Random Mini-break Downs
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Random Mini-break Downs
| Mon, 05-21-2007 - 4:36pm |
I had one today. I alwasy think i am over him then I get one of these mini-break downs, it does not last long, but I get a fit of lonliness and cary. it is ridiculous I have my kids, my friends, co-workers, students, and I ma dating a great guy now, but why do I sometimes get his overwhealming feeling of wanting to talk to him? I don't so I blubber and then get it out and I'm okay. I wish I knew what triggered this....

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Hi again ccheckers!! I really do look forward to coming back to my computer to see if you've posted. I do like our relationship--I know it's not like a face to face one but it's very important to me. I know God puts special angels in our lives to guide & help us along in our journeys. I have never been on a chat or posting room/page before in my life. This is the only one anyway. So i know we were met to be here for each other
Yes, I am going to try the conseling thing until theypiss me off with all their psychobabble BS. iam way too familiar with all their "techniques" & treatment plans as I have writen several of them in y line of work as well. You can be too caught up in the paperwork/boo learning crap to actually do the job of counseling someone. We all need some guidance at times.
These life coaches on TV i see are what therapist were supposed tobe doingin the beginning. Leading &at least offereing some guidance & answers--anyone can sit there & say "well, what do YOU think?" to each & ever point you bring up!! "Well if I knew whatI thought butt hole why would I be coming to you & paying you too much moneytosay stupid open ended statement as leaten into your head by some ego driven prof at an over expensive school?" I get more homesty & better guidance from my GF over a few drinks to tell you the truth & they don't charge me $150/hr!!!!
So, On one hand counseling is ok but on the other, it's crap if you ge the wrong one. You never know what you got until you get into the sessions. My patience meter at this point is too short for very much BS.
I am stronger today. Was feeling weaker before I went to bed (I work nites) so I believe for me anyway--I need to get more & better rest/sleep. I got 2 cards from GF in the mail today. I think people unestimate the power of the written word & paper in the snail mail. I loved it!! I am going to remember that when I know of someone who is going thru a hard time--send a short card of encouragement.
Well, as a small triumph today---I have not called or spoken with my H today. I will not call or make up a reason to contact hmether. I getting ready towalk out the door togo work. Hopefully I will read another comment from you later & then I will be on y way to my1st day of total undependence?? I am really trying her , but is so difficulty tobreak a routine.
Tahnks for being there checkers. Looking forward to seeing your comments today.
hi judgesmom! i'm glad that posting to each other makes you feel much better! i've never really posted on boards before coming here either. i've chatted online with friends of course, but again, you know the person in reality, so this is rather new as well.
maybe the counselor is not the right one for you? have you thought of switching to find one whose style fits you? the point of a counselor is to help you identify what you need and if you are on the right track, not to question everything you say or do. what type of work do you do? i deal with numbers most of the time, i play with shrink numbers, but i'm hoping to do more with finance later on this year.
i think the most important thing about life coaches and self-help is that you need to remember to adopt what techniques and "life lessons" that will work for you as long as you believe in them.
i'm glad to hear you feel better. knowing that your girlfriends are still around for you is incredibly important, since we both know we're feeling the loss of an important companion. i like that they sent you something that you can cherish!
good for you! keep it up! no contact is really the best thing! i've had to start over a few times, so i'm on week 2, but every day you don't contact him is more healing time for you!!! my ex- emailed me again, asking for closure and forgiveness, and i just deleted it. it's not worth the answer or the stress of dwelling on him. he's happy with the new gf so he wouldn't try and salvage our "tired old" relationship. i can truly say that i loved him with everything i had. i made it a point to go out of my way for him, so i know, that whatever he is out there seeking may not be as good, but as long as it is not me, he will be happy.
well, have a good night at work!!! every time you think about him, think of how this is your chance to try and reinvent yourself and make yourself even better, even hotter and sexier for the next relationship. i always think that happy people have stable happy relationships. you get whatever energy that you exude. try something new to break the routine, maybe drive a different way or something?
i'm here for you, anytime judgesmom! : )
I am getting better but I still "catch" myself thinking "i wonder what he's doing now" or
I "wonder if he ever thinks about me or misses me?" Not obsessive like earlier in the week, but still too much. I am beginning to dread this holiday weekend coming up./ I will have alot of time on my hands & really nothing to do. It's really hard when you're used to doing everything together.
I really resented doing everything together when we were together. Like I had no time to myself, but now I find myslef missing his companionship. I really think I am romantisizing the last few monts when we couldn't be toegether & not feel strained. I felt like he really didn't want to be wiht me & we ALWAYS did only what HE wanted to do---which was usually related to his work (the church). We really had gotten to a place where we had no social life to ourselves.
I got better sleep today & I think that helps. Hopefully I can sleep again today as well. I am really still in the limbo stage. See he really hasn't "made up his mind" or so he says. He is staying over with the OW & not me. I have been thinking
why do I have to wait for HIM to make up his mind about US?" Shouldn't I make up MY mind about us?? I mean I am the one who was betrayed. He has gotten me into the mind set that HE has all the power & we both will go which ever way HE decides WE will go. How do I take back my power in this relationship?? If he does comes back--I want more of a voice & decisions making power. He is kind of the old fashioned "I am the man & head of houselhold & we will do what I say so"/
I am "seeing" how opressed I truly was in our marriage. I guess that is a good thing. IT's a shame that it didn't start outlike that in the beginning. I just loved it because I told everyone I could be just who I truly was & didn't have to pretend or whatever. Then t seems like that is exactly how it ended up.
Hope you are doing better. Two weeks, wow!! I will be just more set when we decide how or what we are going to do. He has never stopped loving me & tells me every time he sees me. He refuses to tell me what if any promises or plans he has made with his OW. I feel like I am in limbo. I need to know hich direction I am going in.
I have to get back to work Let's hang in there together.
I know how you feel- with the long weekend coming up, I'm sort of trying to keep myself busy. I've got plans with my girlfriends, but nothing set in stone yet. I'm definitely going to try and get outside and enjoy the weather though.
See I feel quite the opposite, I know I tried to get us out of our stagnant rut- I tried to get us out with other couples or even try and have a mini-weekend away or vacation and he just flat out refused. He just gave up and didn't want to work on the problems. A relationship is a 2 way street. He just wasn't into me anymore and sought his need for affection elsewhere but didn't tell me. That's what hurts the most, that he couldn't be honest with me and had to betray my trust. It makes me very hesitant to trust others.
You don't have to wait for him to make a decisions. You keep moving on- you focus on you and don't call him. Don't contact him in any way. It shows him that his actions aren't accepted by you. You don't tolerate how he treated you and you don't accept his crap. You have to decided for yourself if he comes to you and says, "hey judgesmom i want you back." then you have to ask him if he knows what the issues are and if he is willing to work on them. Then you set goals. You take the power back by working on you. Not him. He's not the center of your world. You are.
You're very lucky that he still does love you, but if he really loved you, why the OW? In my case, I know it's because he didn't love me anymore. I loved him, but it was not reciprocated. What is the point of running away from his issues in the marriage? You feel like you are in limbo because you are. You haven't really decided what you want- him back or if you are going to heal and see if Mr. Right is out there. When you do, you'll move ahead full force, but don't forget to let yourself feel all the emotions you have in the process.
I have days when everything is okay and I have a positive outlook and there are days when I mope. You'll get there. It just takes time. Time really is the ultimate healer.
Hope you have a good rest.
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