READY or Not to make the CALL?
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| Mon, 05-16-2005 - 6:04pm |
I’m not sure if I should call my ex-boyfriend.
A few months prior our break up we were having a lot of problems which caused me depression and Anxiety Disorder. I was for months trying to understand his nonsense behavior.
He was always sending me double messages on whether he wanted to be with me or not - His inconstancy was driving me crazy!
He finally broke up with me - saying that he was too busy to be involved in a relationship.
At first, it was really hard for me to let go, but I realized that it was the best for both of us. He wanted to be friends. According to him he wanted to keep me in his life and he care a lot for me.
I didn’t want to be friends, because I needed time to be away from him and be myself again. I told him not to call me until we both were ready to be friends.
During the first weeks after the break up,
* I went through depression again.
* I was not able to function on my daily basis,
* I dropped off school,
* I left my job
* I lost almost 10 pounds and
* I went back to my parent’s house.
It has been over three months since the brake up and I feel so much better now that he’s not around.
*I’m working in a Law firm where I’m making the double the money I was making.
*I have been working out and I look and feel great
* I go out with my friends and I don’t miss him as much
* I spend more time with my family
A lot of good things happened as a result of our break up- I feel really good about myself
However, I want to talk him, it was me who didn’t’ want to be friends in the first place, but now I think I’m ready to be his friend.
I say I think, because I’m not sure, I don’t want to get hurt again, and I don’t want to start all over again with the same thing.
Should I call him? I know for sure that he misses me and cares about me. I know he’ll be happy if I call.
I’m just too scared, I don’t want to get hurt again – If anybody been in my situation. And advice is more than welcome.
Thanks

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I'm so glad you are doing so well! But what if he wants to talk about how great this new chic is that he's dating?? Or what if he wants to see you again and begin a fwb with no strings. Or his new g/f if he has one tells you to back off. I'm afraid these scenarios could really damage you and set you way back. Is it worth it?
I'm not trying to discourage you, but also think, you call him, chat for hours. Then what? What if he doesn't call again for 3 months. Or you guys start hanging out, but he still doesn't want a relationship, are you going to be able to not cross that line, and meet other guys? I know when I tried the friendship thing (this is just me now) that we ended up in fwb, but i was attached, and I let great guys go right by because I was still into my "friend". All the while he wasn't that into me, AND found a girlfriend right in front of me. Just giving you things to think about, if you become friends so close to being so heartbroken.
I wish you the best!!!
What am I looking for out of this "Friendship "?
Is not easy for me to forget about him - We had a very close relationship for three years and hardly ever fight!
I still care about him. Sometimes, us girls tend to think that our men need us (not good). I guess I just want to be his friend because I remember him telling me "Mami, Promise me that if we ever brake up, you'll always going to be my friend".
Also, he used to tell me "You are my only and best friend, my wife, my girlfriend and everything else, - "I want you around no matter what".
When I think about these things I feel that should be his friend like I promised - Or a least be around when he needs a friend". See What I mean"?
I don't know _ I guess I just being romantic about this whole thing, ah?
The reason I asked that question was because your original post said:
"few months prior our break up we were having a lot of problems which caused me depression and Anxiety Disorder. I was for months trying to understand his nonsense behavior.
He was always sending me double messages on whether he wanted to be with me or not - His inconstancy was driving me crazy!"
So, it didn't sound like a very happy relationship based on what you wrote in that post. But your latest post says that you hardly ever fought. So, I'm not sure which it is. Were you guys having a lot of problems, or did you hardly ever fight? You might be at the point where you're vascillating back and forth- sometimes remembering only the good, and other times remembering only the bad. I'm thinking that a good rule of thumb is this: If you are having any doubts or reservations at all about entering into the friendship, you probably are not really ready- it's your broken heart talking.
I would just hate to see you in that awful state of depression again over this person and for what?
Yes - You and my others friends are totally right - I just worry about him sometimes and would like to know if everything is okay!!
Thanks for the advice - I won't call him, becuase I don't want to go back to the same thing - Unless he Reimburse me for all what I have spent to get over him - Just Kidding!
Take Care
Yes - I know - I have lots of money on getting over him - going out with friends, clothes to feel and look nice, movies, books, that's it!! You'll laugh but I have a file for him (I should destroy it, ah). ??
The file with all his emails to me and all my responses - in the file I opened a section with "Costs and Fees after break up". That's what keeps me going!!
What I actually think is funny! - I guess -!!
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