To read or not to read...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
To read or not to read...
17
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:18pm

Hi Everyone,

I broke up with my gf about six weeks ago and I've been on NC for about a month. She broke up with me in a strange and disrespectful process (I can go into that at another time). I am on NC only to get over her, not because of the screwed up breakup or anything thing she did. I'm also using NC to try to get through this with some sort of dignity. It's been tough but things seem to be looking up as I have started to get involved in new activities in my area. The issue though is that she has sent me an email with the subject "I'm sorry". I found it yesterday...(Let me mention that she does have a new boyfriend and I have no idea when they met or any details and it's actually none of my business). I really need some feedback, I don't know if I should read this email while being on a NC. One part of me is curious as to what she is sorry for...another part says "who cares" she has a bf what does she want from me. I would appreciate any wisdom that the members have on this.

Thank you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:13am

Hi again,

I think writing her an email like that would be a bad idea. It will only open the door to more dialogue.

Leave it. Move on. You've done well so far. Put yourself in her shoes....what would you think? Either...."whew, he still wants me..." or..."whoa...Mr. Angry...get over yourself"

it's kind of no win. I've had the same thoughts....but i've kept a ZEN attitude of doing nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:33am
I sent out the email already...I guess I'm "MR. ANGRY" I understand what you mean by a "ZEN" attitude, I've seen that on other posts but totally forgot about the concept...Oh well, it's been sent....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:05pm

Hi!

You're only human, it's hard. I really want to do the same. But I know my motivation for sending a "don't email me anymore" type email....is in the hope she WILL email me.

So I'm still drifting between "denial" and "acceptance". I know it's over...a tiny part of me wishes it wasn't. But I know I have to move on.

NO CONTACT is best. If my ex wanted to be with me...she would be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 9:07am

I appreciate all the suggestions and wisdom I've received recently.

I read the email she sent me...She thinks I am doing the NC thing because I can't handle not being with her and dating again. She doesn't understand it's about me trying to get over her. It's hard to trust her now and I see the letter as a manipulation of some kind. She pretty cunning and she might have some sort of agenda and underlying reasons why she wrote the email. She wants to be friends and that would be hard. I've done that in the past and followed her around while she got boyfriend after boyfriend, sort of just waiting around for the crumbs. She lives right next me and tells me she can't handle the pain of not talking to me and will move if I don't talk to her soon. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 10:21am

Now you know what she's truly made of. It doesn't necessarily make it easier, but my feeling is that at least you don't have to be sad over someone she's not, make sense?

Keep moving on, and now block her email.

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 12:17pm

::She thinks I am doing the NC thing because I can't handle not being with her and dating again.


They always think it's about them, don't they?


I agree, block her email.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 1:12pm
It seems like I really don't know who she is anymore...I did try to be her friend immediately after the break up but it was like entering the Twilight Zone... I felt there was something seriously missing and it was too weird... it wasn't even close to being the same. She may say she's in pain now but being friends with her would soon become a novelty (to her) and I would probably only hear from her when she needed something. She never ceises(sp) to amaze me, freak me out, and/or dumbfound me. I've known her for 7 years and it's going to be a sad thing to not have her in my life any more.

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