Really Upset
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| Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:49am |
Hi. I started chatting with a guy online two weeks ago. We really clicked. I was keeping it on the friend level and everything and of course we set up the meeting. Before we met, he disclosed that he was legally blind and told me his "hard luck" story. Of course, this made me feel the utmost compassion for him. So, I meet him, and I'm just totally into him. It was mutual. So the first night we end up having sex. I didn't want it to happen that way, but I couldn't control myself. Well things were cool. He text messaged me all day. Called me and we stayed on the phone until 3 in the morning and all that. Then on Wednesday, I had a bad day, so I got drunk. Well, I don't drink EVER. So a half a bottle of wine rendered me into a state where I remember NOTHING. Supposedly we talked on the phone that night extensively. The next day, things totally changed. He acted very distant to me. He really didn't go over what I said, but whatever I did say changed the dynamics. I've heard from him once saying that I was the coolest person he knew and he wanted to remain friends and still talk. Haven't heard from him since Wednesday. I have NO clue what to do. He went dark on yahoo messenger. I don't feel like calling him or texting him because he isn't actively seeking me out. What should i do? I have been heart broken for days and need to pull myself together. I guess it's worse when you have nothing to fall back on.
Thanks for reading and hopefully, thanks for the advice cuz I sure need it :(
Diana

I'm sorry you're upset, but...you didn't even know this guy existed two weeks ago!!! I don't understand how you can be "heartbroken" over someone you've only met once, even if you did have sex.
It sounds like you built the relationship up in your mind too soon...it's time to put it in perspective. Any "relationship" you had was based on fantasy and projection, not reality.
Is this a pattern with you by any chance, that you jump into new relationships without really taking the time to get to know the person first (and "getting to know" someone online is a contradiction in terms)?
In any event, you should not contact him. If he contacts you and wants to try again, back up and take it SLOWLY and get to know him before you jump in with both feet.
Sheri
I'm sorry, it was not meant as a slap in the face so much as a reality check. What I was trying to express is that it's painful because of the hopes you've built up in your mind, not because of what exists in reality.
The fact that you are going through a divorce does amplify everything! I remember my first r'ship after my ex-husband and I separated. It was basically a fun, short fling with a younger guy but it *devastated* me when it ended...I wasn't capable of putting things in perspective. Now I look back and go, "what was I thinking!"...but at the time, it felt like it hurt more than my divorce.
The thing is, you were never "not alone" with this guy...a relationship takes more than 2 weeks of chatting online and on the phone and one meeting to build. If you're not in a place where you can recognize that, and *date*, in a healthy manner, perhaps it's best to take a break from the online thing.
Are you seeing a counselor? That helped me tremendously after my divorce...unfortunately I thought I was "fine" and waited too long and did some stupid things that cause me pain before I realized I needed to talk to a trained professional...so if you're not going, I'd strongly suggest it, it really helps.
Sheri