion times and at first we would break up for days and get back then as time passed it escaladed to weeks then recently weve been breaking up for like a month at a time then for a month were ok then the next were broken up, bottom line is that he has done this before but now he is reaching out to my friend cause i told him to please leave me alone dont reach out to me through email, text, nothing.....I love this man to death i would have done anything for him and i did and he took that for granted and for that i need to let him go i know this but how am i going to do that i have no idea..please any suggestions would be appreciated...and if you have any questions please dont hesitate to ask
::Now here where im confused did he do all of this so he can try little by little to get in contact with me? WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?
It doesn't mean anything. Your friend didn't do you a favor by talking to him. Your friend didn't do you a favor by telling you about the conversation. AND you didn't do yourself a favor by going to his myspace.
What people post on myspace when they are in pain/grief is raw emotion. It's like reading a private journal entry. The thing is, wait two days, two weeks, or whatever and those feelings are no longer valid. But in the moment, they were important.
You are going to have to take care of you, do what's right for your healing (that means staying away from reading anything he writes and telling your friends that you don't want to hear it when they talk about him). It's about setting boundaries for you, to help you, to get you through this.
Carrie
Closure is something you give yourself. That's been repeated on these boards for a long time by a very wise woman. Write him an UNSENT letter. Vent away. Say everything you want, then burn it. Do it daily if need be until you feel a sense of peace about where you are, where you are headed and what you are doing.
If you try to talk to him, no matter what you say, he will either disbeleive you, dimiss you and your feelings or will turn around and dump on you, blame you etc. Once you tell someone how you feel about them, the situation, etc. you have now given them permisson to do the same thing to you. Do you really want to hear anything from him?
Healing takes time, but you will get through it.
Carrie
I agree with what the others have said and the unsent letter really works and helps you deal with stuff. Make sure you write everything down, good and bad, everything you would tell him if he were there. You may not be able to focus on the bad stuff right away, but eventually you should try to do that, for your own good. Eventually, you will WANT to do that, even. Try to write a list of every little thing he ever did that hurt you, even if you think he didn't mean to do it, of every annoying habit. If you want to, add "I hate you because/for..." to every item on the list. Even if you don't feel "hate", even if it's a stupid sentence like "I hate you for leaving your socks on the floor". It has more impact, at least it did to me. When I wrote such a list the other day, I found it created some sort of a distance from him in my mind, and to me that's what I need to get through. Try to find at least 10 of these, that should be possible, right? You may need some more time before you feel like doing this, there's no need to rush anything.
Siren