This really hurts....
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| Thu, 11-01-2007 - 5:42pm |
I was doing fine, I swear. Since he moved his things out on Sunday afternoon, I haven't seen him or contacted him. The guy he's living with works at the local grocery store, and I've made a point to not ask him how my ex is doing, or think of any stupid reason to 'pass on a message' to my ex for me. Today I had to go to the store to pick up some supplies for a cooking class tomorrow, so I decided to go right after school to avoid an encounter (I get out of school at 4pm, he's finished work at 5pm). Well, as my luck would have it, I see him standing right beside the door talking with a couple of the construction workers. I look at him, he smiles and says 'hi' (not looking particularly unhappy or miserable). I smile back (as much as I can muster up) and say 'hi' back. I don't make an effort to stop and talk to him, but I keep walking into the store without stopping. While in the store I'm trying to act 'normal' (read - keep my hands from shaking and not cry). I pick up what I need to pick up, pay for it, and go outside. Thankfully he had left already (I'm assuming he went back to work and was just at the store to cash his paycheque). I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for not crying until I make it home. Now I'm a mess. I miss him. I want to talk with him. If I have to I'll let all my portable phones go dead so I don't call him, because if I call him, I know I'll try and convince him to come back. I feel like I was making progress, but this puts me a step back. sigh....
lisa

Oh, I'm sorry that you had such bad luck with the timing and had to see him.
Hugs to you Lisa,
Thanks for all the encouragement, I really need it right now. I've been in a sucky mood all night, so I've been trying to keep busy with things around the house. Like so often posted on this board, I got sucked into the 'is he over me already?' thoughts. Part of me just wants to 'explain' how I'm feeling, like it would somehow fix what went wrong. Part of me is angry with myself because I feel like I screwed up something good in my life. Part of me is angry with him for not seeing what we had/could have had if he didn't give up on us. I wonder why he told my Principal that he still loves me (my Principal asked me today if my ex had called Tuesday night when he said he would, I said no, but he still thinks that my ex is going to have second thoughts and come around...I'm not so sure anymore after his 'cheefullness' and ease with talking with me today). Everyone else I've told at school is completely surprised by the end of our relationship. I don't understand yet what I could have done different or what I'm supposed to understand about this relationship and why it didn't work, and I think that's what's impeding my progress. I feel like I've said all that I needed to say as he was packing on Sunday, so if he never talks to me again, I feel that I can get closure. I guess part of me still wants to believe that this isn't over even though I have a feeling it is. Cripes, all this confusion and turmoil for seeing the guy for 15 seconds today.....
hugs to all, and thanks for listening,
Don't get sucked into the perfect couple thing. A lot of people look absolutely 'perfect' on the surface but actually have a lot of turmoil behind closed doors. And other people who look like they're constantly on the verge of break up are the ones who make it. Makes me think of, this one couple at my lab last year. They were so lovey dovey and sickenly sweet you'd think you'd swallowed a jar of honey. Seemed very much in love. Broke up over the summer.
In any case, good job on dealing with the unexpected encounter and all the best.
Hi Lisa,
:: got sucked into the 'is he over me already?' thoughts.
Normal, but it doesn't mean he's over you just because he's not telling you how he feels.
::Part of me just wants to 'explain' how I'm feeling, like it would somehow fix what went wrong.
Write it in an UNSENT letter.
Hugs,
Dbest
Thanks for all the support and advice, I appreciate it. I had a restless sleep last night, so I'm a bit tired and 'emotionally touchy' today. I talked with my Principal this morning, and he thinks that my ex's pride is the reason why he's not calling me. He thinks I should extend the olive branch (call him) and see about talking to make things work. I told him that my ex told me he needed his space and I told my ex to call me when he was ready. I wish I could talk things out with him because we both said things that hurt each other (he told me he didn't love me, I told him to move out since he didn't love me - he later admitted to my Principal that he does love me very much...), but because he asked for the space, I'm holding to my belief that the next move has to come from him. I know that if I call him, I will just start to cry and beg for him to come back. This really sucks....
hugs to all, lisa
Hey -
Sorry you're going through this!
So although your principal is like the "middle-man" and is telling you that you should make the first move in contacting your ex... do you really want to? Will you?
So weird, this phrase stuck out to me last night when I was watching the ending of the movie "Guess Who" and Bernie Mac says to his daughter (who is not answering her ex-fiance's calls), "There's no room for pride in matters of the heart." I mean sure, it's common sense.
Just because your ex is too proud to contact you doesnt mean that you should be the one to put your feelings aside and contact him. I assume you want a man who puts his pride away if he really truly wants to be with you. I mean, are you always going to be the one to extend the olive branch? I would get tired if I were you. :-P
He said he didn't love you. Yes that can be seen as mean if he just wanted to hurt you by lying.
But you telling him to leave because he claimed to not have feelings for you, it's not mean, you're just looking out for yourself girl!
He asked for space, and you both know that he has to make the first move if he's willing to work things out with you. You're not having a relationship with your Prinicipal. You're in this situation with your ex. And the feelings of love and wanting to work things out should come from your ex directly. Not through your principal.
It does suck that you know your ex still has feelings for you. But I don't think it means anything unless he comes to you wanting to try again.
Good luck and hang in there!!!
Don't call him!! :)
So as I've posted earlier, I've been in a bit of a crabby mood all day. After work I came home and decided to dust off my "He's Just Not That Into You" book for inspiration and clarity. I have to say, I'm feeling better, so I will share the outline of the book:
He's Just Not That Into you if:
- he's not asking you out
- he's not calling you
- he's not dating you
- he's not having sex with you
- he's not dating you
- he's having sex with someone else
- he only wants to see you if he's drunk or high
- he doesn't want to marry you
- he's breaking up with you
- he's disappeared on you
- he's married or otherwise unavailable
- he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a big freak
The author Greg Behrendt concludes the book with 'Don't waste the pretty'. In other words, don't stay in a relationship that is beneath you, but to hold out for a relationship that is special. I feel better, and I've decided that I'm not going to waste my pretty. From now until the Christmas holidays, I'm going to grieve, get mad, get sad, and get real. Then when I leave for the Christmas holidays (my ex decided he didn't want to go home for the holidays because of the cost of the flights), I can move on to the new chapter in my life (and flirt with the cute bartender at Don Cherry's). ;-)
hugs to all, lisa