really need an opinion in this situation
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| Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:29pm |
I was with my boyfriend for 4 years. This past year I made the mistake of kising another guy. My boyfriend found out but loved me enough to stay to work it out. After jealous rages and a lot of fighting he broke up with me this past August. He said he loved me BUT he didnt think i was putting in the effort he needed. I disagreed with him and he said he just couldnt go on with an effort leaving the relationship in "my hands". I told him it takes two people to make a relationship work- he told me he was doing it by himslef and now its my time. If i proved to him i was in it we would get back together...so to this present time i feel like him at a dead end. He wont call me anymore, ask me to do anything, etc. He wants me to do all the calling, etc etc. And I am making such an effort or so I think so and he continues to go on with hi life. Now I know what your thinking- move on. But i feel as if it was my fault from the beginning, he told me to prove I want this so I believe if I move on and let him go Im showing him i dont care. Im 27 years old- I feel like this is petty and childish also! Pleaseee help- what specifically do I do to show him how much I care? Or do I walk away?
Thanks for the help!

I am sorry to hear about the break up.
I broke up with my boyfriend for the same reason, but breakups are always the responsibility of 2 people, not just one.
I felt my ex wasn't putting in enough effort.
Now what, specifically, did he say you WEREN'T doing? Does he still have feelings for you?
Gal Blondie
Hi Nikki
Look Im sure theres more to it than this but here's the bottomline: You kissing another guy is actually a strong indicator that your boyfriend may be right about the effort youre putting into the relationship. Being faithful isnt necessarily about not wanting to kiss others, its about showing restraint out of respect and always keeping your eye on the big picture vs. giving
I think you need to determine his definition of what 'showing enough love' means to him.
Consider the book Five Love Langagues by Gary Chapman. This will help you determine his love language and then you can show him specifically by 'speaking' his love language. However, if he's doing this as a way to punish you for your kissing another guy, then nothing you can do will prove anything to him.
Most incidents that involve cheating/infidelity aren't healed without counseling and it does take two people working together to rebuild.
Carrie