off for real this time

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
off for real this time
3
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 6:52pm
i've been with this guy on again off again for a year and a half now and i think it's coming to a permament off and i'm falling apart. i love him so much and i just keep blaming myself and thinking what i could have done differently, i'm hurting so much right now and i remember how this board helped me during past break ups. i just feel like such a failure and that if i were better this would never happen and we'd be together. i can't stop blaming myself
some kind words, anything
:(
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 4:48pm
Blaming yourself is a way of idealizing the r'ship, & making it into something it never was. For now, try to focus on the things you did not like about him, about the times he's hurt you, & about the things you really want & need in a guy. It will be almost impossible to get past this until you stop idealizing how he was. Remember, you're not a yoyo, to be broken up with then reunited with then broken up with again. You deserve better, & now that you're not with this guy anymore, you'll have the opportunity to find it. Hugs. I'm sorry you feel so bad, but this too, shall pass, eventually!!! Let us know how you're doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 5:20pm

I agree with the previous poster. If you were on and off so many times, the next time would have probably been the same - on and off. We all tend to idealize our relationhips when they are over, but the reality is different. THere were reasons while you broke it off, right - think of them and they would probably pop up again.

Here is the thing - relationships that were supposed to work out - they do, but if you put too much effort into that - that it's probably not a good sign. And, to work on something requires two people - not one - what if I... doesn't really work - if every one of you had asked this question and then both talked and decided that you were on the same page and both of you want to do something about it - then it's one thing - but it's not only you. It really takes both and the dynamics might have been not the best in order to deal with a conflict. It happens. It sucks. I know that, because I've been there, but believe me, you are in love with what you want, but not what you had...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 10:30am
Hi sweetie, I'm sorry about everything. I'm going to tell you not to blame yourself but I know how hard that is. You keep thinking what if I would have done this, hugged more, spent more time etc etc. It's normal to think that, everything you are feeling is normal. But I know that there is someone out there for you who will make you so, so happy, and they will never ever do this to you nor will they make you miserable or unhappy.
Keep your head up as hard as it is.
-Me