Rational - Move On; Emotional - Stuck

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Rational - Move On; Emotional - Stuck
1
Tue, 03-26-2013 - 12:28pm

Good Afternoon,

My ex and I have been apart for 7 months now. We were in a relationship for 13 years prior to the break up and we have a 6 year old daughter together.  After 1 year of the relationship, we became engaged; but I was not comfortable with marrying him since I found out a few mistruths during the relationship. Even though, I figured the lies did not warrant an end to the relationship plus I grew to love him dearly. In the 13 years I continued to discover lies and he was unfaithful quite a few times; but I forgave and stayed...thinking things would eventually change.

It appears I came to my senses 7 months ago and ended things with him. After the last instance of cheating, I told him if it happened again, he's out. Well it happened again (which he denied and the woman denied but the text messages between the two said something totally different). Initially he refused to leave my home. Our families got involved and he eventually left. He was so very bitter with me and said I did him wrong and handled the situation wrong.

Throughout the first few months, we could not have a calm rational conversation..we argued all the time. I found out that he started dating someone 1 week after he left my home.. of course he denies dating anyone but the woman contacted me and said she is the "side b*$ch". He claims he doesn't know  the woman like that and she is just a casual acquaintance and she has no reason to do such a thing.

Last week, my ex sent me a text stating that he loves me and our daughter and apologized for the things he'd done. And just yesterday, that same woman contacted me asking me if my ex told me that he is now single. I asked her not to contact me anymore. When I asked my ex about her comment, he said he didn't want to talk about that woman because he barely knows her like that and he hung up in my face. (I forgot to mention that he is 43 years old and the woman is 25)

I always thought if he'd just be honest with me, I could move on with my life and find closure. I have not dated anyone since our break up and feel as though he may change and we may eventually get back together. I know this is a crazy thought. I want to move on and find someone who can make me happy but I feel like I am stuck!

Please provide any advice.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Tue, 03-26-2013 - 11:18pm

misslissa1072 wrote:
<p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">Good Afternoon,</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">My ex and I have been apart for 7 months now. We were in a relationship for 13 years prior to the break up and we have a 6 year old daughter together.  After 1 year of the relationship, we became engaged; but I was not comfortable with marrying him since I found out a few mistruths during the relationship. Even though, I figured the lies did not warrant an end to the relationship plus I grew to love him dearly. In the 13 years I continued to discover lies and he was unfaithful quite a few times; but I forgave and stayed...thinking things would eventually change.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">It appears I came to my senses 7 months ago and ended things with him. After the last instance of cheating, I told him if it happened again, he's out. Well it happened again (which he denied and the woman denied but the text messages between the two said something totally different). Initially he refused to leave my home. Our families got involved and he eventually left. He was so very bitter with me and said I did him wrong and handled the situation wrong.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">Throughout the first few months, we could not have a calm rational conversation..we argued all the time. I found out that he started dating someone 1 week after he left my home.. of course he denies dating anyone but the woman contacted me and said she is the "side b*$ch". He claims he doesn't know  the woman like that and she is just a casual acquaintance and she has no reason to do such a thing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">Last week, my ex sent me a text stating that he loves me and our daughter and apologized for the things he'd done. And j</span><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">ust yesterday, that same woman contacted me asking me if my ex told me that he is now single. I asked her not to contact me anymore. When I asked my ex about her comment, he said he didn't want to talk about that woman because he barely knows her like that and he hung up in my face. (I forgot to mention that he is 43 years old and the woman is 25)</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">I always thought if he'd just be honest with me, I could move on with my life and find closure. I have not dated anyone since our break up and feel as though he may change and we may eventually get back together. I know this is a crazy thought. I want to move on and find someone who can make me happy but I feel like I am stuck!</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva">Please provide any advice.</span></p>

He won't change. 

A doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways.  That's in the bible. Remember it.

He lies like drawing breath--naturally.  Is that what you want around yourself and your daughter?

If you had a private investigator video tape him in broad daylight with another woman he would swear that it wasn't him in the video.  No... leave him be and get on with your life, unless you like finding out about "side-b's" (and any woman who would call herself that--cheeses of Nazareth!).