realllllllly need some advice. HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
realllllllly need some advice. HELP!!!
1
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 10:31am

ok, this might be long, so im really sorry for anyone whos time im waisting and im really thankful for whomever reads this and gives me their oppinion.

ok so, my boyfriend and i have been together for 11 months ( happy anniversary to us today lol). long distance, so we would see eachother every month pretty much. everything was great, happy , fantastic :) about 2 months ago, i went to see him and stayed for two weeks, so we practically lived together for 2 weeks.everything was great! he was romantic, sweet, roses, candles, etc etc it was perfect. i guess we got a little ahead of our selves, because we started talking about the future. not really getting married, but just little things. houses, vacations, dogs...etc. he was supposed to come back home ( where i am), about a month after that, for a friends wedding ( that we were supposed to go to), and a vacation that we were supposed to go to for a week. so, a week before hes supposed to come home..HE BREAKS UP WITH ME. totaly surprises me, i had no idea anything was wrong. i was shocked, devistated, heartbroken...you name it, that was me. anyway....the reason we broke up, was he said he just didnt see a future with us. he wasnt sure if i was the one for him( i am his first serous relationship, im assuming he got scared? ), anyway that he just didnt know if there was a future between us. that he loved me with all his heart, and this was the hardest decision of his life, he cried, i cried....and we broke up. 2 weeks after we broke up he came back home ( for the wedding and our vacation)...that obviously we werent going to anymore. didnt contact me for a week. i had a week off for that vacation we were supposed to take, so i booked a flight for ny to go see my bestfriend and made sure he somehow found out about it ( i still had the hope he would change his mind and come knocking on my door). and he did! the night before i was supposed to leave, he called asking if we can talk. he picks me up and we go talk at the beach. first hour was pretty much all tears. barely any talking. eventually we started talking and 3 hours later he said he made a mistake and wants to try it again. he said he just got scared, and he can not and doesnt want to plan the future. all he knows is that he is in love with me and is extremly happy when he is with me, and wants to take it slow, day by day and try again. i leave to ny come back, we still have 4 days together before he leaves. we have a PERFECT time together. perfect!! like a brand new relationship. everything was amazing. EVERYTHING. perfect 4 days! i think we learned to appreciate eachother; much more then before. its true...once you lose something, you really know how much it means to you.

so, he leaves back home and we decide we wont do any more visits ( because he said he doesnt want me spending anymore money, the majority of the trips i was coming to him, because he had work he couldnt take time off, and the NY trip, i spent so muchmoney on and i went because i was so upset about the breakup....) , until december because that is when he officialy moves back home and is done with school. late dec. 4 months!! today we were chatting, and i mentioned how im really upset i wont be there for his bday ( sept 15, which is also our 1 yr anniversary)...he siad he really wants me there, but doesnt want me to spend money on coming. so we got talking and he said he will only let me come if he buys my ticket as an anniversary present...i argued said no no no, but he ended up buying it anyway.

NOW....my question is this. was i stupid for bringing it up? did i just push that trip on him? did i invite myself??

and what do you guys think of the whole situation? all my friends said theyve lost all respect for him, because he hurt me so much. and that it will take time and effort from him, for them to trust him again. but how can i not give this another shot? i love this guy more than anything, and i really truly want to make this work.

HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 5:37pm

mstullips,


Forgive me, but I just gotta ask, why aren't you enjoying this reunion more?