Random Mini-break Downs
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Random Mini-break Downs
| Mon, 05-21-2007 - 4:36pm |
I had one today. I alwasy think i am over him then I get one of these mini-break downs, it does not last long, but I get a fit of lonliness and cary. it is ridiculous I have my kids, my friends, co-workers, students, and I ma dating a great guy now, but why do I sometimes get his overwhealming feeling of wanting to talk to him? I don't so I blubber and then get it out and I'm okay. I wish I knew what triggered this....

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hi knkoneday
There are so many things that can trigger the sense of loss. Places you went together, times of the day you use to chat, music (a biggy)...memories are all around you, and you just can't avoid some. Unfortunately, you never know and can find yourself blubbering at the most inconvenient times. Just last week, I was getting my hairwashed at the hairdressers, and the tears started flowing like a faucet had been turned on...go figure.
Blubbering is good...cathartic, and as you can see, you feel better after each blubber. I don't mean to make light. I know you are in a lot of pain. Just do you best to surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Give yourself some time; and with each passing day, you'll begin to feel better.
supportive {{hug}}
withclarity
I have had the same issues. Out of nowhere it seems! Today in a meeting
it was all I could do to keep myself together. And I am not a weepy woman!
I very nearly asked if I could leave so I could just get it out and get it
over with. I know that it will pass, but I really don't like it. I'm
usually so together.
Makes me feel better to know that it isn't just me!
*sigh*
im going throught the EXACT same thing, at this very moment
its absoutly killing me.
im lost.
=[
I don't know my Hus is living with my BF only 2 blocks away. It seems better when I "talk it to death". I know my firends, co-workers, etc are tiring of hearing the same thing over & over from me. It is like an obession with me (you?) like I can'tthink or have a conversation about any other subject in the world. Like their is nothing else in the world but him & us, etc. You hang in there.
The best advice I got was to go to myMD. I got the 1st 7 hrs sleep of my whole week!! My mind is clearer & I have ahad a n anxiety or panic period yet this AM.
I have to follow-up on counseling today. Ins snafu yesterday. Post again--I too am having random mini-breakdowns--thje problems is I never know when they are coming on & when they are going to happen--I have towork--he left his job too!!
I have to share this. It took me a while to figure out why. I found that I could and would *almost* lose it alot in the supermarket. I finally did figure it out when I found myself getting weepy in front of the frozen food section. There's music in the supermarket and even though I wasn't really listening or hearing it, it was getting through.
Just sharing :)
oh judgesmom2003- i'm doing the exact thing you are, only now instead of talking about it to everyone, i just talk about it to a few close friends. they undestand that's just how i am, i rehash it verbally to help myself get over it. journalling does help sometimes, but verbalizing it seems to help me the most. i'm trying to talk about other stuff, but i keep going back to the breakup.
but i do have mini-breakdowns, out of nowhere, something will trigger my emotions because i saw something or was close to something we used to do together or it brings up a memory that we had.
i'm trying to get over it, i accept that it happened, but sometimes the emotions just hit me.
I have many periods of quiet desperation. No one actually knows how anxious, scared, hurt, mad & confused I truly am right now. I have few times when I can actually think of another subject or enjoy a show, but my mind wanders & seems to obsess on my situation.
I am thinking of ways to "get them back" or to make thme hurt & be as unhappy as I am right now. I have times when I wonder if I truly will be able to breathe. I know, I know, anxiety. I went to my MD today & got some very mild meds. I can't take them when I am working though. I do try to interact with my co-workers, but I can't really concentration or really even pretend that I care or am interested in what they are discussing.
I am so tired of ME even hearing me talk about all this mess!!! I can hardly stand to be with myself, if that makes any sense. I just feel so alone & lonely. I just want to share the stuff I see on the news or my thoughts on stuff, etc. I guess that is what I miss the most
We really WERE having communication problems just before & I had often thought about how it would be go "great" not to have to struggle to engage in conversation. He had gotten to where we NEVER went anywhere or did anything fun or socialable at ALL!! I was just mad at him for constantly disrespecting & treating me like is had great disdain for me. When he would ask for sex, I just could not bring myself to respond because he never paid any attention to me OUTSIDE the bedroom & then wouldn't pay any attention to me after sex either. I truly had gotten the feeling of being a prostitute.
I hear from all my friends that I am now "free as a bird" & can do "whatever you want to without having to ask or worry about what he may think". I guess that is true, but I just miss my compainionship so much. I had suggested counseling many, many times in an attempt to make things better. Will I ever forgive myslef for not throwing a fit & insisting on it?? COuld I have prevented this?? What did I do to cause this?? WHy won't he accept responsibility for causing all this pain??
Thank you for your postings. Love to h ear from you soon
I'm right there with you, 100%. There are days when even though I go through the motions of trying to NOT talk about the situation that somehow I slip and I let one sentence out and it is awkward for me. I go through the motions of taking care of my appearance and going to work (mind you, they also work with me) but some days the motions feel very empty. I try not to dwell on it, but there are days when that's all I do do, because I am scared about my own future and I am hurting.
My friends say the same things, "You're better off without him," "He betrayed you," and "You have to let go, you have so many great things ahead of you." I still have nights where I don't sleep through the entire evening- I'll wake up around 4am or so and can't go back to sleep because I do miss the companionship and the cuddling. I realize that there was a lot I needed to have him do, mainly grow up and be an adult, that didn't make the relationship perfect, but I accepted his faults. I don't think he could have accepted mine, if he left the way he did.
I ask myself if I could have prevented this, but I know the answer to that is no. She would not have been able to ensnare him if he wasn't looking or interested in her. Your ex- may not accept responsibility because he may really not think he is in the wrong. Or he can't/won't recognize it. The flipside is, maybe he does feel guilty but won't break down and tell you. Either way, what would it do for you to know that? It may comfort you in the moment, but it won't change the situations that we are both in.
I knew something was wrong deep down in my gut, but I tried to communicate by asking "what's wrong, please tell me" all the time. So by him not telling me and telling me that he's okay, he was just lying to me even more and further perpetuating his emotional affair with his coworker. If they were really "just" friends, he wouldn't have hid his relationship from me.
I ask "Why?" a lot, because I wonder if I was the cause of the split, but I realize I did the right thing, just like you did. I knew the relationship was stagnating, but I asked to go to counseling and wanted to try and work everything out. It's tough because he refused. He didn't want to even try and a relationship takes 2, not 1. We weren't even having sex frequently, only once a month for the last few months, and it was mediocre because he was devoting all of his time to her. The kisses and the cuddling, it was different. It felt forced and unnatural now that I reflect on it. It wasn't real and didn't mean anything to him. That's what hurts the most, that he went through the motions of a lot of things in our relationship but they really didn't mean a thing to him. The "I love yous" weren't really heartfelt.
Thanks for writing back. It helps to know other have the same issues.
Hey are you living my life too??? Yes, he WAS very distant & disrespectful at times in the past few months. He HAS admitted to an "emotional affair" long beofre it became sexual. I too often-on daily basis sometimes-"what's worng 7 suggested counseling or a vacatin or just a date for "just the 2 of us" multiple times. Our sex life was sparse & he was moving to a only sex act with it becoming more & more less personal & "dirty" & less & less intimate & cairng. he would often blame me for the unsatisfying conclusion to our love making. Never his fault. I begged him to look at it & attempt to please me as well. He was very selfish in the bedroom & demanding. I became more turned of by his impersonal sex acts & demands for more & more oral sex only on his part & nothing to satisfy ME!!
I offered to go to counseling SO MANY times. He now says "i didn't try hard enough". What a cop out
I wish my "friends" wouldn't tell me how much better off I am. I feel absolutely horrible & lonely!!! It's like telling a woman who's just had a miscarriage that it was "for the best" or the "baby was probably deformed anyway & God just got rid of it for you". Yeah I've had |THAT experience too!!
I just have times of quiet panic & anxiety. I miss him so much & miss the dream of growing old together. It's a huge heartache, even though he treated me like crap for the most part in the past several months anyway.
I don't have the answers. I just want to quit thinking aobut it & him for just a little while,. I need a pill, potion, drink, escape of some sort. I can barely stand to be around myself anymore. I am waiting on my Ins co to fight about which counselor & where they will pay for me to go to. I wonder if they really realize that this is a matter of my sanity while they are "doing a job". I am a health care professional ,my self so I do understand but I feel like I'm in the |ER & they have been making me wait for over a week to be seen. Iwouldn't have come to the ER unless it WAS an emergency. I am not one to go to counseling often or anything!!
If we were in the same city I'd say we should get a few drinks, a few martinis perhaps? : )
Apparently, we ARE living each others lives! My ex- is extrememly selfish and wanted me to hold his hand to get things accomplished. In the bedroom and in life. I guess the relationship stopped being about maintaining equality or having compromises to just being straight out HIM HIM HIM. I felt like I was working so hard to keep us together that I was getting nothing in return. It made me feel unwanted and somehow whatever spark we used to have, it disappeared and he didn't want to try and regain it. What irks me is how lazy the world has gotten, it's easier for a majority of the people out there to just give up and start over instead of staying and trying to at least work it through... can you believe the divorce rate? In spite of it, I'm willing to take the risk and try, and I know there's a love out there for each of us, once we get these bad guys out of our systems and focus on us! There someone out there that will love and care for you just the way that you need. Me too.
I have days where things are going well, but then there are those days where I can't get him off my mind- what is he doing, thinking, feeling... why doesn't he miss me... why did he decide that leaving was better for him...
That's the stuff that I sit there and realize I need to think positive and empower myself to move forward and keep going. Feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help me do anything. It's not going to change my situation. I wish there was a pill I could take and be okay the next day, but there isn't. I avoid going to areas where I know they might hang out. Beyond our mutual friends, who he doesn't really see anymore, he's got a whole new group of friends from work. He's just started over completely.
I wasn't pressuring him to get married because I knew that if we did, I wanted to marry him, not just get married. If I did, there's plently of weirdoes out there. Iwanted to grow old with him and be one of the lil cute couples that still loved each other after 40 years of marriage. I think it was meant to be. He's meant to be happy with his coworker. He's meant to find this happiness because that way, I'll find mine too. When I'm ready of course.
I've thought about going to counselling, but I'm not ready to unless I'm really really at my last hope. I think that I can do this with the help of people like you and others here on the board.
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