Really need some advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
Really need some advice...
2
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:37pm

This has just been eating me up inside:

I have been with my boyfriend for three years. I have not been truly happy with him for a very long time, and we've broken up once a year ago but got back together after only about two months apart to try and 'work it out'. Since then, its just been up and down, sometimes we are happy, but overall we are not, and I'm pretty sure that he is not the man I want to marry. So I decided to break it off with him. The problem is that he found out just last Monday that his mom has cancer...they caught it late, its fairly serious, it does not look good. Still, I planned to break it off this past weekend, but when I actually met with him and started to talk about breaking up, he just became so sad, I couldn't go through with it. I am the only person he is close to, he has trouble opening up to people. I obviously care a great deal for him still and feel terrible.

I have decided to wait until after his Birthday which is this weekend, and then do it. Am I awful for waiting? I just figure that will atleast give him a bit of time to process what has happened with his mom, and I don't want him to be alone and sad on his birthday. Is it fair to wait when I know now this is what I want? Any advice greatly appreciated....

thanks,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 5:31pm

Hi amyjay and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 10:50pm

You know, I'm thinking this is one of those situations where you're more damned if you do, than damned if you don't.

Seriously, the guy just found out his Mom has terminal cancer (I'm assuming that since you said they caught it late) but even if not, she still has advanced cancer, you've gone three years with him, not been happy for at least a year, right? So what's one more month? Give it a month and then do it. You'll thank me later when you're not hating yourself for having done it right after the news about his mom and right around his birthday.

Some folks will disagree with that or be surprised I say that, but honestly, there's no substitute for compassion. Breaking up with him now would be a serious blow to someone you supposedly care about, even if you're not in love with him anymore.

Good luck, that's a tough one.

Best,

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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