ready to call him... really weak

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
ready to call him... really weak
9
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 9:51pm
Not sure if any of you saw my last posts but I am just so sick of my friends, they all are leaving me alone, all seem to be having dates on their way to boyfriendhood. I feel completely alone, lonely and I am soooo close to picking up the phone and calling him. I have no idea what good it will do. Even considering a txt msg. or an email. Anything, I just want him back right now, I do not want to spend this summer alone, by myself. This is no fun. I don't know what to do. I do not meet guys I like that often, what if I wake up in 4 years at 44 and still have not met anyone? I am scared to death. I miss him, I miss what could be right now if this was better. I wish he would call me. He has texted me here and there only when we are in our summer haven, but it is late at night and he is not really making any effort to see me. Maybe he is waiting for me. I did end it, I flew off the handle and sent the pissed off email to him. We never talked after that. Maybe I need to call him. I don't know, so confused. If he cared he would call me right? He would do anything to win me back right? I wish so badly right now, to have him back, because my friends are horrible and don't even care. At least I would be able to have someone to so something with. Help. PMSing, is not helping either, I am super sad, and upset these days. I just want to send him an email so badly each day as I sit at my desk saying. I miss you so much. What is wrong with me...
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:15am

Don't do it. Don't contact him. I hope you haven't done it yet. Going back to him isn't a good solution for your friend problem. I have felt like all my friends let me down this week too. No one's calling me, and I'm not getting any support. But you know what? If you have lousy friends, the solution is get better friends! The solution to my friends are lousy is NOT let me get back to the ex who isn't going to treat me well ...

So just hold on ... things will get better ... there is a light at the end of the summer ... who needs the Hamptons anyway? It's filled with snobs ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 6:47am
I did not call him yet and my friends have avoided the phone too. They are all off for the weekend. Not a word to me to ask what I am doing? Knowing very well my choices. It is pretty awful considering what a great weather weekend we are going to have. I do know one thing I don't want to talk to them next week, won't be taking their calls. Done. I need plan b, just have no idea what that is right now, how do you go out and find all new friends? I want to be at the beach I love it so much. Sitting home is not making things better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 10:11am

Ok, why would you expect him to call you if you're the one who broke up with him.

You also have to remember the reasons why you broke up with him, has he changed, have you? Don't just want him back because you're lonely, want him back because you truly love him and want to have a relationship with him.

My ex also was the one who broke up with me and I took 4 weeks before I called him because I needed that time to heal and figure out what I wanted. I will not try and get him back though. We have been talking, but its up to him, he broke it off with me, I am not going to grovel and beg for him back. Your ex probably hasn't called you, because you dumped him, why would he want to torture himself by talking to you and realizing that you still don't want him.

Think about if you truly want him back and love him, or if you just want him back because you are lonely and want anyone.

Amber

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 2:17pm
Why don't you take a trip out to Jones Beach or Robert Moses State Park for the day? You might meet some nice people and you would get to be at the beach.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 11:50pm

Too late I texted him tonight. I go to Newport actually. Asked if he was there, no response. :( Just got home was out to dinner with a few friends but started feeling really sad, and missing him. Oh well. I need to really figure out the rest of my summer because it looks like it does not include my friends, Newport or him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 6:52am

okay...so u ended it but u want him back am i right so far?...i was damped and yeh i called my ex but i wish i hadn't ijust came of as parthetic...so maybe that what you man is trying to avoid...

i think you need to think carefully and make sure you actual want him as opposed to someone just to fill the voild of beging alone.

i dunno if that helps any?

also maybe you should see a tharapist i do they bet friends as they actall know what they are talking about....i did that and started reading self help books kinda takes your mind of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 3:32pm

Sitting at home never makes things better. No more texting to ex-bf, he's not acting like he's worth it or appreciates it anyway. Each time you do it, it puts you further back and him further forward. Worry about you, not him or your "friends."

You love the beach, so find a new beach, you want to meet people, so go and do stuff. Seriously, these people are not the only people on the face of the earth. They're not treating you as friends would anyway, so pinning your friendship hopes on them isn't helping you. You live in NY, right? There must be a million reasons why people say "I heart NY." Go find out what they are, woman! Make a list of things you haven't done in yoru city, and GO DO THEM!!! Enough with thinking the only way you'll ever have fun is with these folks, that's just givig them waaaay too much credit and doesn't give you ANY credit at all. Time to make your life look like what you want it to look like. As far as making new friends, usually that comes from sharing a similar interest, a similar experience, and ten smiling and saying hello, how are you enjoying (whatever). Yes, it is just that simple.

Best,

Sandra

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 4:58pm
I wish I lived in NYC, I have been trying to move there, working on it actually. I live north of NYC in surburbia hell. You are right. I have made some pretty hard decisions this weekend. Like I said I am done, done with him and done with them. I can be very stubborn, a trait I inherited from my grandmother, when I put my mind to it. So I know I can do this. Just think I am fed up to my eye balls. I will answer my phone, be cordial, as soon as I hear any comments about their weekend or plans for summer haven, I will just find a reason to get off the phone. I just don't care anymore. Done with being this doormat. You have no idea how badly I want to just completely go off on all of them. But I am the one who always takes the high road, and I refuse to let this be the exception. I just need to accept it. That is the hard part and figure out what I need to do this summer, how to spend my time. There are beaches here, if I go alone and read a book, oh well, that is what I do. Who knows maybe NYC will come through with an offer and I will leave this popsicle stand and just move on entirely. God only knows at this point because I just truly give up. Betrayal and being left out is just more than I can swallow. It just hurts too much, first him then my friends. How hard would it have been to just tell me the truth, we don't want you to come this weekend. I would have had more respect for them, then for the hints, I am not stupid, believe me I got them LOUD and CLEAR, and it sucked. Well, what goes around comes around my uncle always told me, becareful how you treat people. Thanks for the advice. I definitely need plan B!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 10:00am
I know how you feel. None of my friends talk to me anymore because they got sick of seeing me with someone who was not good for me and listening to me complain. After they stopped calling me I just concentrated even more on him and his friends. BIG MISTAKE. It became apparent that he would do anything for his friends but not for me. My friends are settled down, homemakers, don't go out. I really have nothing in common with them anymore. I'm trying to focus on my job and family but it is really hard not having someone to snuggle with. I really did (& still do) love him but he is a really toxic person. He grew up with an alcoholic dad who was violent. His mother had boyfriends that would smack him around too. He has a horrible temper and drinks a lot. I began drinking every night and smoking. I let him drag me down bad. I always go for the ones I feel like I have to save. I think I'm going to join a gym so I can work on getting in shape and meet people.